11 Manipulative Phrases Narcissistic Parents Say To Keep Their Kids Weak & Dependent
Narcissistic parents knowing exactly what to say to keep their kids under their thumb.
Ahturner / Shutterstock There are two types of parents in this world: those who try their best to what is right for the sake of their children and those who use manipulative tactics to keep their kids under their control. Distinguishing between the two can be difficult, as narcissists are often quite charming, but there are some specifically manipulative phrases narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent that will quickly give them away.
Intentionally or not, narcissistic parents tend to leave lasting scars that impact their children deeply. And while some people claim words can never hurt them, the truth of the matter is that words absolutely have the power to be damaging — especially to children.
These are 11 manipulative phrases narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent
1. 'I know what's best for you'
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Narcissistic parents' main objective is to control their kids by pointing out their 'incompetency.' As a result, a manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "I know what's best for you."
Sure, when children are younger and defenseless, parents need to take the reins and guide them. However, as kids grow up, their need for independence becomes increasingly important.
Whether narcissistic parents want to admit it or not, children must fail in order to learn from their mistakes and develop as a person. According to the National Poll On Children's Health, independence leads kids to be more resilient, confident, better at problem-solving, and have better mental health outcomes.
Despite this fact, many narcissistic parents don't know how to let go of their controlling tendencies. As marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth Ph.D., MFT perfectly explained, "They have a knack for knocking others down a peg."
2. 'You're being way too emotional'
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According to licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers Psy.D., narcissists can't control their feelings and because of this, discharge their negative emotions onto others. Even so, narcissists hold others to a higher standard than themselves, as they refuse to acknowledge their own shortcomings. This is probably why a manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "You're being way too emotional."
Everyone gets emotional at times. Whether it's an overworked teacher or an exhausted parent, it's normal for people to lash out or explode when they're feeling overwhelmed. Deep down inside, most narcissistic parents know that children are bound to be emotional at times. Considering that their brains aren't fully developed until 25 or even later, parents must understand that lashing out or crying as a result of feeling confused or overwhelmed is normal for children.
Unfortunately, narcissists don't want to put up with the emotions of their children, causing them to condemn their emotions instead. According to psychotherapist trainer and author Elinor Greenberg Ph.D., "People with untreated NPD lack emotional empathy."
So, while adult children might be tempted to lash out and condemn their narcissistic parent, understanding that their lack of empathy is part of their disorder may help put things into perspective.
3. 'After everything I've done, this is how you repay me?'
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When parents bring a child into this world, they must commit to the fact that their children are their own individual beings and might not always follow the road they so carefully planned ahead for them. From deciding to not go to college to disregarding their parents, children will grow into adults with their own opinions, whether narcissistic parents like it or not. Yet, considering how controlling most narcissistic parents are, a manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "After everything I've done, this is how you repay me?"
Understandably, any parent can feel a bit peeved when their child is ungrateful. After spending thousands of dollars at the hospital, birthing a child, raising a child, and investing in their education and environment, it's a slap to the face to feel as if they're disregarding their parent's hard work. But there's a clear difference between a narcissist and a regular parent.
Narcissists will say this to their children over any small thing. Did their child express their emotions or disagree with their narcissistic parent? Expect a narcissistic parent to use this phrase against them to fall in line. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT, when a narcissist does something for someone, it often comes with strings attached.
So, while a narcissistic parent might give their kids the world, as soon as they face pushback, they remind children of all they sacrificed by using guilt-tripping to get there.
4. 'You'd fail without me'
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Parents need to encourage their kids to step out of the bird's nest and spread their wings. If they truly want to raise successful kids, then a huge part of success is the inevitable — failure. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents often use failure or uncertainty to control their kids, resulting in them saying manipulative phrases such as, "You'd fail without me."
When failure comes knocking on their kid's door, parents must guide them through those emotions while simultaneously allowing them to pick themselves back up. Even so, narcissistic parents don't care if they damage their kid's ability to believe in themselves. As long as their child depends on them, then who cares what they say at the end of the day, right?
However, damaged self-esteem isn't something that parents should take lightly. According to the American Psychological Association, "Low self-esteem or lack of confidence leaves students doubting their ability to succeed, making them hesitant to engage in learning or take appropriate academic growth risks."
So, while narcissistic parents might think that they know best, demeaning their children through the use of these manipulative phrases only hinders their success later on, reflecting poorly on the parent.
5. 'You're just like so and so'
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Growing up, parents might vaguely remember a moment in time when a teacher or a parent made comparisons. At the moment, these parents didn't understand why these comparisons hurt so much. However, as they get older, they might fully realize that comparing themselves to others is a dead-end road that only leads to disappointment and disappointment.
Let's face it: nobody is perfect. Parents will stumble from time to time, and children will make bad decisions. However, everyone is unique and, as a result, approaches situations and life in different ways. Yet, this doesn't make them less than others. Unfortunately, narcissistic parents don't view it that way.
They are so obsessed with their idea of acceptable and perfect that they'll constantly draw comparisons and demean their children. This is probably why a manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "You're just like so and so."
Comparing themselves to other kids or, worse, their other parents can be crushing on a kid's self-esteem. According to a study published in 2025, upward comparison impacts children's self-esteem, whether it's uttered directly or indirectly. While narcissists will continue to do what they do, parents who truly love their children should be wary of comparisons. Even if they had the best intentions, comparisons can be crushing to their children's mental health and, by extension, their self-esteem.
6. 'I'm hard on you because I love you'
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The next manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "I'm hard on you because I love you." Sometimes, showing a bit of tough love is necessary. When children are out of line and they need a rude awakening, parents should step in and guide their children. Still, this phrase can easily be used to weaken kids if parents aren't careful.
For example, a narcissistic parent using this phrase to condemn their child's looks will only teach their children that accepting criticism under the guise of 'love' is perfectly acceptable. This is dangerous, as children who become adults might enter into toxic relationships where abusers justify their abusive or controlling behavior by claiming that they're doing it out of love.
Though it might seem like a stretch, according to relationship specialist Annie Tanasugarn Ph.D., CCTSA, marrying someone similar to their parents often boils down to subconsciously choosing someone whose belief system is similar to what was taught during childhood. So, even if a parent isn't a narcissist, parents should be careful with how they use this phrase. Using this phrase when engaging in toxic behavior might unintentionally teach children to accept that toxic behavior.
7. 'You'll regret cutting me off'
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There will come a point in which a kid grows up and becomes a young adult with a choice — do they continue to have a relationship with their parents, or do they leave? For many kids, the answer might be simple, depending on how they were raised. Kids who were raised in a loving home will likely not think twice about keeping their kids in their lives.
However, kids who grew up with narcissistic parents might hesitate to maintain a relationship with them. After all, their toxic behavior and condescending words have likely left a huge impact on this child, causing irreversible damage in the process. That being said, a manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "You'll regret cutting me off."
Narcissistic parents refuse to take responsibility for their actions. "Instead, they blame their children for the harm, or a nearby party, insisting that, if they had acted differently, they would never have been hurt," said mental health processional Jamie Cannon MS, LPC.
8. 'Nobody would ever love you as I do'
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As kids grow older, they'll slowly be introduced to new people. From family and friends, these people will become important figures in their lives that shape their mental health and confidence. As parents, it might be difficult to allow their kids to explore and meet new people. Parental fear of the unknown likely has parents wanting to clutch their children just a little bit closer.
Still, most parents understand a child's need to form their own social circles, as according to a study in 2022, supportive friendships are related to positive outcomes and better mental health. As a result, parents slowly but surely begin loosening the reigns and allowing their kids to make their own decisions. On the opposite end, narcissistic parents have a hard time letting go.
So used to being the only one in their child's life, a narcissist might feel threatened by being viewed as second best. So, a manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "Nobody would ever love you as I do."
Of course, it's false to say this. As kids grow older, they'll have friends and partners who love them dearly. However, narcissists know this and count on their kids' insecurities to get the better of them, leaving them susceptible to their parent's manipulation.
9. 'If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be where you are'
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It's unfortunate, but narcissists don't actually want their children to feel good about themselves. Known for stealing the spotlight, narcissists love to rob their kids of their own successes and accomplishments by pointing out the fact that, "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be where you are."
Now, on the outside, there's a slight truth to this. Yes, parents do provide their kids with the opportunities to network or receive the best education. And while all of this may be true, it is also equally true that kids put in the work in order to put those opportunities to good use.
Whether that means studying for hours on end to make good grades or volunteering to make their college admissions essay sound better, all of this effort is through the hard work of the kids, not the parents.
Knowing this, kids should never feel ashamed of their successes. Know that throughout life, they'll continue to be successful, not just because of their parents, but through their own determination and willingness to be excellent.
10. 'This wouldn't have happened if you'd have just listened to me'
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If there's one thing a narcissistic parent loves to do, it's to rub people's flaws in their faces. Most people forget this, but to be narcissistic is to have an excessive amount of trust and admiration for oneself. So, when someone disturbs their perfect image of themselves by pushing against the grain, narcissists want nothing more than to prove them wrong.
This is why these parents use the manipulative phrase, "This wouldn't have happened if you'd have just listened to me." In their eyes, their beliefs are more important and correct, even if that's not actually the case. Regardless, this is why they're eager to rub it in their kid's face that they were wrong.
Not only do they feel reaffirmed in their own superiority, but they also have another way to make their kids feel weak, thereby making them more dependent on their parents.
11. 'I can't trust you to make your own decisions'
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Finally, the last manipulative phrase narcissistic parents say to keep their kids weak and dependent is, "I can't trust you to make your own decisions." Children are going to make their own decisions, regardless if parents want it or not. Some of these decisions might be great and some, are questionable, to say the least.
Yet, through making these choices, kids grow into capable adults who feel empowered and confident taking charge of their own lives. Though things might get tough from time to time, these kids trust that through their own actions, everything will turn out okay.
Narcissistic parents rob their kids of this security when they constantly reinforce the idea that their kids aren't good enough to choose for themselves. This is why it's important for kids who turn into adults to separate themselves and explore their independence. As much as their narcissistic parents might complain, exploring their own freedom will only make it much easier to let go of the toxic narcissistic parent that is constantly holding them back from their own happiness.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
