Man Wonders If He Was Wrong For Attending His Niece's Art Showcase Instead Of His Daughter's Theater Performance
Most people think he chose wrong.
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV | Shutterstock Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Add in extended family dynamics, and things can get really tricky. Case in point: a dad who is trying to do his best to be a good father for his daughter and also help his niece who is struggling with her own dad's death.
Feeling torn between two teen girls, the man took to Reddit to ask if he made the wrong decision after choosing to attend his niece's art showcase instead of his daughter's play. The overwhelming consensus was that he messed up by putting his niece before his daughter, but like with everything in life, the reason he did was complicated.
A man was feeling guilty after attending his niece's art showcase and skipping his daughter's theater performance.
The man began his post by describing his 15-year-old daughter's excitement over her role in the school's winter showcase. He wrote, "My daughter (15F) had her school’s winter showcase last weekend. It wasn’t a full play, but a collection of scenes and monologues from different performances that drama students had been working on. My daughter had a good role in one of the featured scenes and was really excited about it. While she never outright asked me to be there, I knew it was important to her." However, that same evening, his 16-year-old niece, who had a close relationship with him after losing her father at a young age, had her big art showcase.
Jeja | Canva Pro
He explained, "My niece made it clear leading up to the event that she really wanted me there. I had already told her beforehand that I couldn’t come because I was going to my daughter’s showcase, and while she said she understood, I could tell she was sad."
That's when things took a turn. "The night before the event," he wrote, "she called me and broke down in tears telling me how much it would mean for her to have me there. She said she felt like this was one of the biggest moments of her life, and she wanted me to be proud of her the way a dad would be. That completely shattered me. I felt like if I didn’t go, I would be letting her down in a way that would stay with her for a long time."
The man felt guilted into choosing his niece, and now he worries he made the wrong choice.
After the distressing call with his niece, the dad immediately spoke with his wife and daughter. He said they "gave him the go ahead" to attend his niece's art show, but the choice was weighing heavy on his mind.
To make matters worse, "the day after the event, my daughter was really sad and upset." He went on to try to justify his actions, but he seemed to already realize the error of his ways. He added, "I did feel guilty, but also I did ask for permission from both her and my wife before I decided to go to my niece’s showcase. My wife however told me that I should have stuck to my original plan regardless, and that our daughter has even cried a few times since her showcase."
In his post, the father asked whether he made the wrong decision. Commenters almost unanimously agreed that he did wrong by his daughter, but sometimes things aren't always so cut and dry when faced with high emotions. The man's sister should have told her daughter that her uncle had already committed to the play, and the man's wife could have asked him to step back and think before simply canceling on his daughter. Of course, ultimately, the choice was his, and as most people saw it, he should have picked his daughter first.
Family relationships are complex, but as a parent and as an adult, the man should not have wavered in his initial decision to attend his daughter's theater performance.
The core of the dilemma brings up a fundamental question: How do you balance supporting one child over another when both are asking for something equally important? In this father’s case, both his daughter and niece needed him, forcing him to make a difficult choice. The guilt he currently feels plays into another issue parents face: trying to be there for every important moment despite the limitations of time and energy.
Polina Zimmerman | Canva Pro
The glaring issue for this man is that he wasn't split between two kids with an event on the same night — he actively chose his niece over his daughter. As one commenter noted, "Your niece should never come before your daughter. You failed your daughter and are making it her fault because you 'asked' for permission. What was she supposed to say? It’s clear your mind was made up since you even asked. Shame on you for putting your own daughter second."
In the end, the father’s decision to attend his niece’s art showcase highlights the complexities of family relationships and the emotional weight of seemingly small choices. While it is easy to criticize him for not attending his daughter’s performance, the emotional context of his niece's request cannot be overlooked. At the same time, he can not be a father to another girl at the expense of being a father to his own flesh and blood.
Ultimately, this story shows that there never is an easy or perfect decision, only the reality of doing the best you can to provide your support to your loved ones.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.