If Your Parents Taught You These 11 Things, You Likely Turned Out To Be A Burned Out Adult
You don't have to be endlessly productive to be worthy of admiration, self-care, and rest.
Kseniya Ivanova | Shutterstock There’s no denying that our childhood experiences affect us in adulthood—they influence our romantic relationships, parenting styles, and even healthy habits, as made relatively clear amid a diverse array of research studies. However, our parents can also instill mindsets about work, productivity, and self-care early in life that have an incredible impact on things like work-life balance, mental health, and productivity in adulthood.
If your parents taught you these things, from overworking yourself to setting unrealistic expectations, you likely turned out to be a burned-out adult. While the symptoms of burnout — from physical symptoms to brain fog, anxiety, and depression — can be diverse and sometimes unsuspecting, their root cause is often the same: a person’s mentality around work, a mentality they often adopt and absorb from their parents.
If your parents taught you these 11 things, you likely turned out to be a burned-out adult:
1. Hard work is the key to success
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When their parents feed into “hustle culture” and a mentality like “hard work is the key to success,” adult children in the workplace are far more prone to experiencing burnout than their peers. They hold themselves to a higher, completely unrealistic and unfeasible expectation, overworking themselves and disregarding their personal needs for the sake of success, climbing the corporate ladder, or appeasing a boss.
In today’s society, hard work isn’t everything — you can look at any marginalized community or low-income household where both parents are working multiple jobs as proof. There’s a much more nuanced picture today about how to make money and become successful at work, but hard work and sacrificing your wellbeing for the sake of work isn’t the entirety of it.
2. Loyalty to your employer is important
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Many older generations believe loyalty toward an employer is the most important part of their workplace culture. They overwork themselves in the name of this dedication and often set their own personal lives, goals, and needs aside to make space for an overbearing work ethic and unrealistic expectations for success.
When parents teach their children a similar ideal, especially in today’s job market and corporate world, they’re setting them up for failure. They’re not only more willing to tolerate toxicity, inadequate pay, a poor work-life balance, or a bad boss for the sake of loyalty, but they also tend to sacrifice their personal routine and well-being.
3. Emotions are a sign of weakness
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Often characterized as a “silent struggle,” suppressing emotions is one of the most common ways people push themselves toward emotional turmoil and burnout.
From avoiding healing from deep-rooted trauma, to overlooking their discomfort and need for rest daily, and forgetting to advocate for their mental health needs, people who were taught that emotions were a sign of weakness growing up are much less emotionally intelligent and self-aware now.
There’s no “pushing through” uncomfortable emotions unless you can learn to sit with them. There’s no “pushing off” rest when you’re overworking yourself in a job. Everything comes back to bite you when you do not intentionally care for yourself.
4. Independence is all about doing things yourself
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Independence is more about self-worth and security than doing everything by yourself. Asking for help from others empowers us and even encourages people to perceive us as more competent and intelligent, even in places like the workplace that can feel ultra-competitive for people prone to burnout.
A study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that employees who ask for help and advice from peers at work are less likely to fall victim to “performance pressure” that feeds into a burnout cycle. When you work collaboratively and feel comfortable asking for help, you protect yourself from exhaustion—whether it’s in the workplace or in a relationship at home.
5. You’re most worthy of respect when you have something to offer
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Taught by transactional parents that they were most worthy of admiration, respect, love, and praise when they had something to offer — a key mentality sparked by reward/punishment parenting styles early in life — these kinds of adult children often face burnout at higher rates, navigating the workplace and their personal lives.
They overwork themselves for recognition from their bosses, feel guilty when they’re not constantly giving to their partner, and even grow more insecure in the face of negative feedback and criticism. Rather than prioritize their own needs, goals, and ideas about success, they absorb the beliefs of the people around them—living for external validation in ways that sabotage true internal well-being and security.
6. Hobbies should be side hustles
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According to Harvard psychologist Natalie Christine Dattilo, if your parents held you to unrealistic standards and expectations growing up, you’ve probably done the same in adulthood, pushing yourself closer to exhaustion and burnout.
Especially if you constantly grapple with shame and guilt for not “getting enough done” or being productive to a certain standard—no matter how unrealistic it truly is — you’re likely feeding into lower self-esteem and self-worth that fuels a cycle of overwork and burnout.
These kinds of adults prone to burnout were likely taught that their time was another chance to pursue success, make money, or be productive — side hustles were simultaneously hobbies, and social interactions were for networking. There are benefits to alone time, but only when they’re used outside the realm of toxic productivity — it’s okay to do things just for yourself and to have hobbies that feed your wellbeing, rest, and creativity, rather than your wallet and professional success.
7. Staying busy keeps you healthy
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Parents who lead by example while living overscheduled lives and busy routines tend to spark misguided mentalities about work ethic and productivity. If your parents taught you these things, you likely turned out to be a burned-out adult, prioritizing hard work, sacrifice, and overscheduling yourself in pursuit of success, happiness, or security.
Our jobs, families, and lives demand a lot from us, but you can choose to carve out time for yourself. If you’ve been taught these misguided mindsets, it’ll probably feel uncomfortable to prioritize yourself like you’ve been prioritizing others for your entire life. Still, it’s the key to fending off burnout.
8. Stay positive
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Focusing on maintaining the most positive attitude all the time — even if you’ve adopted self-care practices in adulthood — can urge people to ignore self-reflection and miss out on addressing trauma that brings up negative emotions.
While positivity and a generally positive mindset can add a lot of value to your life — helping to spark optimism in dark moments — suppressing negative emotions, trauma, and adversity will find a way to bubble up in ways that derail your positivity if they’re not properly addressed.
If you’re feeling burnt out, chances are you’ve been avoiding something — rest, relaxation, taking a break, or even addressing your uncomfortable emotions — but the key to overcoming the stress, physical ailments, and mental turmoil you’re experiencing is facing the things you’re avoiding.
9. Success requires sacrifice
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From crafting a sense of financial stability to climbing the Corporate ladder, if your parents taught you that sacrifice was the key to success, chances are you turned out to be a burned-out adult. Your mindset is everything in life — when you intentionally build a transactional relationship internally, founded on praise when you’re productive, giving up things you enjoy, and punishment when you struggle, you grow mistrustful.
Things like “I have to give up brownies and eat more vegetables” or “I have to sacrifice my personal life to be successful at work” are inherently flawed ideas. You can make the intentional choice to work hard at work or eat vegetables, but “sacrificing” is the perfect way to cultivate a scarcity mindset where you’re always grappling with loss.
Burnout largely stems from ideas like this, especially when we’re feeding into “self-sacrificing” routines, like experts from the Calgary Therapy Institute suggest, that prioritize the needs and desires of other people over our own.
10. Logic and critical thinking are more important than creativity
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Adam Savage, in his book Every Tool’s A Hammer: Life Is What You Make It, suggests that creativity can be an effective tool to combat burnout. Everyone is a creative “maker” of their own life story, so they have the power to improve their daily lives and routines creatively, in the same way a painter works on a piece of art.
According to a Neuron study, curiosity can also reduce the uncertainty that sparks stress and anxiety in children and adults. While children may structure their play creatively, in ways that subconsciously reduce stress, adults can use it more intentionally — practicing habits, hobbies, and routines that give them space to be creative and free-spirited, even when they’re balancing a rigid full-time job or a slew of family responsibilities.
Of course, finding the time to be creative is often people’s biggest hurdle — adopting hobbies, getting a moment of alone time, or figuring out what makes them feel most creative — but we can also adopt this creative sense in our daily lives. At work, find ways to inject creativity into your habits — leverage unconventional pathways to success that balance reasoning with creativity.
You’re not only contributing to a more healthy work culture, but you’re also protecting yourself from burnout and a life without creative thought.
11. Self-care is for ‘girls’
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In our patriarchal society, many young men grew up believing that emotion, self-care, and simply taking care of their own well-being were signs of weakness — the exact opposite of the masculine identity they were expected to uphold.
However, a truly empowered sense of masculinity revolves around well-being — you have to look after yourself, your needs, and your mental health before you can take care of anyone else. Self-care — whether it’s reflecting after a stressful day, taking a bath, or doing breathing exercises at your desk in the office — is for everyone.
While it may seem silly or uncomfortable at first to make time solely for yourself, men who unlearn their toxic mentalities about self-care tend to be more productive and successful, show up better in their relationships, and pave the way for a future that’s less societally influenced and more personally empowering.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
