Grieving Daughter Called ‘Selfish’ For Refusing To Babysit Her Stepbrother During Her Dad’s Funeral
"I didn’t think it was my job to parent her child when I was barely keeping it together myself."
Pixel-Shot | Shutterstock Losing a parent is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences anyone can go through. It hurts no matter your age, but as a teenager, the pain is especially profound.
For one 18-year-old girl, the grief of losing her father was compounded by complicated family dynamics. Her stepmother, whom she never had a close relationship with, demanded she babysit her 9-year-old stepbrother during the funeral. When she said no, things became even more tense.
The grieving daughter was called 'selfish' for refusing to babysit her stepbrother during her dad's funeral.
"I lost my dad three weeks ago. He was my best friend, my safe place, and honestly, the only parent who really got me," the daughter wrote in a Reddit post. "My mom and I are... strained, and she divorced him when I was 10."
Halfpoint | Shutterstock
Her father remarried when she was 13. "His wife, 'Stacy,' came with her own son, Adam. To be real, I never bonded with them," she shared. "Stacy always treated me like a guest in my own dad’s house, and Adam was a spoiled little tornado."
The daughter was obviously devastated when her father passed away. She spent the night before the funeral sobbing and writing a eulogy, attempting to cope with her grief.
Research shows that the death of a parent during adolescence has profound consequences, including long-term mental health concerns, especially if they lack adequate support. Unfortunately, that seems to be the situation for this teenager.
During the funeral, her complete lack of support became evident.
"I was trying to hold it together in black heels and waterproof mascara. Then Stacy pulls me aside, literally 15 minutes before the service starts, and says: 'Hey, could you just keep an eye on Adam? He’s having a hard time, and I want to be able to focus on greeting people,'" the girl recounted. "I thought she was joking. But no. She wanted me — the daughter of the dead man — to babysit her son so she could socialize like it was some brunch event."
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
The daughter was shocked by her stepmother's outrageous request. The death of a parent is hard enough, and no one should be demanding anything of a teenage girl at her father's funeral. So, she said no, "politely at first, then more firmly when she pushed."
Still, Stacy persisted, even telling the daughter that she was "not the only one who lost someone." This caused the girl to "snap," as she put it.
"I said, 'You lost a husband of five years. I lost the man who raised me my entire life. You do the math.'" While everyone at home is likely applauding the young girl for standing up to her evil stepmother (I think that cliché is appropriate in this case), her statement did not go over well at the funeral.
The girl was called 'selfish' and 'immature,' and accused of traumatizing her stepbrother.
As if dealing with the grief of the death of her father wasn't enough, she was branded a villain at his funeral. Stacy told the girl's mother and other family members what occurred, and they all seemed to take her stepmother's side.
"My aunt even said I 'traumatized Adam' because apparently he overheard us and cried. I feel bad for the kid, I do. But I was grieving too," she said. "I didn’t think it was my job to parent her child when I was barely keeping it together myself."
It definitely wasn't the job of a grieving teenager to care for someone else's kid, and the fact that she was even asked to is absurd. Grieving people have the right to say no when it feels like too much, and this girl certainly had the right to refuse her stepmother's request. It did not make her selfish; in fact, it made her courageous, as it likely took a lot of effort to stand her ground during such an emotionally charged time.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.
