Grandma Tells Grandson 'Goodbye Forever' After His Mom Confronts Her For Breaking Their Parenting Rules
Boundaries apply to everyone — even grandparents.
fizkes | Shutterstock When parents set rules regarding the care of their children, everyone else must respect them, no matter how strict or excessive they find them. It's the parents' decision how they raise their kids, and that's that. Yet many grandparents struggle to accept their children's rules, especially if they differ from how they raised them.
Such was the case for a woman on Reddit whose mother constantly oversteps her boundaries and breaks her clearly stated parenting rules. After a recent dispute, the grandmother decided she was done, bidding a final farewell to her grandson.
A grandma told her grandson 'goodbye forever' after his mom told her she didn’t trust her to watch him.
Sharing her story to the subreddit r/Parenting, the 30-year-old woman revealed that she and her husband have a one-and-half-year-old son. She described their parenting style as more "rigid" than others.
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For example, their son is not allowed to have food when he’s reclined in his car seat, can't have screen time or added sugars until he's 2 years old, and they do not allow corporal punishment. While the woman's mother-in-law can follow the rules, her own parents seem to be having immense trouble.
“My parents, especially my mom, when we tell them the rules, they constantly push back about how we need to loosen up,” the woman wrote. “For example, my mom tried to give our son food in the car seat once, and we told her not to because it wasn't safe. She asked us why, and we explained that we had done research and it's a choking hazard. Her response was that she did it with me and I was fine.”
“I pointed out [that] her anecdotal experience doesn't trump the American Academy of Pediatrics," she continued, "but she's brought it up six more times after that, saying it would be fine and when he eats on our lap he's reclined as much as he is in our car seat anyway”
The woman’s final straw came after her mother told her that she was sensing some 'coldness' from her son-in-law.
To justify her husband’s behavior, the woman told her mother that he, and she, did not appreciate the repeated digs at their parenting decisions. It ultimately led to a heated discussion in which the woman’s mother asked if she trusted her with her grandson unsupervised.
“I replied no because I think she would parent him how she sees fit instead of respecting our decisions,” the woman admitted. Her honesty was not appreciated by her mother.
“She freaked out, said I was calling her a '[expletive] monster,' told us to have a nice life, kissed our son ‘goodbye forever,’ and stormed out of the house,” she recalled. Now, the mom confessed that she is "heartbroken."
"I love my parents, but I'm not going to pretend like I'm OK with them watching my son when they don't respect our rules,” she wrote, adding that the one time they watched him for a couple of days they completely disregarded their schedule.
The woman is worried that she has overreacted, but stands by her decision, noting she is more concerned with her mother's "flippant attitude" regarding her rules. "Respect for me, my husband, and our decisions cannot be optional," she added. "I'm just so sad and lost right now."
The woman was justified in setting boundaries with her mother who repeatedly disrespected her rules.
Some commenters insisted that the woman and her husband needed to be a bit more lax about their rules. “I keep thinking about the idea 'it takes a village.' In order to have a village, you need to accept the help of others, even if it isn’t the way you’d do it,” one user claimed.
“As soon as your child ends up in school, daycare, has friends, and starts T-ball or whatever, you also won’t be able to control every bit of food or the schedule so rigidly. Lighten up a little bit,” another commenter wrote.
However, at the end of the day, it is no one's place to disrespect or judge the rules parents set for their kids. Even if the people in the woman's life believe that her parenting style is too rigid, they can either abide by the rules or lose their babysitting privileges. This applies even to grandparents who overstep boundaries.
“As a grandparent, you are not overreacting,” one Redditor assured her. “It is hard, sometimes, to stand by and see your child raise their child with rules or actions you feel are inappropriate, silly, or not needed. I get it. But we are the grandparents, not the parents.” Well said.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.