5 Gentle Clues Your Child Could Use A Bit More Support From You
Even the most independent kids sometimes need a little extra TLC.
Nima Sarram | Unsplash A Pew Research Center study revealed that 70% of the public feels it is more difficult to be a parent today than it was 20 or 30 years prior. The key challenges cited for raising a child were societal (i.e. substance abuse, peer pressure, TV/internet/movies, etc). The study also cited the immense importance of good parenting (i.e. teaching morals, discipline, and manners).
Kids are resilient, expressive, and often surprisingly independent — but even the most self-assured child has moments when they need a little extra support. The tricky part? They might not always come out and say it. Instead, their need for connection can show up in subtle ways — a bad word, a failing class, or a sudden behavior change. Tuning into these quiet cues doesn’t require a parenting overhaul, just a bit of awareness and a lot of heart.
Here are the gentle clues your child could use a bit more support from you:
1. Your child swears more than you do
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While research doesn't definitively state that a child using foul language always signifies a need for increased parental support, it can indicate underlying issues like emotional distress, seeking attention, or mimicking others, which parents should address with understanding and appropriate guidance.
2. You asked your child at least three times to do a chore yet it remains undone
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When they finally start the chore incorrectly (on purpose), you do it yourself, knowing deep inside that you are perpetuating the behavior. Children might not feel a sense of ownership or importance in the chores assigned to them, viewing them as simply 'your' tasks rather than contributing to the family.
Reserach by Cornell University found that some children might lack the necessary skills or confidence to perform certain chores effectively, leading to frustration and avoidance.
3. Your child gets a failing grade
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They immediately blame everyone else, including their teacher for not teaching, their classmates for making too much noise, their dog for peeing on his homework, and you for not hiring an expensive tutor as caring parents do.
A child receiving failing grades can be a sign that parents need to provide more support by fostering a positive, supportive, and involved environment rather than resorting to pressure or punishment. A 2023 study cautioned that constant pressure can lead to academic underperformance as it can sap a child's intrinsic motivation.
4. They get called to the principal’s office after school
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On your way through the halls, you suddenly notice that frightened children part like the Red Sea to let your child pass. A call to the principal's office could indicate various issues, such as academic difficulties, behavioral problems, or social challenges. 2011 research found that sometimes, the issue is not a lack of parental support but a specific situation requiring attention.
5. You catch them in an increasing pattern of lies
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Lying is a normal part of childhood development, as it reflects a child's growing cognitive abilities, including understanding different perspectives and manipulating situations. But if a child is consistently lying, parents should seek to identify and address any underlying issues, such as fear, anxiety, or a lack of self-esteem.
Instead of asking a child if they didn't do their homework, a parent could say, “I know you didn't. Let's talk about why that's not a good idea.” If lying becomes a persistent problem or is accompanied by other behavioral issues, parents should seek professional guidance from a therapist or counselor.
Gene Del Vecchio is an author, entertainment consultant, and previously Adjunct Professor at USC Marshall School of Business.
