Estranged Mom Tells ‘Loving Grandparents’ To Go To Their Grandkids’ Christmas Concerts — Even Without Their Adult Child’s Permission
"This sounds like a wonderful way to end up with a restraining order just in time for Christmas."
Fractal Pictures | Shutterstock It’s the time of year when kids dressed in holiday sweaters and Santa hats take the stage to belt out or play an instrument along to classic holiday tunes.
One grandparent on TikTok controversially claimed that this adorably festive occasion doesn't require an invite. She insisted that even those estranged from their families should attend their grandchildren's winter concerts.
The grandma urged 'loving grandparents' to go to their grandkids' winter concerts — even without their adult child's permission.
The grandma goes by @doormat.mom on TikTok where her bio reads "Good parents tired of being walked on by adult kids."
While her children have cut all contact with her, she doesn't intend to keep her distance from her grandchildren.
"If you are a loving grandparent and your estranged adult kids refuse to allow you to see your grandkids ... then you find out that those kids are gonna be in a Christmas concert and you're local, don't not show up," she argued.
"Sit in the back if you have to, but take in the joy that comes from watching them perform. You deserve it," she stressed. "And they deserve to know that you're there for them and that you love them and you support them."
Many commenters strongly disagreed with the grandmother's take.
Viewers argued that turning up to your grandchildren’s events uninvited does more harm than good. Overstepping parents’ boundaries will only cause further alienation and upset within the family.
"When grandparents act this way, it often drives their kids and grandkids further away," one commenter pointed out. Considering 14% of estranged grandparents have no contact with their grandchildren, that's likely true.
"Surely violating your loved ones boundaries are the best way to spread joy and be involved," another user wrote. To that, the estranged grandmother responded, "Sitting in the back of the room and watching violates no boundaries ... Parents don't own the room."
Instead of disrespecting the parents’ wishes, some commenters encouraged the woman to ask what she could do to help repair the relationship. That way, in the future, she could potentially attend her grandchildren’s events the right way — with an invite.
Evgeny Atamanenko | Shutterstock
However, she has made it clear in her other videos that she has no intention of changing her behavior, repeatedly calling her kids "ungrateful" and demonstrating a complete lack of accountability.
No matter how much you want to be a part of your grandchildren’s lives, the decision is up to their parents.
Grandparents, as a general rule, do not have the legal right to visitation with their grandchildren. While specific state laws vary, most have some legislation that does, however, allow grandparents to petition courts for that right, but chances are, going that route will only make estranged adult children more resistant to any reconciliation.
Until the kids are old enough to decide for themselves or their parents change their minds, it's best not to show up to their holiday concerts unannounced. While it is likely painful not to be involved, it's ultimately not your decision to make.
You must respect the parents' boundaries, even if you disagree with them.
However, just because grandparents are forbidden from seeing their grandchildren does not mean they are forbidden from loving them from a distance. Support them from afar as you attempt to rebuild your relationship with your adult children, and hopefully, you will score a concert invite in the future.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.