7 Debilitating Concerns That Hold People Back From Being A Great Parent

Parenting is a field of landmines full of anxiety triggers, and no matter how old your kid is, those triggers will always be there, no matter how irrational they may be.

We're all slightly terrified that our newborns are going to roll over in their sleep and suffocate themselves, that our grade schoolers will get lost or abducted on the half-block walk from the bus stop to home, and that our teens will... well, that list is so endless that we're not even going there.

With so many real issues in the world today, it's time we let go of these unnecessary debilitating fears we all harbor as human beings responsible for our precious offspring.

Here are the debilitating fears that hold you back from being a great parent:

1. 'I won't bond with my baby'

pregnant woman maxim ibragimov / Shutterstock

No matter how much you love or hate pregnancy, how disconnected from or close to your own parents you are, and how overwhelmed or excited you are by the prospect of becoming a mother, I guarantee you will eventually bond with your baby. It might not happen immediately, but it will happen, and even before it does, you'll still feel a hardwired urge to care for and protect the tiny creature.

2. 'I won't be as good of a mother as my own'

smiling mother with daughter Yuri A / Shutterstock

This one was big for me because my mom is pretty much a saint and my favorite person on the planet. At 13, I wrote in my diary that she was my best friend.

What 13-year-old girl says that about her mother? She's the toughest act to follow, but after becoming a mom myself, I realized I didn't have to. I am a different person, and therefore a different but equally good parent.

The worry of not being as good a mother as one's own is a shared experience. This often stems from societal expectations and internalized guilt, potentially leading to perfectionism and decreased confidence in parenting abilities.

A 2022 study explained that it's essential to recognize that worries about being a good enough mother are every day and that striving for perfection can be detrimental. Instead, focus on building a strong and supportive relationship with your child, and remember that good enough parenting is often the most effective.

3. 'I will never sleep through the night or have time for myself again'

mother sleeping with baby Ground Picture / Shutterstock

There's a reason so many of us can barely remember our child's newborn stage: it's like a sleep-deprived trauma we've purposely blocked out. But it's also just a stage. Your child will eventually sleep more, your arms won't always be filled with a baby, and you might even miss it. I mean, I don't, but you might.

4. 'My baby will suffocate, stop breathing, or suffer some other spontaneous death that I could have prevented'

anxious mother feeding baby paulaphoto / Shutterstock

Of course, we want to protect our babies and put them in the safest environments possible, but after you do that, you've got to give this one up. Babies, however small and fragile they might look, are actually pretty sturdy, and that doctor-approved sleeping environment you're putting them in isn't a death trap.

Research indicates that intrusive thoughts about harming a newborn, including suffocation, are common in new mothers, with some studies suggesting that up to 100% report such thoughts. However, most don't act on them. These thoughts are often linked to postpartum anxiety and can be distressing, but are generally not indicative of a real risk of harm.

5. 'My child will cause themselves grave injury unless I watch them constantly'

mother playing with toddler Bohdan Malitskiy / Shutterstock

Most toddlers seem to lack the self-preservation gene, running into traffic, climbing every possible surface, and putting anything they can in their mouths. So, yes, they need supervision, but they're also fast as heck and destined to have a few scrapes and bruises, so don't beat yourself up about them. They all heal.

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6. 'My child will get abducted, lost, or otherwise harmed while I'm away from them'

anxious mother with child running around fizkes / Shutterstock

Modern parenting has pretty much abandoned the free-range kid (I mean, my grandma kicked my elementary-school-aged mom out of the house at 8 a.m. and rang a bell to call her in for dinner nine hours later, and she had only a vague notion of where she was all that time), but once your kid enters school, there will be times when you won't know where they are.

They will survive on the walk from the bus to the classroom, and they'll make it to your neighbor's house two doors down for that play date. Giving them a longer leash not only makes your life easier but also gives them a sense of independence and confidence.

Mothers are also more likely than fathers to say they are extremely or very worried about their children being bullied, being kidnapped or abducted, getting beaten up, and getting shot. A study by the Pew Research Center explained that Moms are also more likely to express concerns about their children having problems with drugs or alcohol.

7. 'I am irrevocably screwing up my kid'

mother hugging teen daughter fizkes / Shutterstock

This one is inescapable, but you're probably not — at least, not more than any other parent on the planet. But maybe save up for a few therapy sessions anyway.

Katharine Stahl is a freelance writer and journalist. She has been featured in the Sydney Morning Herald, Yahoo, The Age, SheKnows, The Canberra Times, and more.