4 Reasons You Might Want To Date A Criminal

Many people would say that there are dangers of dating a criminal and even advocate checking criminal records of online daters. In many situations where your potential date is a criminal there is reason to be cautious. Sometimes this fact will be a good reason to not pursue a relationship or even a date. In other situations, you may still be interested in dating the criminal, but you will need to exercise certain precautions.

However, simply deciding that there is a problem based on the single fact that the person is a criminal is a form of absolutist thinking. It does not take into account that there are people that have committed crimes or been convicted of crimes that you might want to date. In fact, there are even felons that you might want to date because of the fact that they are a criminal. Here are four reasons you should consider dating a criminal.

1. The crime is in the past. We have all done things for which we need to be forgiven and have had to find ways to start over again. You may believe that when someone has done their time that they have paid the price for their crime. If you hold to a belief that a person should not have to continue to pay for a mistake after they have already paid the price for that mistake but operate differently around a potential date you will be questioning your integrity. This does not mean that you may not need to have certain cautions but then you are also not likely to be talking about a more recent crime. 3 Questions To Ask Before Dating An Ex-Con

While recidivism is a real problem for those who have been incarcerated with a majority of released prisoners being re-arrested within three years, many criminals are not involved in crime after their release. There are programs that attempt rehabilitation of criminals or for some just the experience of dealing with their crime is enough to make lasting change. For example, Judge Mathis (of Detroit and now television) was incarcerated as a juvenile but turned around his life based on his mother's interaction with him there. He cites this experience as generating his lifelong commitment to redeem himself and to work for change in the lives of street youth.

The person you are looking to date may not be a better person because they are a criminal, but they could be a better person because of the way addressing their crime has made them to become.

2. They don't have a criminal mind. There are people who commit crimes who do not know that they are committing a crime at the time. This can occur because of complexities of laws or situations where the person does not have the background to understand the situation (such as copyright infringement or technical investment laws). There are also cases where someone engages in an act that may not be the wisest or most appropriate, but where the legality of the act was not really thought about (such as teens sexting teens violating child pornography laws or engaging in adultery in New York).

In these cases, you might want to take into account their basic judgment but do you want to consider such a person a criminal? Their actions certainly speak differently than someone who intentionally commits a felony. 4 Critically Important Tips For Avoiding Dangerous Men

More dating advice from YourTango:

• Ladies, You Need To Watch Out For These Online Dating Red Flags
• 10 Signs He Wants To Kiss You — Right. This. Second.
• 28 Bad Relationship Habits You Desperately Need To Lose By Age 30

In a similar vein, there are people that are convicted of a crime because of their association with an act but were not really fully involved in the act and certainly were not acting with a criminal mind. This happens in the case of some financial crimes where your potential date may have been convicted while simply going along with the advice that they were receiving. It may also happen when they didn't really initiate the crime but fell into it by association (e.g. getting arrested for an assault that came up in coming to someone else's defense).

If you feel that their crime does not represent a criminal mind there might be positive things about the way they think and act that comes out in exploring why they are a criminal.

3. Breaking the law was a good thing. If a person violates a law for a reason that you believe is honorable, then such a criminal is someone that you would want to date. This is especially the case where the arrest and conviction is related to some form of civil disobedience that you believe in. In recent years, you might think of people acting for needed immigration reform (such as the Rev. John Fife who went on to lead his denomination as a felon) or occupy protesters. The fact that your potential date is a criminal in this way means that your potential date feels strongly enough about something that you share to pay a price to act on it.

In other cases, you may feel that breaking the law is a good thing because you disagree with the law that is being broken. For example, if you believe in the right-to-die you may be attracted to someone that has been convicted under assisted suicide laws. Some people may feel similarly about possession of small quantities of certain drugs. Again, the fact that this person is a criminal confirms the fact that you have similar philosophical or moral convictions or something about similar lifestyles.

4. They really did not commit the crime. There are people who are innocent who are convicted by our justice system. There are cases where someone has already completed their sentence where they are still not exonerated when new evidence comes to light. There are also cases where you may believe that they are innocent (but there is reason to be more skeptical in these cases).

Your potential date may also not have committed the crime they were convicted of but may have pled to it to try and protect others or because they had done something and felt that this was their best outcome possible. In these cases, you will again have to determine how you feel about what they did as well as what their plea arrangement says about their personality. Online Dating Safety: 7 Signs He's A Criminal

While discovering your potential date is a criminal may often be a deal breaker, there are cases where you should still consider whether you want to date them. In fact, there are even situations where their crime or the situation around their crime should enhance your interest in them.  Exploring this rather than automatically judging them will allow you the chance to pursue a good relationship and help you enter a situation where you can find peace and wholeness.