Psychology Says People Who Are Good At Reading People Have These 5 Perceptive Traits
We're all connected.
HeAlwaySmile | Canva I wonder if you find it as meaningful and fun as I do when someone “gets you.” To me, this experience is rooted more in being understood, appreciated, and accepted for who you are and what has value to you than in just being liked.
In this article, you’ll find ideas and actions for reading and honoring other people’s minds and hearts. By being alert for opportunities for empathy, intuition, telepathy, clairvoyance, and synchronicity, you may spark that process of connection.
This process takes mostly pleasurable work as you transcend the protective layers of personality as safely and responsibly as possible. Not as difficult as you may think, here are two well-known skills and processes for doing that.
Psychology says people who are good at reading people have these 5 perceptive traits
1. Empathy
You already know about empathy which is deeper than sympathy. It involves being able to experience or at least imagine the feelings of another person. This does not mean succumbing to them but understanding their experiences and thinking, the challenges they face.
That may mean letting go of your own concerns for a while to leave space for what matters to others. Author, actor, and activist Maya Angelou believed we all have the capacity for empathy, but may not have the courage to show it.
An example from a man who worked with author, lecturer, and activist Marianne Williamson: “'Jonathan, I need you to tell me what you’re thinking right now because I think it’s the most important thing in the world to you right now.' Tears pooled in the corner of my eyes before she finished the sentence and as I recounted my distress, I met with a rush of compassion. She listened intently ─ never breaking eye contact ─ and then after offering a few words of advice, she grabbed my hand and prayed for me.”
2. Intuition
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
Intuition can come as a hunch out of nowhere without conscious reasoning. This ability to understand something immediately, supposedly from the blue, maybe suspect because it appears seemingly magically.
But it’s actually based on patterns of accumulated experience that are chunked together, according to Nobel prize winner, professor Herbert Simon. So trust and verify.
I’ve gotten into trouble when I have not followed my intuition in some personal relationships. In one, at first meeting the person seemed self-important, in another immature and not self-aware.
Though my initial impressions were spot on, I still got entangled. After too much time and investment, I had to ruefully admit I would have been better off acting on my intuitions. What have your experiences and choices been?
Reading people through intuition is primarily based on the brain's ability to quickly recognize behavioral patterns, body language, and tone of voice. A 2016 study published in Frontiers in Psychology explained that the brain draws on past experiences stored in memory to form an almost instantaneous judgment or gut feeling about someone's emotions and intentions, often without conscious awareness of the process involved. This is considered a form of pattern-matching and is usually called thin slicing.
If you’re still skeptical about intuition, consider scientist Albert Einstein’s take: “A new idea comes suddenly and in a rather intuitive way. But intuition is nothing but the outcome of earlier intellectual experience.”
Here are three less conventional ways to read others’ minds and hearts ─ and possibly souls. They are telepathy, clairvoyance, and synchronicity. Now, I’m not suggesting you go woo-woo into the worlds of mysticism.
Yet many aspects have long, credible pasts across many countries and centuries. For example, the father of American psychology and eminent philosopher William James was an investigator when he was active in the Society for Psychical Research, founded in 1882.
3. Telepathy
Telepathy involves “receiving thoughts and feelings over distances” between people who are close to one another. Possibly related to empathy and intuition, I think it reflects a level of intimacy and sharing over time.
That converts to being able to imagine others’ forthcoming actions, from calls to choices. According to Going Deep magazine, there are three methods: induction, visualization, and belief.
- Induce the emotion, image or desire that you’re sending within yourself first, and allow yourself to be experiencing it at the moment.
- Visualize the emotion, image or desire traveling to that person, receiving it and experiencing it too.
- Believe the communication happened the way you intended it to be.
4. Clairvoyance
Clairvoyance may also overlap with empathy, intuition, and telepathy. It translates to clear vision which the dictionary defines as “the alleged ability to gain information about an object, person, location, or physical event through extrasensory perception.”
This may feel eerie to many involved, but I sense it also has elements of foresight gleaned from the accumulation of often unacknowledged insights and exposure to experience.
A study published in Memory & Cognition found that clairvoyance used in reading people is primarily explained by a combination of factors, including confirmation bias, cold reading techniques, expectancy bias, and the natural human tendency to interpret ambiguous information as meaningful, with no actual paranormal ability involved. Skilled practitioners use psychological cues and subtle observations to provide seemingly insightful readings, while clients often fill in the gaps with their interpretations and desires.
5. Synchronicity
Look Studio / Shutterstock
My own favorite among these three situations is synchronicity because it’s so much fun and accessible to many people; it’s also the often unanticipated result of your own effective efforts.
Clarified by psychologist Carl Jung’s concept of meaningful coincidences, synchronicity addresses events unrelated by cause. They occur in a manner that often benefits both parties.
I bet you’ve experienced synchronicity when you bumped into an old friend or met someone new whose interests and experiences align closely with yours. Both my clients and myself have had this “happen” when we’re on a path that’s a good match for us and we have been doing our due diligence to get there. I like to think of it as unplanned reward for good behavior without expectations!
Then, how to put yourself in the way of that happening? First of all, don’t expect or think you can force synchronicity. It’s more likely to evolve unexpectedly when you’re doing something that has meaning to you and you’re acting authentically, I think. I also believe being optimistic may contribute. Based on your experiences, what are your ideas?
Action steps for your experimenting.
These several steps can bring together your ideas and opportunities from considering this article:
- Listen patiently and kindly to people with whom you have good connections, asking open-ended questions starting with “what” and “how.”
- Make sure your assumptions about others are correct by checking them out directly and indirectly. Perhaps Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius’ thought would help with this: “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”
- Pay attention to others’ interests and needs without sacrificing your own.
- Let go of your expectations about cause and effect in favor of authentic choices, openness, and self-awareness.
- Do your due diligence and take small steps to meet your own goals, hopes, and dreams.
I hope you enjoy your adventures into the future and outcomes, including unanticipated, good surprises. From committing to reading other people’s minds and hearts, you may forge further connections, even as far as touching souls occasionally. To help with this, choose among empathy, intuition, telepathy, clairvoyance, and synchronicity to explore, experience, and develop further.
Ruth Schimel Ph.D. is a career and life management consultant and author of the Choose Courage series. She guides clients in accessing their strengths and making viable visions for current and future work and life situations.