8 Super-Sweet, Easy Ways To Bring Romance Back To Your Relationship
You don't have to use big romantic gestures to bring the romance back.
urbazon | Canva Who doesn't want a great relationship with a little extra romance? If you put your mind to it, you can, all by yourself, make big changes in your love relationship. If you follow even some of these tips some of the time, it can make a big difference in your love life. The more you follow them the better the results.
Here are 8 super-sweet, easy ways to bring romance back to your relationship:
1. Hug your partner at least 3 times a day
If it is not already a habit, start with a warm hug when you meet at the end of the day. Work up to 3. Hugs are calming, and they aren't necessarily intimate. They just need to feel good — protective, loving, affectionate. You don’t have to feel like it — just do it. Or tell your partner, "I need a hug!" You will know when you have held it long enough by how your body relaxes and your small exhale of breath.
2. Instead of a complaint, make a specific action request — in a kind tone of voice
Instead of "You never do nice things for me!" it could be "I would love it if you would rub my back when I feel tired." Or instead of "Those pants look awful on you!" say, "You look so great in those other pants. I like looking at you!" or "You look so handsome/beautiful when you dress up." Or, instead of "You lazy bum, pick up your clothes!" say, "I appreciate it when you pick up your clothes. It makes me feel so good about you!"
3. Do something nice your partner does not expect — daily
Cook a good meal when your partner feels stressed. Kiss him/her on the spur of the moment. Give a small gift when it isn't an occasion. Do a special favor. Clean up something your partner accidentally broke or spilled just to show your love and support. Think of something you would like to have done for you, and do it for your partner instead. Don't worry if he/she doesn't reciprocate right away. Give it time.
4. Write a loving, forgiving, or appreciative note to your partner and put it someplace for them to find as a surprise
Under a pillow, in a lunch, in a pocket, on a mirror — you know the places!
5. Initiate intimacy when your partner could be receptive
This is especially effective if you are usually not the one who initiates — making sure it is comfortable in terms of time, privacy, and energy. Have patience if it doesn't happen the first few times.
6. If you disagree, respond first by summarizing what he or she wants before beginning to tell what you want
Knowing you have heard and understood what your partner wants is a good beginning and calms the mood. Then tell your partner what you want in as specific a manner as you can, using only the words needed to explain. Be curious, not furious. Think about why it is that your partner wants something and ask, "Can you say more about that so I can understand better?"
7. Share your feelings about what happened, as well as the events of your day
"My boss told me I did a good job today, and I have been feeling a bit discouraged about my performance, so his words made me feel better!" Or "It was a tough day today with the baby's cold. It's hard when I don't know what to do to make her happier." Or, "It's hard to get up and go out on these cold days, but it warms me to think I am doing this for my family."
8. Make plans for fun as a surprise, or plan with your partner
Fun together is an important part of your relationship. Invite friends to do something with you, play games, or go for a walk and hold hands. Go dancing like when you were dating, or plan a future trip to a place you both dream about. Make your fun fit your reality in terms of time and money — imagination is important. If you practice even some of these tips, your relationship is bound to improve. You don't have to tell your partner about it and don't expect him/her to notice the changes when you begin. Changes take time. Just make it happen! It surely works for me when I want to spark up my marriage.
Colene Sawyer Schlaepfer, MFT, Ph.D., has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 40 years and is the author of Fishing by Moonlight, The Art of Enhancing Intimate Relationships.