A second divorce for a Marriage Therapist? Devastating, and it happened to me! It was a difficult marriage but I was in it for the long haul. He said he had to live alone and I had to leave. It took a while for me to recover from the shock and loss, but it fueled my determination to learn secrets behind my choosing not just one, but two partners who did not work for me. The good news? If it had not happened I would not have gone on the search which has added richness to my life and to the lives of others. What goes on beneath the surface when we fall in love and create the kind of relationships we create? My search led to my book you can read and a class you can take--or teach if you can find small groups to work with. The book is "Fishing by Moonlight, the Art of Enhancing Intimate Relationships" and the class is "Better Relationship Course".
Logic to falling in love? There is, if you look deeply enough into relationship history and family history to discover the behavior patterns that appear. I created exercises which help people do that, and use the information to choose and create healthy partnerships.
Using what I learned, when I was completing my first book I met and married the love of my life, Fred, whose picture appears here with me. He is now my co-therapist in our work with couples. The couples who come to us like seeing us as a couple and feel supported by having both genders included. We have, over twenty years of our marriage, created a well-functioning step family including my four children and his two. Now we are enjoying nine grandchildren and one delightful great grandaughter,
For years I have enjoyed teaching the Better Relationship Course based on the book. I have taught clients. church groups, singles groups, and agencies. I taught the clients in one agency and the staff were intrigued and asked that I teach it to them as well.
Now I am making the class available for others to teach. The six-week course, two hours weekly, includes a detailed syllabus, the exercises, and a book for each student. The skills of healthy communication are taught and students have the opportunity to practice in class. There is also a section on "Becoming the Optimal Partner", and one on "Healthy Relationships". The core of the class, and the book, are nine carefully crafted exercises to be done by each individual in the class. Both singles and couples can do the exercises in the same class as each person does his/her own work. People learn from each other in the discussions that follow. The logic behind falling in love and choosing this partner, out of all the others in the world, becomes understandable. This information about yourself can help you make the most of the growth potential in your marriage. If divorce happened to you, as it did for me, you may be looking as I did, for why?? did this happen to me? My article "Five Things I Wish I Had Known Before My Marriage: My First One" will give you more clues.
As an expert you can teach and learn for yourself while growing your practice and contributing to your community. Who isn't curious about what actually goes into the "logic of love". Couples learn about the ways they trigger each other's anger, and how to grow from conflict. They learn to be "Curious, instead of Furious".
To learn more go to http://www.fishingbymoonlight and http://www.betterrelationshipcourse.com. I would love to hear from you if you have questions. Email me at colenephd@gmail.com or check our practice web site at http://www.forwomenandmen.com
