How To Stay Positive About The Future Of Your Love Life In Uncertain Times
Your love life can make it through this!
getty Staying positive about the future of your love life is difficult enough in normal times. In uncertain times as you are now, it requires much more effort to stay positive about love.
In these challenging times due to COVID-19 there are many mitigating circumstances out of your control.
You've probably been issued stay-at-home orders from your state governor to a greater or lesser extent. Many are at home working and many unemployed.
Your life has been interrupted beyond anything you have ever experienced before. You have many fears — fears about money, your physical and mental health, social distancing from family and friends, and some with children schooling at home.
Managing all these issues can be overwhelming, causing insurmountable stress to both couples and families.
Those not married have much of the same issues as those married and couples living together. Relationships need balance and harmony to stay healthy. Communication is essential.
Here are 5 ways to help stay positive about the future of your love life during these uncertain times.
1. Remember to count your blessings.
You do have a choice — to be a victim, a survivor, or to rise above these challenging times like a phoenix, the mythological bird that rises from the ashes to become more empowered than the days you left behind.
Many amazing transformations come from adversity. In her book, When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron writes, “Only to the extent that you expose yourself over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in you.”
If you have food on the table, a roof over your head, and money in your bank account, you are in the top 70 percent of the world’s population.
Be sure to acknowledge your blessings. How? Simple: Just say thank you.
If you are lucky enough to have a partner, thank them for all the happiness they have brought into your life. Acknowledge and honor what you shared together that made you happier when things were not so stressful.
Remember the best in your partner, their goodness, their love, their warm hugs, sweet kisses, and all the deeds of kindness they bestowed upon you.
If you seek, you will find. And while you’re at it, thank your God as you know God.
2. Practice quality time together.
These are perhaps the most challenging times of your lives. How you respond to them will make a difference in the outcome.
It’s natural to feel annoyed or agitated when you are in proximity with your partner 24/7. As human beings, you require your own space and solitude. It’s easy to become restless and find fault with one another.
In so-called “normal” times you have both your space and solitude, but too much of anything is not a good thing.
Use this time to talk. Find matters that have been on your mind, good and bad that you had no time to share when your life was so full of must do’s, should do’s and have to do’s. Now is a good time to share your thoughts, concerns, fears, hopes, wishes, dreams, and memories.
You may discover things about each other that you never noticed before. New discoveries come from re-connecting. Learn the language and the landscape of your partner that you didn’t have time to notice before.
Sit down after dinner when the kids are tucked in for the night. Have a glass of wine or a cup of tea. Look into each other’s eyes and see the child in your partner, who's struggling just as you are.
Let your compassion flow forward to their eyes and soul. Reach them with your open heart and warm eyes.
It’s not as difficult as you might think. Be gentle, tender-hearted, and empathic. Recognize their vulnerability, and build a stronger connection by looking for the best in your partner rather than their faults or weaknesses.
Affirmative inquiry brings you closer and the magic of connection raises the level of intimacy.
3. Be mindful!
It’s easy to blow off steam, raise your voice with contempt, criticism, and judgment. When you're under stress with no relief in sight, you become easily frustrated and irritable.
You lose your patience and lash out at your partner, unaware of how that can eat away at your love and potentially destroy your relationships.
Your relationships are fragile, and not unlike a puppy or a rescue dog, they need tender, loving care, support, words of encouragement — and most of all — love.
It’s important to be conscious of your behavior, your choice of words, and your tone. Be mindful of how you respond to each other. Think before you act.
In his book, Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, Steven Covey says there is a space between stimuli and response. It’s called thinking!
Try to be mindful when responding to something that drew anger or even rage. Think of your outcome goal before reacting. What do you want to achieve? Be pro-active instead of re-active. It will serve you and your relationship well.
This applies not only to married couples with or without children, but couples living together as well.
4. Make time to make love.
Unless you're too old or not in good health, make love! It’s nature’s best tranquilizer!
It’s not easy to feel sexy when you're angry. Instead, channel your negativity into positivity. Watch a sexy movie together if it turns you on.
Use this together time to fuel your relationship with hot intimacy. Sometimes in difficult times, it’s the glue that will keep you together and get you through these months and the emotional gauntlet.
You know that stress can reduce your sexual appetite. However, it can alleviate your stress, too.
Be mindful of this temporary condition, and be willful to make love instead of war. Excite your partner with fantasies and favors you may never have had time to do in your busy and exhausting lives. Instead of holding a computer in your arms when you go to bed, hold each other.
5. Meditate and exercise daily.
Take 15 to 20 minutes a day to sit alone or with each other and meditate. If you don’t know how, go online, and download any choice of meditation guides or mobile apps. There are hundreds online that are viable and helpful.
Pray together. Find time to exercise together. Take walks, ride bikes, jog, or dance together. It will create more passion and fun, rather than bickering or stonewalling.
Take the lemon and turn it into lemonade. Be creative, be light-hearted, but most of all, feel the love. Your love will get you through more than those less-fortunate people who have no one in their lives to share these unprecedented times with.
Be grateful for what you have, rather than sorrowful for what you don’t. Be resilient!
Your determination and fortitude will accommodate your life force and help you preserve what is most important in your life — mental and physical well-being and your relationship. Don’t ever lose sight of this!
If you apply these five principles and practices in your daily life, I promise you a successful relationship despite these surrealistic times you're experiencing. You will get through. These applications you learn now will be more rewarding when all this is behind you.
According to Makenna Berry of Saybrook University, adversity has its benefits, including a newfound sense of resiliency:“Resiliency involves having the mental and physical resources that help you deal with challenges in life."
You may find that our current situation can make your relationships stronger, more resilient, and ready to face new challenges in the future.
Joan E Childs, LCSW is a renowned psychotherapist, inspirational speaker, and author. For more information on how to create and maintain a conscious relationship, pre-order Joan’s new book, I Hate The Man I Love: A Conscious Relationship is Your Key to Success.