The 9-Step Guide To A HOT, Mindful Blowjob (That'll Make Him Come)

Blowjobs are one of the most beautiful expressions of intimacy and love for a partner or lover. For men, receiving a blowjob can be one of the most arousing aspects of their sexual experiences, supported by the old adage “There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob.”

For women, offering this gift mindfully creates sensations through her body that enhance her feelings of sexual pleasure. Sometimes women report that they get more arousal from giving their partner head than from any other kind of foreplay activity. I can only imagine that for gay men it must be very enjoyable to give your partner something you know you would enjoy just as much.

Observing sexual pleasure in others makes up a large part of our sexual desires, so surely, being the one who is administering such pleasure is even better? To gain such enjoyment from offering a blowjob, you need to be exceptionally mindful and present during the act. If you're pleasuring your partner’s penis simply for them, you probably won’t enjoy it as much.

Getting into the mindset that you are pleasuring him for your stimulation can really change what you feel when you give him head. These simple steps will teach you how to give a blowjob you both enjoy.

1. Always ask permission.

You may be in the mood to pleasure your partner, but check in with him if it's the right time. If he isn’t in the mood, then don’t be disappointed.

Allowing a space in a relationship for either partner to say "no" without consequence removes many unnecessary barriers regarding sex. Knowing that you both have the freedom to take a rain check creates much more trust and intimacy in your sexual relations than if you react negatively to their “no.”

2. Use your eyes. 

Before you even start, look at your partner’s penis. Have a real, proper look. Notice its contours, size, color, firmness, hairiness. Drink up his magnificent penis with your eyes. Notice his scrotum. What does that look like? Does it make you want to giggle?

Whatever arises for you, embrace it. In honoring his penis with your eyes, you begin to realize the complexities of this amazing part of the body.

3. Use your hands. 

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Slowly begin to touch his penis with your hands. Treat it gently, as though it is a very delicate and treasured item. Again, using your sense of touch to soak it all in. Feel it in every possible way you can and notice every sensation beneath your fingertips.

Stroke around the whole area — include his belly and thighs, too. Notice what is happening. Is he becoming firmer? Is he showing signs of pleasure through breath or movement? And importantly, what is it like for you to notice these things? Does it turn you on?

4. Use your breath. 

Before you begin the blowjob, gently blow on and around his penis and pubic area. Start further away and slowly get closer and closer. Again, be present and mindful. Not only to what is happening for your partner, but what is happening within yourself as well.

5. Use your mouth. 

Gently start to use your mouth on his penis. Use your tongue and your lips. Often when people don’t enjoy offering oral pleasure, it is very evident to the receiver as they avoid certain areas or using their lips. If you're willing to explore the idea of the expansive nature of oral pleasure, then dive in! But gently at first. Just a flick of the tongue or a chaste kiss intensifies his sensations.

Be present to taste, texture, smells, sensations. By now your partner is very aroused (whether he has an erection or not) and it's highly possible that you are, too. Once you have your mouth on his penis, explore by trying different things such as varying pressure or speed. Remain aware of his responses and use your intuition as to what he prefers.

6. Use your words. 

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So often people struggle to communicate about sex, particularly during sex. But how else will you know if your partner is happy with what is happening? Just like you asked permission initially, ask if they're enjoying it. Ask if they might prefer something different. Ask them if there is any discomfort.

Don’t be afraid to gauge your partners pleasure by asking. Most people are very happy to know that their lover is so considerate.

7. Use your brain. 

Many people would believe that knowing how to give a blowjob includes the need to have the inevitable ending, but this is not true. Blowjobs can end in many different ways. You could move to intercourse or manual stimulation.

If you really wanted to up the ante, you could stop before his climax and let him take a turn giving you oral stimulation. You could make a game of this and see how many turns each of you can take before you explode. Or you could simply lay back and cuddle.

8. Use your respect. 

Ensure that you're fully comfortable with whatever arrangement you have with your partner regarding ejaculation BEFORE the mindful oral pleasuring. If you need him to warn you when he is going to ejaculate so you can change your tactic, tell him that. If you're comfortable for him to ejaculate in your mouth, tell him that, too.

9. Use your judgment. 

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This myth that all sexual activity must end in climax often derails people. Expectations are set up and when they're not met, disappointment ensues. People can feel inadequate that they haven’t had an orgasm, or feel as though they are not doing it right if their partner didn’t have one either.

If you remove all the hype around orgasm, you create an environment that facilitates relaxation and enjoyment. Sometimes it is good enough to just feel those amazing sensations without focusing on the goal.