7 Skills Of Women Who Somehow Manage To Be Good Moms And Wives Without Losing Themselves
American culture makes moms have to make themselves great.
Anastasia Shuraeva | Canva Do you find yourself overwhelmed, overworked, and undervalued by a life so fast-paced you can’t keep up? If so, it's likely your relationships suffering because no matter how much you try, you sense all your efforts aren’t good enough. You often wonder what special skills are possessed by those women who somehow manage to be moms and wives — without losing track of themselves.
This is the problem in a culture with a supersized mentality. The culture instills in us how bigger is better and striving for more is what we should be doing. It is the great American way, if you don’t have a McMansion with a three-car garage, you have not made it yet.
Seven soft skills of women who are are good moms and wives without losing their identities
1. They don't neglect taking care of themselves
For many women, the idea of how to take care of yourself emotionally seems like a foreign subject.
Most people don’t even think about taking care of their emotional health, as shown in Clinical Psychology Journal. They are too busy working, shopping, and wishing for more. And still, with all the striving for more, there is an emptiness that comes from such a mindset.
The ADAA stated anxiety disorders are the most common illness in America. Depression is often accompanied by anxiety. In addition to anxiety and depression, Americans consume the largest number of pain medications in the world, as suggested by the NIH.
What has caused this sad state of affairs? We have lost sight of what is most important, love and connection. Love and connection are more important than any big diamond ring or fancy sports car you could ever own.
But, some people sacrifice taking care of themselves emotionally and being true to themselves over having these nice, fancy items. They create a lifestyle that is based on looking good instead of feeling good. They forget how to stop and smell the roses and instead stay busy reaching for the next big thing to fill that empty hole.
2. They don't fill their emptiness with the next big thing
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The point is the next big thing will never fill that empty hole. What fills that empty hole is all found within you.
Learning how to take care of yourself emotionally is a far greater investment than any McMansion, diamond ring, or sports car you could ever have. Having a sense of connection and love in your life will give you the sense of emotional care you are looking for.
The depression, anxiety, and reaching for pain medication that happens across our nation is because of one big cultural phenomenon: people’s inability to feel their feelings. Not feeling your feelings and instead, repressing them, is at the root of much of your emotional struggles.
Our culture has provided you with built-in, ready, and available ways to numb your uncomfortable feelings. We have happy hours, huge shopping malls, Casinos, and 24-hour supermarkets, for example. Over-eating, over-drinking, over-shopping, and even gambling are often right at your fingertips.
How can you learn how to take care of yourself emotionally when you were born into and brought up in a culture that doesn’t even know how? And what does it mean to take care of yourself emotionally anyway?
3. They get cozy with uncomfortable emotions
Believe it or not, your uncomfortable emotions, if cared for, will bring you more connection, more love, more joy, and happiness than you ever dreamed possible.
It is the pushing away of your emotions and not wanting to tend to them that leaves you feeling, sad, lonely, depressed, anxiety-ridden, and reaching for pain medication or other numbing substances.
All of the cultural solutions are outside yourself. When you learn how to reach in, instead of reaching out to people, places, and things to solve your problems, your world will transform.
Your uncomfortable emotions are there for a reason. They are trying to tell you something. They offer priceless value to help you if you are willing to listen. If you don’t listen to them and instead repress them or numb them out, they don’t go away, they come out sideways in what I call the 3 D’s:
- Disease
- Drama
- Depression
I have a process called the 4 N’s that shows you how to feel your feelings and thus really take care of yourself emotionally. The 4 N’s are Notice, Name, Nurture, and Need.
4. They can recognize their uncomfortable emotions
The first part of this process is to notice you're having an uncomfortable feeling. How often have you had a second or third class of wine or a second or third piece of pizza when you didn’t need it?
Were you having an uncomfortable emotion you didn’t know how to take care of? Noticing is the biggest first step in learning how to take care of yourself emotionally. It interrupts the habitual behavior.
5. They can name their uncomfortable emotions
Once you notice, then you can name the emotion. There are so many different types of emotions. When working with clients who are learning how to feel their feelings, I help them by categorizing feelings into 6 different types: sad, mad, glad, fear, numb, and shame.
By categorizing them, it helps you to distinguish and become aware of the different types of emotions you have. Each emotion has its unique characteristic. It becomes an art form, learning how to pay attention to all your different emotions and feelings that arise during the day.
6. They can nurture their uncomfortable emotions
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This is at the heart of how to take care of yourself emotionally. Your uncomfortable feelings are energies in your body. They want your attention just like a crying baby wants attention.
Feeling into your body, placing your hands on those parts of your body that are emotionally talking to you, and giving them your undivided attention is key to taking care of yourself emotionally. Learning how to do this has profound effects on your ability to create loving relationships in your life.
7. They are in touch with their core needs
We all have needs, but we have been programmed to think having needs means we are needy. Getting in touch with your core needs is another big part of learning how to take care of yourself emotionally.
Ask yourself, "What do I need?" This is a very empowering question and again there is a fine art to how you answer this question.
When you take care of yourself emotionally, you stop operating from your blind spots, make better decisions, and gain control of your feelings and impulses.
Anna-Thea is an author and certified divine feminine educator who educates people on how to claim their power lovingly.