11 Signs He Proposed, But Has No Intention Of Marrying You
"Shelving" is a real thing.
AJR_photo / shutterstock There are a lot of guys out there who talk about how “they’re looking for marriage” only to date girls for years, eventually leaving them because they “weren’t ready.” I know this, because both my best friend and I have been on the receiving end of that — and it’s brutal.
This practice wastes your time, makes you feel used, and worse, gives you the feeling that you weren’t “good enough” for him to marry.
I call these “engaged on principle, placeholder in action” kind of relationships, also known as Fool’s Gold relationships. This is because it looks so nice on the outside, but it’s actually a worthless and fake relationship in every sense of the word.
Frankly, experiencing this kind of relationship has put me off to dating and has also done the same for others I know as well. The truth is, though, that a lot of the hurt we felt could have been prevented. Had we noticed the signs that we were in a Fool’s Gold relationship, we could have cut things off sooner and looked for a better match.
Worried he’s not legit about his feelings?
Watch for these signs he may have proposed but he won't marry you and is just using that ring to shut you up.
1. He’s still flirting with other girls, or quasi-cheating.
A man who is serious about marrying you will not be on the prowl for other ladies. When guys act this way, it’s their way of “keeping their options open” and it shows where his mind’s really at.
So, don’t stay with this guy. At best, you’ll marry a serial cheater. At worst, you’ll waste your time and wreck your self-esteem.
2. You pay almost all his bills, he lives at your place, and offers zilch in terms of housework.
Gold diggers aren’t always female, and in many cases, they’ll propose just so that they can keep the gravy train going. The thing is, some guys might actually marry you if they’re enjoying the free ride.
However, a surprising amount will just let the gravy train keep going until you put your foot down about marriage.
3. You’ve been together for years, have a kid, live together, but for some reason, he’s still “not ready” to marry.
Statistically speaking, the chances of a man proposing shoot down considerably after the first 3 years of dating. If he makes a point of maintaining the status quo and brushing marriage under the mat, this is one of the big signs he won't marry you.
4. He keeps coming up with excuses as to why he can’t say a wedding date right now.
He’s “too busy.” He’s “just about to get ready.” Yeah, sure. If he can’t come up with a date, he does not want to marry you — and is just engaged to you because it’ll shut you up.
5. Despite being engaged, he makes a point of keeping his family and you separate.
This is something my ex did, and I should have understood what it meant. When a guy does this, he’s making it crystal clear that you are not his family, nor will you ever be. If he felt otherwise, he’d make a serious effort to see you hanging out with his loved ones.
6. It was an uphill battle just to get the ring on your finger.
Did he dangle it as a prize for you to earn? Did you have to threaten to leave, guilt him, and nag him in order to get it? Newsflash: he’s probably not going to marry you if he had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the jewelry shop.
7. He’s evasive about the future.
A guy who wants to marry will constantly talk about how he’s planning the apartment, which wedding venue he wants, or how he can’t wait to see you in a dress.
A guy who will propose but won’t marry you simply will be evasive about any future plans whatsoever, even when it comes to moving in together or planning holidays together.
8. He claims he’s “against marriage” but proposed.
Yeah, this is a key sign that you’re in a Fool’s Gold marriage. If a man says he’s “against marriage” or not into the idea of marrying, understand that he’s serious about it when he said that.
The ring? Well, that’s called “going through the motions.”
9. The relationship doesn’t feel right.
More often than not, a Fool’s Gold relationship looks great but doesn’t actually feel great. Something feels hollow about it, and it’s hard to quite explain why.
Sometimes, it’s a lack of sex or loving body language. Other times, it just feels forced or has a weird tension running through it. Either way, it won’t feel right because it’s not right.
10. You feel you need to sell him on marriage.
This is never a good sign, and often suggests that neither he nor you value yourself enough. If you need to sell him on commitment, he’s an idiot and you’re a fool for staying with him.
By the time you’ve gotten to this point, he’s made up his mind that you’re not what he wants and you’re trying to revive a relationship that’s D.O.A.
11. If you're honest with yourself, you kind of know he doesn’t want to marry you.
If you were reading this hoping that you would be able to just avoid this or explain away his behavior, sorry. Most people will know when someone’s not down for jumping the broom.
And if you’re reading an article trying to figure out what’s going on, chances are your relationship may not pan out.
OssianaTepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey.