13 Signs He's Only Using You For His Own Validation
You deserve more than being some guy's prop.
Jester-Flim/Shutterstock If there’s anything that OkCupid and other “wonderful” dating platforms have taught me over the years, it’s that there are a lot of guys who legit have issues with their own self-esteem.
Sadly, most men who have those issues tend to have this insane idea that their ability to have sex with women, control women, or use women somehow proves that they are “the man.”
Though there are moments where we all use our relationship status as a self-esteem booster, the fact is that there are definitely some guys who take the ego boost to an unhealthy level.
There are many guys out there who end up using the girls they’re dating as permanent status symbols, much like how certain guys may drive a Ferrari to overcompensate for something else.
Worried that he doesn’t actually like you for you and just wants to use you as a status symbol? Here are some signs he's using you as a way to validate himself.
Here are 13 signs he's only using you for his own validation:
1. He regularly has talked about how he always “got the prettiest girls”
Generally speaking, men who talk about how many people they’ve had sex with or the quality of the people they have sex with have severe, deep-rooted insecurities about themselves. When they’re doing this, it’s basically ego self-soothing.
They’re saying what they hope other people see in them, with a desperate hope that they’ll at least get someone to agree with them. Trust me when I say that a guy who speaks like this about other trysts will speak the same about you.
2. He brags a lot and asks you to agree with him
This should be obvious, but it’s often not. If he has to literally beg you to tell him the things that he wants to hear, you know it’s bad. Like, really bad. You need to get a new guy if he does that.
3. He’s way more affectionate when among others than he is at home
This is one of the signs he's using you and that he just wants to show off that he has the “perfectly happy” relationship that people yearn for. What actually is going on, however, is a totally different story. He may not actually like you that much, but he’ll keep you around to show others that he can get a girlfriend.
4. He tends to make a point of showing you off around his (or your) exes
Guys who do this tend to be more about “stealing” someone else’s girl than actually making a connection. I speak of this from experience.
5. You often question if he actually knows who you are as a person
Men who use women as validation really don’t care what the woman likes, what her dreams are, or even how she prefers to be treated. As a result, they tend to treat women in a uniform manner, impose things on them, and just steamroll girls who tell them that they don’t like something they do.
If you regularly wonder if he’s even listening to you when you tell him what you like, chances are that he sees you as a prop for his ego rather than a person.
6. He collects a lot of status symbols
One thing I’ve noticed is guys who are very insecure about their social status tend to collect status symbols in every matter of the word. For example, they would be the type to exclusively sip Starbucks at work, require Grey Goose, wear a pair of Yeezys at the gym, and also drive as pricey a car as they can get.
If everything has to be shiny and status-y, then you shouldn’t be surprised if you are his status symbol, too.
7. He treats you like arm candy
Does he get irate if you actually talk like a normal human being or if you “upstage” him? If so, then you need to get out of this relationship. That’s not the way healthy relationships work.
8. He only got interested in you when you showed disinterest in him OR because someone else showed interest in you
Men who are really insecure with themselves chase women based on how desired the women are in their group. Men who have really serious issues will only chase women that aren’t interested in them. The reason why this happens is because they aren’t attracted to the girl; they’re attracted to the fact that she’s “unattainable” or wanted by others.
9. You’ve heard him brag about your sex life to people, and not in a “normal” way
Okay, this shouldn’t ever be “normal” per se, but most guys will just say something along the lines of, “Yeah we’re happy in bed together” to their friends. If he’s going into graphic detail about what you do in bed, it’s about his status as a guy who gets laid, not about his status as a guy who actually loves and treasures his partner.
10. His friends tend to have “trophy wives” or “trophy girlfriends”
For a lot of men, this is their lifestyle. It’s about collecting trophies, even when it comes down to the kind of spouses they choose to marry. This isn’t a healthy lifestyle in my opinion because it objectifies just about everything and also means that he sees you as a reflection of his success.
His kids? They’re a reflection of his success. His pets? Also trophies. You? Yet one more thing to show off to friends and coworkers. Should you stop looking pretty or glamorous, he’ll dump you. Is this what you want in a spouse?
11. You’ve heard him brag about pulling “10s” or have heard things like “HB9” over the phone
This is a really, really bad sign that you’re with someone who is a pickup artist for all the wrong reasons. Guys who talk like this see women as conquest prizes rather than people and often tend to take on really toxic behaviors, too. Worse, it’s also a sign he may be cheating on you. After all, why would he be bragging about bedding multiple women with a “10” body?
12. He makes a lot of remarks about your body
There is nothing wrong with a guy who compliments your body, but there’s a certain point where the remarks he’s making stop being ego-boosters and start being creepy. If you notice him making weird remarks to others or telling you to “watch your figure,” he’s probably more into your packaging than you. This same rule applies if he keeps bringing up your job or your wealth.
13. Everything seems fake
Generally speaking, you’ll know if a guy is only with you because of status issues. It’ll feel fake or forced. If something doesn’t seem right, you may want to take a moment to decide if this is what you want to pursue.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.