Traits Of Your 'Shadow Self' That You Attract In Relationships
Your 'shadow side' is revealed through the traits of your Descendant sign.
Polina Shirokova via Unsplash / Dstudio via Canva We all have a 'shadow self' that typically comes out through interactions with other people, especially those we date.
According to TikTok creator and Evolutionary and Intuitive Astrologer Taryn Leigh Bond, “The shadow self is by design the opposite of you." Your shadow side can be found through your opposite Ascendant sign, also known as your Descendant sign. We often attract those romantic partners who represent our own shadow side because, as astrologist A.T. Nunez explains, "the Descendant sign is representative of the half of you that's 'missing.'"
Once we discover our shadow self it can be integrated, acknowledged and worked on so we can have better and healthier relationships.
Let’s take a look at your opposite sign by Ascendant and the shadow qualities those you date may bring to the table.
Traits of your ‘shadow self’ that you attract in relationships
Aries Rising / Libra Descendant
Your opposite is Libra, so the shadow side can be indecisive, detached and at times hard to pin down. The natural Libra characteristics, such as a great sense of style, diplomacy and fairness, sometimes show their darker underside. If this is the case, these qualities can turn to vanity, snobbishness and vacillation or inability to make a decision.
In past relationships, you may have had no qualms about leaving a relationship that didn’t interest you or serve you any longer and were unconcerned about how your partner might have felt because you were bored. If this is the case, explore the fact that sometimes you won’t be the mover and the shaker or decision maker and there is nothing wrong with allowing a partner to share these traits along with the responsibilities that life presents. Giving yourself permission to tap into your partner's true feelings will help you form a more lasting bond and be more discerning about whom you spend your time with.
Taurus Rising / Scorpio Descendant
"You may have found yourself in relationships with people you feel like you can't trust or you never fully know what's going on with them," Bond explains, an attraction triggered by having your Descendant in Scorpio. "You have a very chill presence, so you date people that reflect the part of you that wants to possess and own somebody. Once you acknowledge and own the part of you that’s a little bit secretive and maybe doesn’t lay it all out there, you'll start finding passion instead of pain in your relationships.”
Gemini Rising / Sagittarius Descendant
According to Bond, “You might find yourself dating a player or someone who is just super cool, but may be a little bit flighty and wishy-washy and have a tendency to go into tangents." This is due to your Sagittarius Descendant, which reveals your shadow side's Sagittarius traits such as a lack of focus and fear of commitment. “If you are magnetized to this type but they are also your Achilles heel, integrate the part of you that can be assertive and domineering for a second and then get restless and bored.”
Cancer Rising / Capricorn Descendant
Your shadow side is represented by Capricorn traits, so you tend to attract "people who are cold and aloof and then feel hurt because they aren’t sympathetic or empathetic to your pain," Bond says. "Once you integrate the part of you that actually does want to call the shots instead of just be at the whim of life, you can form a relationship where you are two independent, driven people going your own directions and holding hands side by side as you do it.”
Leo Rising / Aquarius Descendant
The shadow side of Leo is characterized by aloofness and unpredictability. “If you are a Leo Rising, you may find yourself in relationships with people who scare you a little bit," Bond explains. "You’re probably attracted to people who wear their dark side on their sleeve because you feel you can’t be that; you have to be the Sun." She explains that, in order to have healthier relationships, "Your work is to recognize the part of you that sometimes behaves in shocking and unsettling ways and also the part of you that feels like kind of a weirdo even though you don’t really want to be seen that way.”
Virgo Rising / Pisces Descendant
The shadow side of Virgo has to do with sacrifice and wanting others to do the work for you. According to Bond, this is seen through your tendency to “date people who need you to take care of them. This is likely a response to the part of you that wishes people would take care of you. So you perpetuate a caretaking role by choosing people that you have to take care of...These people may be unmotivated and unpredictable which allows you to see yourself as somebody who is those things." To foster healthier relationships, "Integrate the part of you that is just ready to just throw in the towel and start to nurture your inner child so you can stop manifesting them as partners.”
Libra Rising / Aries Descendant
The shadow side of Libra is characterized by impatience, arrogance and bluntness. You may date people who come across as being overconfident, too blunt, and not very warm or demanding and self-centered. These people may attract you because there are parts of you that "wish you could be like that, but instead, you feel like you have to people please and keep the peace," explains Bond. You may need to integrate the part of yourself that does not always become the peacemaker and instead tell others about your real thoughts even if they will shake some people up. Once you do this you will be far more balanced and not always feel that you can express your opinions even if you know your partner will disagree.
Scorpio Rising / Taurus Descendant
The shadow side of Scorpio Rising is characterized by materialism, stubbornness and resistance to change. You may date people who are overly attracted to wealth, date people for money or who are lazy. You may need to integrate the part of yourself that can let go and not always have to be in control of everything. If you can learn to loosen up on being suspicious all of the time and accept that you do not always have to make the decisions or try and possess others and control their actions you will be better able to have a trusting and loving relationship.
Sagittarius Rising / Gemini Descendant
The shadow side of Sagittarius is flighty and unable to make a decision or take a firm stand on any subject. You may have dated people that are superficial, players, materialistic and changeable. Once you acknowledge and understand these qualities can reside in you, you can begin to think in terms of a positive relationship that includes trust, mutual understanding and exploring new ideas and concepts together as opposed to separately.
Capricorn Rising / Cancer Decendant
The shadow side of Capricorn is characterized by moodiness, feeling like a victim, emotional changeability, fearfulness and a tendency to hang on to things that have outlived their purpose. Perhaps as a young person, you didn’t experience deep maternal love or stability. "You may date people that have a very sensitive emotional side that is simultaneously comforting, somehow — and pisses you off," says Bond. If you can acknowledge your occasional moodiness, fearfulness and feeling like a victim you can form a relationship that entails stability, deep love and respect and come from a standpoint of being in control of your own destiny as opposed to feeling victimized by the world.
Aquarius Rising / Leo Descendant
The shadow side of Aquarius has a constant desire for attention, is unpredictable, and makes you feel as though no one cares about your thoughts, opinions and ideas. Perhaps you grew up in an environment where you were not encouraged or someone else always got the spotlight. You may have a tendency to date people who are demanding of your time and always want to be the center of your universe. Once you can understand and accept the fact that sometimes you may want to be in the limelight and pampered on occasion you will have a far better chance of attracting a healthy relationship with someone who can acknowledge your quirks and mostly bright ideas and you will have a greater chance of a positive lasting relationship.
Pisces Rising / Virgo Descendant
The shadow side of Pisces involves setting standards for yourself or others that may be out of touch with reality or what is possible. This can cause you to feel constantly demotivated and uninspired. You may feel overly critical of others and at times yourself. You may have dated people that you find discouraging and negative that leave you depressed. Analyze your own standards and how you apply them to yourself and others. If you date people that seem depressive, remember that it’s not your job to fix them. Love and relationships are not always about taking care of others. Sometimes you may feel a need to be taken care of by others instead of the other way around all the time. If you can come to terms with this you have a far better chance of finding a healthy and happy relationship.
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Leslie Hale is a professional astrologer offering personal astrology readings worldwide by phone, WhatsApp, or Zoom.