Debra Block, CDC, MBA - Expert

I survived divorce!

Of course, the initial days were rough. Beyond rough. But I’m proud I found a way to put the pieces together in the way I wanted the picture to look.

It’s an odd sort of accomplishment, because the last thing I wanted was to be divorced. I’d been married for 20 years with three wonderful children. My husband and I had built what I thought was a wonderful life together. We grew from kids in college into mature adults with responsibilities and a shared vision of the future.

Turned out, I was in denial.

When my husband uttered that dreaded word — divorce — I had the horrible feeling of being blindsided you hear so much about. But as I examined the realities of my marriage, I began to see that the flags had been there for years, practically smacking me in the face. My dreams of being part of a happy family had kept me from recognizing them.

My parents’ divorce had given me plenty of insight into how divorce can implode a family and how the children are affected. The parents find new partners, build new lives, but the original family often gets lost in the process. That’s what happened in our family. Because of my parents’ choices, as an adult I was always trying to regain that sense of family, never entirely sure what it should look like.

And then, in 2005, divorce created even more havoc. Because it happened to me.

I remember being distraught that we had to tell our children this was now their reality. It was the saddest day of my life. Not only was my marriage over, but the family we’d all been a part of was history, too.

When I look back, I realize the smartest thing I did was to build a team of support. Friends and family, yes — but more important, divorce-related professionals. I’ll always be grateful to my stepfather for helping me retain a good problem-solving attorney, one who showed me how the chaos of divorce can be managed, how to put the children first, and how the outcome can lead to a strong co-parenting relationship.

Let’s be honest: even with all that structure and support, there were awful days. Times when I had no idea how I’d ever get to the other side. How could two people with every intention to divorce peacefully find themselves on totally opposite ends of an argument, having such ugly conversations? Thankfully, my team of professionals were there for me (as their schedules and office hours allowed).

Making it to the other side of divorce offered me a new perspective. Friends and acquaintances dealing with divorce began to share their stories, asking me, “What should I do?” And “How can I find a strong attorney — what does one look like?”

It became crystal clear that there was a need for a new divorce-related professional. Someone to be in people’s corner, by their side, helping them manage their divorce where it really happened: outside the legal and financial offices. Someone who could refer them to an attorney who was a problem-solver, not a flamethrower.

In other words, a divorce coach.

I wish I’d had that kind of support when I was going through my divorce. So much of the turmoil I experienced could have been avoided, or at least minimized, if I’d had someone to talk things through with me and help me strategize how best to communicate. Someone who was responsive, not reactive. Who offered a safe place to breathe, vent, cry, and then move forward with a plan.

As a certified divorce coach, it’s my mission to be that valuable team member for you.