Ben Hartman

I have a confession. I’m a (GASP) swinger. My wife is too (most of the time anyways, haha).

My name is Ben, and my wife Dedra and I have been in the lifestyle for around 4 years. Before that, well, we were the typical monogamous happy-ish couple. We followed the typical American dream blueprint. We were high school sweethearts who got married on our 10 year anniversary (hey what’s the rush).  Bought a house and got a dog. Worked our 9-5 jobs and had typical repetitive monogamous sex once a week or less. Then it hit us. What the fuck were we doing with our lives.

We knew Dedra had a slight interest in women from a few drunken college experiences she had (isn’t that what college is for?). So we decided to take action to spice our life up. What started out as watching porn and discussing scenarios together eventually turned into full-fledged couple swapping, threesomes, and the occasional group play. We took a risk and it paid off. We became swingers.

Fast forward a few years and we’re stronger than ever. We’ve survived most of the drama you hear about in the lifestyle, and are a more fulfilled couple because of it. We outed ourselves to family and friends, had some wild and crazy experiences, and tested our marriage to the breaking point….and not only survived, but thrived because of some crucial take home points.

Recently we were even given the opportunity to share our story on a reality TV show called “Neighbors with Benefits”. While the show is in TV limbo (canceled, might return), we have been given an incredible opportunity to mentor and guide some hopeful newbies in the lifestyle and help them avoid the same mistakes we made, as well as learn some valuable lessons that swinging either taught us or reaffirmed after so many forgetful years.