6 Kinds Of Booty Calls Every Woman Should Experience At Least Once
Because one size never really fits all.
Volodymyr TVERDOKHLIB / Shutterstock Finding a new booty call is about as hard as interviewing candidates for a new job. Not only does he have to be completely sexy and know that you just want to have a good time, but he needs to understand that you deserve respect.
You are proud of who you are and what you do! It takes a certain kind of guy to understand this.
Beyond this, the key to a successful booty call is having the perfect array of men in your rotation so you don’t get bored, and so that each time, you experience something completely different. (Come on, if I wanted the same sex every time, I would get a boyfriend!)
Here are 6 types of booty call experiences every woman should have (and how you can find each with one simple text).
1. The Crazy, Sexy, Kinky One
This is the one that you don’t even have to talk to. You text things like, “What are you doing later?” — and he responds with, “You."
So you jump into your car, get there as fast as you can, and realize your panties are on the floor faster than he can ask you how your day was. The sex is out of this world and you wonder how he can possibly even move his tongue like that.
He doesn’t even flinch when you throw him your brand new cheetah furry handcuffs and tell him to lock you up because he knows all about your kinky side and thoroughly enjoys taking care of it.
When you are done with all of this amazing sex, all you have to do is throw your clothes on, grab your car keys and blow him a kiss while walking out the door, because you know he’ll be waiting for your next text. You are just that good.
Most likely found: At your local sex shop, stocking up on new whips and bondage
2. The Smart Foreign One
His accent in itself has the power to turn any girl on, but when you throw in the fact that he actually cares what you have to say, it brings it to a whole new level.
I love writing, so when I find someone who can actually talk about literature and other things in an intellectual way, it makes me want to not only share my views but also share the view of what I look like naked.
Lucky for me, it just so happens that my current intellectual lad is gorgeous, British, and has a love for red wine. Sometimes, you need that guy who will make out with you for hours and cuddle you with clothes on, because hey, even the most sexually active girls need a little cuddle sesh now and then.
Most likely found: Huddled in the poetry corner of your campus library
3. The Throwback One
A week before each Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring, and Summer Break, like clockwork, you get that text, “When do you get home?” which we know truly translates to “When do we get to f*** like we are seventeen years old again?”
You’ve been having sex with this guy for as long as you can remember, and he was probably the rebound hookup from your first heartbreak, so you can never say no to him.
The fact that you go to his bedroom at his parents’ house, and it hasn’t really changed since high school, really takes you back. It makes you remember exactly what it was like to be an awkward high schooler.
Then, you show him all the new moves you’ve learned since the last break, and you leave with a hug.
Truthfully, you will probably see him at a house party that weekend, where you will act like nothing happened, and you are just two old high school friends.
Most likely found: Playing football with his friends at a local park the first weekend day of Thanksgiving break
4. The One With The On-Again-Off-Again Girlfriend
At one point in your life, you thought this guy could be your next boyfriend, but then he ended up getting back together with his ex... again... for the fifth time that month. But for some reason, you keep answering the phone whenever he calls newly (and temporarily) single.
He is always ready for a good time — and he also swears this is the final breakup. Occasionally, he will cry to you about said ex.
You smile and nod, and tell him that he is better off without her, but he goes back to her anyway, at which point he stops answering your calls... until they break up... again.
Most likely found: Crying and extremely drunk at your local bar. But don’t worry, you’ll see his sexiness under all those tears.
5. The Older Rich One
Every girl deserves to be spoiled a little bit, especially by an older man or Sugar Daddy who has his stuff together financially.
He can take you to dinners where you can actually put to use that overly expensive dress you bought and swore you would wear someday. He loves that you are a young, free-spirited woman who knows what she wants in life (oh, and he loves that your breasts are still perky, unlike women his own age).
You’ll feel like complete arm candy when you are with him, and he won’t stop complimenting you... and who doesn’t like being told they are beautiful?
Most likely found: At a swanky bar in any major city, after five when the corporate jobs are let out
6. The Best Friend With Benefits
He’s the one you actually spend hours laughing with. You can take him around your friends, who claim you will end up together, but you know that you’re just keeping each other’s sex lives entertaining until someone else comes around.
You go out for drinks and maybe even dinner, but whenever you think it's heading into relationship territory, you quickly remind yourself he’s only your friend — a friend who just happens to come over, eat you out, then watch the new episode of "American Horror Story" with you.
That’s normal, right?
Most likely found: You’ve known him forever! Now you just have to cross that line...
Now that you know what kind of guy to look for, and even where to find him, go out there and get him!
Put on a sexy outfit, apply that hot lipstick, and wear your best push-up bra. Then flirt with him like hell, give him your number, and wait for him to text you. Don’t worry, he will!
These six guys will be a great time while you’re waiting for Mr. Right to show up!
Slutty Girl Problems aims to give you a daily stream of funny yet thought-provoking posts about sex, dating, relationships, feminism, and many more topics.