I Told A Guy To Write Me An Essay About Why I Should Send Him Nudes
Here's what he wrote.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock Ladies: name one thing worse than a guy asking you for nudes. Go ahead, think about it — I’ll wait.
Nothing? Correct.
It’s one thing if you take it upon yourself to share intimate photos with someone you’re in a relationship with, someone you trust enough to keep your photos safe. It’s good for your relationship, even.
But that’s a lot different than seeing a “send nudes” text on your phone screen out of nowhere.
Up to this point, I’ve used all the tricks a girl can use in the situation. I’ve responded with photos of nude lipstick, nude heels, and even an actual nude photo (that the recipient, unfortunately, couldn’t see because I took the photo in the dark).
Each time, I’ve wondered, Why do guys ask for this? What makes a random guy think I’m gonna strip down for him? But why wonder when you can go straight to the source?
So, because I’m fresh out of f*cks to give, I told a close guy friend (who's always down for discussing the bizarre inner-workings of the male mind with me but also apparently appreciates a good nude photo) that asked me to "send nudes" to write me an essay on why I should. Here’s what he had to say:
It's completely understandable that with the way the world is today, you’d be a little wary of sending nude selfies or pictures.
I mean, you have hackers running rampant throughout social media with the sole purpose of acquiring such images and revenge porn sites where photos are traded like Pokémon cards.
The average male, feeling emasculated in today’s society, can (and will) show them off to his friends as an achievement in masculinity.
If you’re going to take the risk of sending nude selfies, I better deserve them — but the thing is, no man deserves nudes of any woman.
A woman’s body is hers and hers alone, and to say I deserve them is offensive. But it's because I understand this that I feel I can safely say I deserve them.
Before you send any nudes, I’m sure you want to be sure they won’t go any further than my eyes. I really hope you trust me enough that this is irrelevant but just in case, let’s get straight to the point.
I know you are madly in love with me: the way you tell me that you aren’t interested in a boyfriend, how you ignore me when I ask to hang out when you pretend to fall asleep every time I try to make sexual advances — you couldn’t make it any more obvious. What may not be as obvious is that, yeah, I kind of like you too...a little bit...maybe.
What I am trying to say is, not that I’m the jealous type, but I don’t want any other guy even thinking about you naked (and I am totally not getting angry just thinking about another guy thinking about you naked. That would be insane).
Even if you asked me to show your nudes off, I would refuse — not that I don’t respect you and your wishes, but because I have to respect my own feelings too and I just couldn’t do that to myself no, matter how badly you want everyone else to see.
You may think this is just about me and what I want, but there is plenty of benefit in it for you as well.
When I ask for nudes, I'm asking for you to make yourself vulnerable. It feels good and it's therapeutic to be praised in that vulnerable moment.
Everyone has little quirks and embarrassing details or ideas about their body image. Not only is it healthy, but I think it’s necessary to show off your birthday suit once in a while, just to remind yourself that you are hot (BTW, you are hot).
It may seem like a big deal at first, and maybe a little shameful, but come on — everybody gets naked every day. The only difference is you are saving the memory and sharing it with a trusted friend (at least I hope you trust me).
I think I’ve made it pretty clear as to why you should feel comfortable sending nude selfies at this point.
I bet you’re sitting there filling up your camera roll right now in preparation, just looking for an excuse to send them.
All I need to do now is prove to you that I am the person you should start (and, not that I’d be jealous or anything, also end) your nude pic-sending adventure with.
Who else would say they’d support you if you ever decided you wanted a sex change operation and wouldn’t think twice about staying with you despite his heterosexuality?
How many guys would drop everything and move across the globe with you on-demand (well, maybe quite a few for that one)?
But above all else, who do you know that would spend the entire day writing, erasing, and rewriting an essay, stressed out and panicking to get it perfect, just for you to consider sending him a single nude picture?
Micki Spollen is an editor, writer, and traveler. Follow her on Instagram and keep up with her travels on her website.