7 Sex Problems You Shouldn't Stress About, According To Medical Experts
These issues aren't too big a deal.
rawpixel.com / Shutterstock We really don't want to mess with our health, but some issues seem especially dire when they impact our sex life. But are they that big of an issue? Maybe not.
Sex problems can stem from physical or psychological reasons, and there's a lot that can lead up to something being an issue or not worth worrying about. It’s important to understand that some sexual changes are normal with age.
"There are a lot of taboos around the sexual performance and time. For example, some people think that they are sexually insufficient if the actual sexual act lasted five minutes, but there are studies that show that satisfactory sex can be had between three to seven minutes," says Luis Herrera, M.D., a minimally invasive surgery specialist.
While you may think that having issues with or during sex is bad for you, here are 7 common sex problems (and solutions) you don't need to worry about.
1. Not having enough sex
"I only have sex 3 times a week. Is something wrong with me?" you may think. Although there are many benefits to having sex, if you're single, having casual sex may not have the same sex benefits.
"There is so much pressure to be sexy and sexual that many people have sex and later have regrets. In fact, one study showed that if you're motivated by autonomous reasons, hooking up can be OK for you," says board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman.
"But if you're swayed by pressures or aren't being intentional," she continues, "this is associated with lower self-esteem, and higher depression and anxiety. It's healthier to figure out what works for you."
2. Not feeling lubricated, even if you are aroused
For women, not feeling lubricated can raise issues.
"Vaginal lubrication can be affected by a variety of things, including medication, age, where you are on your cycle or even the air in the room. If you are emotionally aroused but you aren't having the physical effects that you usually get, just grab your favorite lubricant and try not to stress," advises Celeste Holbrook, Ph.D., sexual health consultant and educator.
"Don't use only your physical wetness as the only way to tell you if you are aroused. Tune into the rest of your body and mind in order to truly know your arousal level."
3. Not being in the mood
If you’re not spontaneously in the mood for sex, it’s not necessarily a sign that something is awry.
According to sexologist Dr. Jess, "Some people need to experience arousal before desire, not the other way around. While it’s true that declines in libido can be related to other health issues, in many cases, declines and variations in libido are perfectly normal.
Your interest in sex is highly individual; just as some people have huge appetites for food and others eat very little, so too do our libidos vary from person to person. You don’t need to be 'fixed' if you have little interest in sex, you just need to make sure you find partners with whom you’re compatible."
4. Having a curved penis
"Curvature of the penis is an indicator of Peyronie's disease, which is probably more common than reported," says Dr. Philip Buffington, chief medical officer of the Urology Group in Cincinnati.
Men can have a fracture of the penis or even a microfracture of the penis during rough intercourse, usually caused when a woman is on top and causes acute angulation of the penis."
5. Having problems reaching climax
One common sex problem that you really shouldn't worry too much about is feeling like you can't orgasm during partnered sex.
"According to a SKYN Condoms Millennial Sex Survey, about half of folks with vaginas struggle to orgasm consistently," cautions clinical sexologist Rena McDaniel, M.Ed.
"This can be for lots of reasons including stress, getting stuck in your head, having a partner who doesn't quite know how to get you there, your cat is staring at you, and so on. Let go of having the goal for sex be orgasm and enjoy the ride!"
6. Feeling dry down there
Another extremely common concern in sex is a lack of lubrication for folks that have vaginas.
"This isn't an issue for two reasons: First, lube. It makes everything better anyway, so just have some handy if you need it. Second, just because you aren't lubricated doesn't mean you aren't into it. Lubrication doesn't happen sometimes for lots of complicated reasons and doesn't mean that something is wrong between you," says McDaniel.
7. Having erections that don't last
If you lose your erection during sex, it isn't a cause to panic.
"People can lose erections for a lot of reasons, but a big one is thinking too much about losing an erection," McDaniel says.
"It’s like eating an ice cream cone while thinking, 'Am I having fun? Do I like this? Do I like chocolate or strawberry ice cream better? But what about sprinkles?' Just eat the damn ice cream and enjoy the experience."
Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyles writer who focuses on health, wellness, and relationships. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly. Follow her on Twitter or email her.