Woman Wonders If Her Boyfriend's 'Golden Retriever' Personality Is Actually A Sign Of Something Much Darker
That is no golden retriever.
pixelshot / Canva Pro We’ve all heard of the ‘golden retriever’ boyfriend personality, which is essentially the type of partner who is loving, easygoing, upbeat, and silly. Similar to the dog breed, they make it easy to maintain a happy relationship.
However, could this personality be used as a manipulative excuse to negate disloyal suspicions?
One woman took to Reddit to share her discomfort with her ‘golden retriever’ boyfriend’s new friendship with his colleague.
In the subreddit “r/relationship_advice,” the woman explained she’s 28 and her boyfriend is 29. They have been together for six years and living together for two. She described him as a "giant, dorky, handsome gamer with a naive, childlike heart," hence his "golden retriever" personality.
Recently, her boyfriend went on a work trip with a new colleague of his, a 29-year-old woman. When he returned, he seemed elated. She began noticing he was being secretive with his phone, but when she confronted him, he denied it.
A few days later, she asked him directly if he had been texting his colleague. He responded, saying “Yes, and I lied before when you asked because I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
The woman revealed she and her boyfriend have been experiencing some relationship issues recently due to his avoidant attachment style.
She asked if he could slow down this new friendship so they could work on their relationship with each other, and he agreed.
As days passed, the woman had the intuitive feeling he was still hiding things from her.
Following her instincts, she asked to see his phone — something she had never done before — only to discover hundreds of photos exchanged between him and his colleague within the last few weeks. She found what she believed to be flirtatious messages sent to the colleague. She additionally discovered that he added and direct messaged the colleague on Instagram only hours after she had asked him to distance himself from her.
Despite everything she found, the boyfriend continued to deny he was capable of any disloyal behavior. “He assured me that he was not capable of that! Again, he’s just a cuddly dog!” the woman wrote in her post.
A week later, the woman said her boyfriend opened up to his colleague about her discomfort with their friendship, and he asked if he could start texting her again because he felt bad that he "made things awkward."
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“I wish he hadn’t aired our problems out to her, or blamed me,” the woman expressed.
The woman concluded the post by asking for advice, wondering if she was overreacting to what some would consider "golden retriever" behavior, or if he was exhibiting unfaithful behaviors after all.
“All throughout this he’s still neglected our underlying relationship problems and instead prioritized her and her needs,” she shared. “When I call him out, it’s my fault for assuming such a lovable guy could be capable of such calculated betrayal.”
People on Reddit supported the woman’s suspicions and asserted her boyfriend was no golden retriever.
Many Reddit users believed the man’s behavior exhibited emotional cheating, which is when someone develops a strong emotional connection with another individual outside their relationship.
“He actually sounds like a narcissist playing stupid. ‘Feeling bad’ for a girl he doesn’t really know and putting her feelings above yours is not OK,” one user commented. “Golden retrievers want their people to be happy and only tend to them.”
“Dogs are loyal and needy for love. [An] avoidant emotional cheater is the opposite of a golden retriever,” another person wrote.
While "golden retriever" personalities love everyone and want to be loved by everyone, it's important to separate that energy when it comes to your partner. One thing a golden retriever would never do is betray their best friend.
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It’s telling that the woman’s boyfriend has been taking his "golden retriever" energy too far by desperately craving another woman's attention more than his girlfriend's. He has additionally used the "golden retriever" card to excuse his behavior, manipulating his girlfriend into believing he is innocently seeking friendship when the signs she has noticed suggest otherwise.
Overall, prioritizing your girlfriend over any other woman is not something that should be up for debate. The boyfriend who believes he’s as gentle and loveable as a golden retriever has proven to be far from the sweet dog breed and instead exemplifies narcissistic, manipulative behavior.
Be cautious with individuals who profusely label themselves as characters of innocence, as it may be an implication of their underlying crassness.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, and spirituality topics.