My Friend Won't Stop Talking About Her Weight — She Wants To Be Told She's Thin
She's tired of trying to reassure her friend about her weight.
Anton Estrada / Canva Pro A woman is being told to be honest and open with her friend after admitting that she's fed up with how often her friend is concerned about her weight.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AITA," she shared that her 23-year-old friend has suffered from weight and self-esteem issues that have put a damper on their friendship.
She's tired of dealing with a friend who won't stop talking about her weight.
In her Reddit post, she explained that her close friend has struggled with body image issues and insecurities about her weight for some time now. To her though, her friend has never been overweight or unhealthy.
"However, she is 'bigger boned,' in that the frame of her body is larger than she would like, but she is very fit nonetheless," she wrote. "That doesn’t matter though, because she is obsessed with obtaining a body that is simply genetically incompatible with hers unless perhaps she starved herself."
As someone close to her, watching her friend obsess over her weight and the structure of her body was disheartening. On top of all of that, her close friend would dump all of her insecurities onto her and their other friends by having continuous conversations with them about her weight.
Photo: Jacob Lund / Canva Pro
She'll constantly ask them if they've noticed any weight gain or if they think she's fat. "The other thing about her that is relevant is she lacks a complete sense of self-awareness, so not only does she not realize how uncomfortable this question would make someone. She does not want a genuine answer, she just wants to be told she is thin," she continued.
She's tried her hardest to remedy this situation the best way she can. From giving her friend validation, support, and empathy, she's tried everything.
She's even suggested that her friend seek out therapy and has tried to level with her about how this obsession with her body and weight is not healthy, and speaking about it incessantly with their friends isn't helping either.
"While I love her very much I am reaching the point where I simply can not hear about it anymore, and have begun almost evading the question, 'Am I fat?' entirely because I am at capacity. There is no correct answer, and it honestly ruins our time together when she is so consumed by these thoughts."
People agreed that she wasn't wrong for wanting her friend to seek help about her body image issues.
"Please stop thinking of this in terms of controlling her behavior. Instead, control your own," one Reddit user suggested. "My favorite definition of a boundary is a condition plus a consequence: 'If you do XXX, then I will do YYY.'"
"Consider setting a boundary with her. 'If you ask me about your weight, I will simply ignore you.' See if that makes you feel better. You've clearly told her that you simply won't participate."
Another user added, "If you haven't already, sit her down and tell her how uncomfortable this question makes you and that you from that point on will no longer involve yourself in this line of questioning. Then every time she asks or brings the subject up, simply remind her that you will not answer that question and change the subject."
"Obviously you want to be a good friend but if it affects your relationship then it goes both ways. You can provide support to her but she also can help respect your boundaries," a third user chimed in.
Unfortunately, many women struggle with body image issues and weight insecurities.
According to a survey conducted by the Mental Health Foundation, while 21% of adults (23% of men and 19% of women) felt satisfied because of their body image, 20% (15% of men and 25% of women) felt shame, 34% (25% of men and 43% of women) felt down or low, and 19% (12% of men and 26% of women) felt disgusted in the last year because of their body image.
Self-esteem issues and a lack of confidence in our bodies aren't something we should ever keep bottled up, and it may be productive to have these conversations with our friends, especially when it feels like we're dealing with these insecurities on our own. However, at some point, if the negative thoughts become too much, it's helpful to seek out a professional who has the tools and resources to properly help.
It doesn't mean that your friends don't care, but it's the fact that they care so much and don't want you to feel this way anymore.
The best plan of action in this case, as many other Reddit commenters pointed out, is for this woman to calmly set a boundary with her friend and hope that their bond is strong enough that her friend respects the line being drawn in the sand.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.