Woman Tells Her Wife She Regrets Having A Baby Despite ‘Always’ Wanting To Be A Mom — ‘She Should Be Grateful’
Both moms are in a hard emotional place.
Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock Of all the emotions that come with having a baby, we mostly hear about the positive ones, like joy and deep love, and less about the more negative feelings that can arise.
Giving voice to the harder parts of parenting is a brave act. It’s never easy to admit when we’re struggling, especially when the overarching narrative around motherhood is that you’re supposed to love it all the time, an idea that’s not only harmful to moms but entirely unrealistic.
A woman told her wife she regrets having a baby despite ‘always’ wanting to be a mom.
The birth mom wrote to the r/parenting thread on Reddit, seeking support after she learned how much her wife is struggling since they had their baby.
She shared that her wife has wanted a baby “ever since she was little.”
“I was pretty unfazed but wanted to give her what she’d always wanted,” the mom said.
They have a one-year-old daughter, who the mom described as “Amazing, very smart, and absolutely adorable, however like all babies, she’s a terror when she’s sick, and she’s a daycare kid unfortunately, so she’s sick a lot at the moment.”
“Whenever the little one isn’t being the perfect baby, my wife is absolutely miserable,” the mom said. “She gets snappy, she isn’t nice to me anymore, she’s so easily frustrated, and she told me tonight that she basically regrets having a child.”
The mom felt “devastated” after her wife admitted that she regrets having a baby, saying, “In my mind I just keep screaming ‘This is what you wanted! You wanted this!’”
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“How does a grown woman not expect that a sick infant is going to be hard work?” She asked.
She said that their baby “is the absolute light of my life… And I’m so tired of feeling like I ruined her life by trying to give her exactly what she wanted.”
“I know it’s unreasonable and selfish, but I think part of me kind of feels like she should be grateful,” the mom said.
She explained just how tense their home life has become, saying, “Every time [the] baby cries, I’m instantly anxious because I know it’s going to make my wife lose her mind.”
“She needs help, but I don’t know where else to turn,” the mom said, noting that her wife sees a psychologist but said, “It doesn’t help much.” Adding, “I’m tired of crying myself to sleep most nights."
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Other moms chimed in to share their experiences with parental regret, offering as much guidance as they could.
“I know this must be excruciating, and that even though none of it is yours or [the[ baby’s fault, impossible not to take to heart,” one person said, going on to suggest that they go to couple’s therapy.
Another mom noted that non-birthing parents can get postpartum depression, which makes it “really hard” to show up as a parent and a spouse.
“I have told my husband I regretted our children before,” she said. “What I really meant was, ‘I feel extraordinarily bad, and I am struggling with the tools I have to handle these emotions. The coping mechanisms that worked before kids do not work after kids. This transition has been monumental and extremely challenging, and I am drowning in pain and exhaustion and despair.’”
“My heart goes out to you both,” she said.
Parental regret might not be openly discussed, but it’s not an uncommon feeling to have, especially for moms, especially in a country where there’s no federally mandated family leave, where daycare costs as much as college, and so many moms say they love their kids but hate being a mom.
What’s clear for these moms is that they both need more support than what they’re getting. That support can come in the form of therapy, medication, or building up their village.
Both moms’ feelings are valid, even though they’re difficult. Acknowledging how hard it is and seeking professional help are the first steps to re-calibrating their lives as a family of three.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.