Woman Saddened By How She’s Treated After Losing A Lot Of Weight During A Severe Illness
Even her closest family and friends started treating her differently.
AnnaStills | Shutterstock Beauty standards, weight, body acceptance, fatphobia — these words get thrown around a lot nowadays in an effort to advocate for body inclusivity. Unfortunately, ask anyone who has lived in a bigger body and lost weight if society treats you differently based on size, and the truth is a lot more exclusive than inclusive.
One woman experienced this firsthand, and it was a disheartening realization. In the "Dear Prudence" advice column for Slate, the anonymous woman claimed that the people in her life had been actively treating her differently because of her weight. It made her feel quite sad to think that people had been judging her when she was bigger.
A woman expressed sadness after realizing how her weight loss impacted how others viewed and treated her.
"I’m recovering from a short, severe illness. Over three months of sickness, I went from a BMI of 29 to a BMI of 20. It was horrible, and I am so happy to be recovered, although I still am weaker than I’d like," the woman began in her post. "I was very athletic and active before, and now I can barely lift weights or run more than two miles. I’m working with my doctor to regain the muscle I lost and try to avoid gaining the fat, but I know statistically that it’s going to be very hard."
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The woman realized how interchangeably society views weight and beauty.
She explained that the problem has mostly been her friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers on the street. While not everyone has commented on her weight loss, she's noticed the stark difference in how she's being treated now that she falls under what society deems conventionally attractive, and her weight fits in with the beauty standard.
She recalled one experience in which a guy she had a crush on in college, who once told her that she wasn't attracted to her, suddenly asked her out after seeing her at an event. Sadly, her experience is not unique. In a 2015 study, researchers concluded that slimmer faces, which coincided with a lower BMI index, were universally considered more attractive for both men and women.
"Bartenders suddenly notice me when I was invisible before. Store clerks are all over themselves to help me try on clothes. My boss’s boss, who’s famously hard to please, dropped by my desk to congratulate me on being 'more detail-focused and disciplined at work starting in October,'" she continued. "October is when I was the sickest, bouncing between work and the emergency room, and my weight declined the most sharply."
The woman claimed that people have become 'generally warmer' to her.
Unfortunately, this kind of treatment is pretty standard after weight loss. It's proof that fatphobia is so baked into our society that it truly affects how people are perceived and treated.
In a poll from YouGov, the majority of Americans believe that people who are obese face discrimination in various settings. More than half believe people who are obese experience prejudice at least somewhat often in each of the following: dating (80%), the job market (72%), health care (65%), public transportation (64%), restaurants and stores (61%), within their families (61%), and in the education system (60%).
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"I’m so sad and feel like all these people I thought I knew were judging my body the whole time," she added. "And being in public is painful, knowing that strangers were apparently acting on this, too. I want to wear a giant winter coat and stay invisible from everyone. How do I deal with this?"
Honestly, living in this kind of reality after experiencing discrimination and shame for your weight can be quite a minefield to navigate. But it's also grounds to bring it up in conversation with people, especially close friends and family, who might be making these comments about her weight without thinking anything of it.
Bringing it to their attention might be the best way to nip it in the bud, but it does reflect how some people feel entitled to comment on others' bodies. Truly, weight should never be a cause for a compliment.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.