Woman Asks If She’s Wrong For Refusing To Wrap A Gift For Her Fiancé's Mother To ‘Set A Precedent’
She pointed out that while it may seem small, she wanted to emphasize the kind of dynamic that would be tolerated in their home.
marialevkina | Shutterstock A woman admitted that she was putting her foot down early when it came to being the default caretaker of her fiancé's responsibilities, and it started with something as simple as wrapping a present.
In a TikTok video, a content creator named Courtney attempted to fight back the emotional labor women take on in many heterosexual relationships. While wrapping a gift for her future mother-in-law might not seem like a big ask, by turning her fiancé down, she let him know she would not be his kin keeper and that he needed to pull his weight.
A woman refused to wrap a gift for her fiancé's mother to 'set a precedent.'
"Ok, I have to tell somebody this, and I don't really have anyone else to tell, so I'm just gonna tell TikTok," Courtney began in her video, explaining that she and her fiancé just moved in together. While she was extremely excited about sharing a space with him, there was one thing that was important to her about the two of them cohabitating.
She insisted that she didn't want to become the default in their household for any task or chore that needed to be done, especially since they were soon to be married, and in many heterosexual marriages, that's, unfortunately, the norm.
Courtney admitted that even when she and her fiancé have kids in the future, she doesn't want to be responsible for everything when her husband could also pitch in.
The woman's fiancé tried to manipulate her into wrapping the gift, arguing she was better at the task.
Courtney recalled a recent incident in which her fiancé asked if she would wrap his mother's birthday present, but instead of agreeing, she simply told him that she wouldn't be doing that.
Of course, this only flabbergasted her fiancé, who was caught off guard by her refusal.
He tried to argue that the present would look so much better if she were the one to wrap it because she's good at things like that, but Courtney didn't budge. "I could tell that he was really upset about it, but I just feel like I need to set a precedent so that I'm not taken advantage of to then buy his mom's present."
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She continued, "Think of what to get her for Christmas, for holidays, then to wrap it. Then for the kids, too, for the dog. All these things just turn into a spiraling situation that I don't want to be a part of."
To compromise, she promised her husband that she was more than happy to share the supplies that she uses to wrap gifts if he needed them.
She noticed that her husband was a bit 'upset' at having to wrap his own mother's gift.
"I do have a box of wrapping paper and supplies with scissors and tape that I did give to him. And he was a little upset about it, kind of huffed and puffed while he did it. And told me that if I did it would have looked better," Courtney said. Despite her husband's reaction, she didn't regret putting her foot down with something as minuscule as wrapping a gift.
She acknowledged the fact that there were probably going to be men in her comments who admonished her for not simply wrapping the present instead of forcing him to do it, but knew that for every man, there would be a woman who praised Courtney for doing the right thing.
"This will spiral. I've heard it from so many women who have been married for years. I've heard it from my grandparents. I've heard it from people here on TikTok. If I start doing things like that for him now, it'll never end," she stressed.
It might not seem like much, but the woman wanted to take preventative measures about the dynamic of her relationship.
Courtney questioned if she did the right thing, and for some people, it may seem like such a trivial thing to put her foot down over. People will argue that it's just a gift and there's no way that by wrapping his mother's present, she's allowing her fiancé to start putting more on her shoulders, but that might not be the case. Sure, if she'd wrapped the gift for him, it doesn't mean she's suddenly going to become the default, but there's also a chance that by letting one thing slide, she could fall into the habit of letting other things slide.
Research has shown that a majority of wives in heterosexual marriages, an estimated 70% to 80%, take on the majority of the mental load in a household, meaning they are the ones responsible for cleaning up and managing household tasks, remembering to plan certain things, and even taking care of most of the childcare if there are kids involved.
By Courtney having her husband wrap a gift for his mother, which he's more than capable of doing considering he has full use of his arms, hands, and fingers, she's also setting the precedent that she will not be the default person for any and every household task, whether it's menial or not.
And in the end, her husband wrapped the gift himself, even if he was huffin' and puffin' about it.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.