Woman Plans Epic Birthday Party For Her Boyfriend Who Nearly Lost His Life, But All 20 Of His Friends RSVP No
Spending time with friends gets more difficult as we get older.
dikushin / Canva Pro We talk all the time about the loneliness epidemic that is gripping America and how it seems to be becoming harder and harder to maintain friendships in adulthood.
One TikToker's story about her boyfriend's birthday has struck many as illustrative of these problems, and how uphill a climb it is even in the best of circumstances.
The woman planned an epic birthday party for her boyfriend's 30th, but all his friends RSVP'd 'no.'
It's no longer news that America, and much of the world at large, is gripped by a loneliness epidemic so profound that even the federal government is taking steps to address it. And amid the body of research on the topic has emerged another startling trend: that men seem to be disproportionately affected by it.
For many online, TikToker Danielle Vizcarra's recent experience planning her boyfriend's birthday stood out as a prime example of this problem.
She said all her boyfriend's friends RVSP'd 'no' even though it's his 30th birthday and he nearly died in an accident a few years ago.
Since it was her boyfriend's big 3-0, she went all out, joining forces with her boyfriend's parents to rent out a property with pickleball courts, catered tacos, "everything he loves," as she put it, in a since-deleted post. "It's gonna be so nice, and he's gonna love it."
The stakes were extra high because her boyfriend survived a harrowing accident in 2019 that left him an amputee and very nearly took his life after he was hit head-on by a car driving on the wrong side of the road when he was on his motorcycle.
Because of his story and his remarkable recovery, his girlfriend was going all out to mark his 30th, even doing a daily countdown of small gifts and activities leading up to his big day and the party she was planning for the ultimate celebration.
But there was just one problem. "None of his friends are coming," she said in her video. "I invited about 20 of them, and none of them can make it." Calling the situation "heartbreaking," she admitted she doesn't "have the heart to tell him" that no one can come to his birthday. "I feel like it's my fault. I feel like I let him down."
For many online, her boyfriend's birthday party stood out as an example of the loneliness epidemic and the difficulties men have forming deep friendships.
A 2021 survey of more than 2,000 found that only 59% of respondents have someone they consider a "best friend." But when it comes to men? The statistics were far more dire. 15% said they not only didn't have a best friend but had no friends at all, a fivefold uptick since 1990.
Loneliness trends were already moving in the wrong direction before the pandemic. The events of 2020, however, and everything after, accelerated and deepened the problems worldwide, especially for men, leading to the buzzphrase "the friendship recession."
Many online blamed this multifaceted problem for this man's friends not being willing to show up for him on his big day, especially after several men on Twitter claimed the woman just didn't understand how male friendship "works," as if it was totally normal to bail on a friend's birthday.
Photo: @caitiedelaney / X
Even more telling were the many men who didn't even find it plausible that her boyfriend would have 20 friends in the first place.
But others wondered if the real problem was that December birthdays get lost in the shuffle of the holidays.
"I’m guessing that, like most December birthdays, the guy is just getting the short end of the stick," one Twitter user wrote. "Everyone’s calendars are filled with Christmas parties and family obligations and trying to squeeze in a birthday party is low priority."
As a December baby myself, this was my first thought too when this came through my Twitter feed. My 40th aside, when my best friend told our friend group she'd bludgeon them all to death with a brick if they didn't show up to the party she planned, I haven't had a real birthday celebration since I was in elementary school.
It's not malicious on anyone's part. It's genuinely hard to even remember people have birthdays in December, let alone summon the energy and money to do anything about them! It's just part of the territory for the Sagittariuses and Capricorns among us.
Of course, the real story of this guy's birthday party probably lies somewhere in the middle. There's a bit of the friendship flakiness we've all noticed is on the rise nowadays and a bit of the taxing insanity of December that has monkey-wrenched this woman's plans.
Photo: Todor Tsvetkov / Canva Pro
But as many pointed out to her online, she shouldn't blame herself or feel like her boyfriend's birthday was ruined. Many in the comments offered to show up to the party themselves, and several suggested she could just make it a big family party instead. "Girl y’all go with family and have a freaking blast," one woman wrote. "Eat tacos on the pickleball court, he will LOVE it."
And that's exactly what they are doing.
There's a lesson here we can all learn about making more of an effort to show up for our friends.
But even if none of his friends actually show, one thing is for sure, after the effort she's put forth, there's no way he'll walk away from that party feeling unloved. And for a lot of people, especially us December babies, that's all the celebration they could ever need to have a perfect birthday.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.