Woman Calls Roommate ‘Disrespectful’ For Refusing To Wear A Bra When Her Boyfriend Is Around — ‘He’s Here 24/7’
It doesn’t seem fair to tell a woman how she should dress in her own home.
Anton Estrada | Canva Pro In 2024, women are growing tired of conforming to men’s standards, tailoring how they dress and present themselves in certain settings to avoid distracting men.
No one has the right to dictate what a woman chooses to wear, especially in the comfort of her own home. But what happens when another woman takes issue with it?
That's what happened to a woman on Reddit who said her roommate took issue with her not wearing a bra when her boyfriend was around.
A roommate took to Reddit asking if she was wrong for refusing to wear a bra in her own apartment.
In the AITA post, the 21-year-old explained she and her 22-year-old roommate have always been close, and they’ve lived together for about four years now. Six months ago, her roommate started dating one of their mutual friends, whom she called Mike, although she and Mike drifted apart after he and the roommate began dating.
JackF | Canva Pro
The young woman expressed how Mike essentially moved in once he and her roommate began their relationship, but he doesn’t pay rent or clean up after himself, which she feels is “super disrespectful.”
“I’ve always dressed veryyyy casual around my apartment,” she explained. “No bra, small tops, shorts, etc. because I like the freedom of wearing almost no clothes. I stopped wearing the small shorts when he came around, fine. But I refuse to wear a bra around my own place and I rarely even wear one in public (I’m blessed with an A cup).”
The woman felt taken aback after her roommate asked if she could start wearing a bra when her boyfriend was over. “He is here ALL THE TIME,” the woman wrote. “So I’d have to wear one all day and into the evening. No. I refused.”
The roommate called the woman disrespectful for refusing to “respect her boundaries,” claiming it’s wrong for women to dress inappropriately around other people’s boyfriends. However, what feels more inappropriate is the roommate’s attempt to control how her friend should dress in their home.
The woman stood her ground and argued that she could wear what she wanted in her home.
As an independent young woman paying rent in her own apartment, it doesn’t seem fair that she should sacrifice her comfort for her roommate’s rent-free boyfriend, especially considering how he doesn't seem to respect her space.
Reddit users agreed that she had every right to refuse such an unreasonable request and perhaps even report his unofficial move-in to their landlord.
“She’s bringing a man into your shared private space. Just because you both pay rent doesn’t mean it’s public space,” someone commented on the post.
“She didn’t even ask if he can all but live there, but she’s going to say you’re disrespecting her boundary by her trying to mandate a dress code in your home? She’s out of touch and out of line.”
The woman tried to disguise her unreasonable dress code request as a boundary, but it was not.
It’s understandable why the roommate may feel uncomfortable by her friend’s choice of clothing around her boyfriend, but it isn’t her place to make such a demand and then label it as a “boundary.”
The only boundaries that seem to be crossed in this situation are the woman’s.
“It's not a boundary for her to demand you dress in a certain way,” someone commented. “And if she wants to talk about disrespect, she needs to talk about how disrespectful her boyfriend is to the apartment.”
Reddit users pointed out that if the roommate truly has a problem with her friend’s freedom in the apartment they share, then she should maybe consider moving in with her boyfriend instead.
When it comes to boundaries, experts agree that it's important to distinguish between a boundary and controlling behavior. In this case, a boundary would be the roommate choosing to wear a bra around men because it makes her feel more comfortable. Controlling behavior would be the roommate telling the Reddit woman she should dress differently to make her feel more comfortable.
It's an important distinction.
Women should hold their boyfriends accountable for self-control rather than taking other women down.
Regardless of the obvious reasons why this roommate’s request to her friend was excessive and inconsiderate, it also highlighted an ongoing but outdated expectation society continues to place on women — dictating how a woman dresses for the sake of regulating a man’s temptations.
The truth is it's unfair for a woman to prioritize another man's comfort at the expense of her own. If women feel concerned about their boyfriends potentially getting distracted by other women’s clothing, they should hold their boyfriends accountable and encourage self-control, not blame the women for their autonomy to wear what they please.
As societal styles and standards evolve, many women have opted for a no-bra lifestyle for the sake of comfort and self-acceptance at home and in public. In today's generation, women are hoping to reduce the stigma and sexualization surrounding their breasts, and the best way to do that is through desensitization.
In the same way men fought for their right to display their nipples in the 1930s, women are following their own path to securing the freedom to display theirs, but this is challenging when other women continue to subject themselves to internalized misogyny.
Self-control is a skill that anyone can achieve. If men are allowed to flaunt their bare chests whenever they please, a woman can justifiably choose not to wear a bra without being scolded or targeted, especially in her own home.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.