Woman Attending Her First Wedding Resents That The Bride & Groom Asked For Money For Their Honeymoon Fund
The couple asked guests for money but weren't even offering a meal at the reception.
Edward Eyer / Pexels Wedding season is on its way, bringing along with it visions of brides in ethereal dresses, blossoming flower arrangements, and an array of questions from guests about proper etiquette.
A woman attending her first wedding resents the bride and groom asking for money for their honeymoon fund.
She wrote to the English parenting forum Mumsnet, wondering if the request for cash in lieu of gifts was socially acceptable.
She explained that she’s in her mid-20s and a friend with whom she went to school is getting married in the fall. The woman and her fiancé were invited to the evening festivities, which seemed to only include “cake and welcome drinks, then a cash bar.”
“In the envelope with the invitation, they have included a card asking people to contribute money towards their honeymoon rather than giving physical gifts,” she shared before outlining the root cause of her discontent.
Photo: Jonathon Borba / Pexels
“I resent this a bit when I'm paying for transport, accommodation, and a new outfit to fit the wedding's ‘theme,’ and not even getting an evening meal when I'm there,” she said. “It feels a bit cheap.”
She revealed that she’d already bought a wedding gift: A “really nice version” of a household item, handmade in the city she lives in, although she noted, “Now I don’t even want to give them that!”
“The whole thing reminds me of kids at school who'd invite the whole class to their birthday party to get more presents,” she said.
She went on to say that she and her fiancé are planning their own wedding, noting, “We’ve been careful to only invite the number of people we can afford to host properly, with plenty of food and booze.”
“We wouldn't dream of asking our friends to pay for our holiday!” she exclaimed.
Since the young woman hasn’t been to a wedding before, she’s unsure if having a honeymoon fund is normal.
The comments on her post were evenly divided. Some people shared the belief that asking for money toward a honeymoon was a gauche move, yet others proclaimed it was a normal occurrence at most weddings.
“Honeymoon contributions are normal gifts these days,” one person said. “Most people don’t need household items.”
Another person shared a practical explanation for why it’s common to ask for money, not gifts, saying, “People increasingly live together before they get married and have the useful household items already. Plus, young couples often don't have that much space for storing whatever things people get them.”
“Completely normal,” said someone else, then told the woman that she’d “gone to far too much trouble to attend the evening.”
They maintained that the future bride and groom’s set-up is “A perfectly acceptable way of including second-tier guests, but no one expects you to travel far, buy a themed outfit, or stay overnight!”
“Just don’t go,” they concluded.
Photo: Trung Nguyen / Pexels
Planning a wedding can be stressful, in part because the costs of hosting that one special day can be so expensive.
According to Zola, a wedding planning site, the most expensive part of a wedding is the venue, which can total an average cost starting at $6,500 and going up to $12,000. The next most costly items are catering, the wedding band or DJ, and the photographer.
For American couples, the average cost of a wedding in 2024 is about $33,000, an increase from the 2023 cost of $29,000.
Zola also revealed that over 80% of couples add a cash fund to their registry, highlighting how normalized asking for money has become.
One wedding planner, Meredith Bartel, shared her perspective on asking for money on a wedding registry, saying, “Ultimately, here’s the thing: Registries are just a suggestion for your guests. They are not mandated to stick to the registry.”
She believes that all a bride and groom can do is “graciously accept that gift for what it is, then after that exchange is over, you can do with that physical item as you see fit.”
A wedding is often seen as a way to launch a couple into the next phase of their lives together. Most newlyweds don't need a new blender. They need support from their community, and if they want that support in the form of cold, hard cash, guests should be open to giving it.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.