Wife Asks Her Husband To Quit His 'Dream Job' And Get A Better Paying One — 'I Feel Like I'm Carrying Him'
“This isn’t fair to me.”
Lipik Stock Media / Shutterstock After recently taking on additional expenses, a woman wondered if she was wrong to ask her husband to quit his low-paying “dream job” to contribute more to their bills.
The woman took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong to ask her husband to get a better-paying job.
In the AITA post, the woman explained she is 32, and her husband is 29. She said they live in an area with an “extremely high cost of living.”
“I work a job that pays decently well, which is kind of necessary to live where we do,” she wrote. “My husband worked a job for years that paid less than mine did but was okay overall, though he absolutely hated working there.”
In October of last year, she said her husband secured a job in his dream career field — something he spent years working towards.
“The big issue is the pay in his field is abysmal,” she worried. “He works as a freelancer (which is standard in his industry), so his job has zero benefits, and it's a pretty significant pay cut from his old job.”
She explained they don’t have combined finances, but due to his new job’s lower income, they needed to rearrange how they pay their bills.
“Previously, he had covered a slightly larger percentage of the expenses due to me having student loans to pay off while he didn't,” she added. “As it is now, I have to be the breadwinner since his income was basically halved, paying for a larger portion of the expenses.”
She said there didn't seem to be any indication that he might be receiving a pay increase in the near future, only adding to her anxiety.
“I sat him down recently and told him I felt he needed to quit his job and find a better-paying field because it just wasn't feasible,” she wrote. “He got upset … which I understand. But I just feel this isn't fair to me. I feel like I'm carrying him.”
The husband suggested compromising solutions that wouldn’t involve him letting go of his well-deserved position.
Desperate to maintain the job he worked hard to earn, he offered to take on a part-time job to make more money, he proposed moving to a more affordable area, and he even suggested getting extra help from his parents.
But the woman felt none of these options were viable, believing any side job would not provide much more money, refusing to move farther away from her job and family, and turning down any short-term assistance from his parents.
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“He's extremely upset, and I understand it because I know he worked hard to get here,” she reasoned. “It's not like we're struggling, which is true; we can pay rent and put food on the table, but I hate feeling like this.”
Sadly, she seems more concerned about her personal discomfort, even though they have no financial concerns. Her behavior indicates a growing resentment for her husband, watching him finally work a role he enjoys despite its insufficient wages while she is confined to a “difficult job” that is covering the majority of their bills.
“I work long days at a rather difficult job, while he works from home doing something he did before as a hobby and only makes half as much money now,” she wrote. “He's upset because he said this is the only thing he's ever wanted to do career-wise, and giving it up now would mean he’d likely never be able to make it work.”
Financial compatibility is integral to the success of a marriage.
It's no secret that money matters can destroy a relationship, but it's mindboggling that with that common knowledge, many couples still don't make discussing finances a priority.
According to marriage.com, financial compatibility doesn't just predict the success of a relationship before marriage; it's something that needs to be discussed consistently. Finances and circumstances change and as the outlet noted, "compromise is at the soul of good financial planning."
So, maybe this wife is carrying the weight of their finances now, but who's to say that he can't turn his freelancing gig in his dream field into a lucrative career? This is where compromise comes in.
Since they aren't struggling, they should agree to a soft timeline for his new endeavor. Perhaps revisiting their financial goals and expectations after he commits to a year in his dream role.
Reddit users felt the woman was being selfish in her worries, which didn’t seem to reflect their reality.
Despite already having everything she desires and having the income to support her lifestyle, it seems odd that the woman wants her husband to quit his dream over her anxiety about taking on most of the bills, even though she can afford it.
“Lots of relationships have income disparities and make it work," one person wrote in the comments. "Personally, I would never sacrifice my dream job for a big house in an expensive area. Because what's the point of all the luxury if I'm miserable the majority of the time?”
“The whole point of a loving and supportive relationship is each other's happiness,” another person argued. “Maybe instead of trying to make him less happy, OP should try to look for an opportunity to increase her own happiness."
“I would get it if he weren't pulling his weight or wanted to keep up the expensive lifestyle despite the pay cut, but he seems incredibly willing to compromise!” the person added. “OP has things she doesn't want to budge on either, so why should her non-negotiables outweigh his?”
As someone who works on freelance projects in addition to two part-time jobs, I can certainly see how it’s possible to balance a freelance dream career with another better-paying role to account for insufficient funds, especially if kids are not in the picture.
The woman’s concerns are valid, but rather than projecting her resentment toward her husband and discouraging him from pursuing his passion, she should consider what other options are available so they can both be happy.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.