Why Men Who Cry Are Beautiful (As Written By A Man)
Men who show their emotions openly are a beautiful thing to behold.
Marjan_Apostolovic | Canva Men are societally discouraged from crying from a young age, and that's a problem. As a result of men chronically suppressing their emotions, we have a drastically higher rate of suicide.
Of course, there are other factors that lead to people taking their lives, but I see emotional suppression as the component that is the leading cause of a landslide.
Think of it like this: People seriously consider suicide as an option when their pain begins to exceed their coping resources. And what causes pain? The cumulation of stored negative emotions. And why do men frequently have fewer coping resources than women when it comes to sharing their emotions? Because being seen as emotional is thought of as less acceptable for men.
If men only knew how beautiful and healing it was when they cried, then that suppressed emotional energy wouldn't need to claim the lives that it does every year.
I've heard men boast about how they haven't cried in years, as if being emotionally constipated is somehow a badge of honor to brag about. Turning your back on your pain is easy, but it takes the ultimate courage to lean into your pain and feel your feelings.
In the short term, it's easy to pretend that your pain isn't there — to numb yourself with work, food, or other compulsive distractions. The harder path is to face your fear directly.
There are certain stress hormones that are only released through sweating and crying. So, sure, you can put on your workout gear and buy a gym pass to move your cortisol through your body, or you can slow down for a minute and have a good cry.
One of my favorite parables comes from the author John Bunyan, in his book The Pilgrim's Progress. In this book, the protagonist has a magical shield. This shield makes him entirely invincible as long as he goes towards his opponents directly. If he goes at them at an angle or he turns his back on them, then the shield loses all of its power and he is immediately made vulnerable.
The lesson: go towards your fears directly. If you face your challenges head-on, you will survive and grow stronger. If you attack your life's challenges half-heartedly, you will become disempowered.
Lean into your emotional processing. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to release your old pain. You are allowed to walk through the fires of alchemy in order to come out stronger on the other side.
You are not a robot. You are a soft-bodied, human animal. You are allowed to feel.
And the more you internalize the reality that your emotions are acceptable, necessary, and beautiful, the more you will attract people into your life who agree with you and treat your emotions with a similar sense of reverence.
And hey, I know it isn't easy to overcome decades of counter-conditioning and emotional suppression, but the world needs you in all of your emotionally expressed glory.
Wear your tears like badges of honor. You've earned them.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
Jordan Gray is a five-time #1 Amazon best-selling author, public speaker, and relationship coach with more than a decade of practice behind him. His work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, The Huffington Post, and more.