4 Reasons Why Good Things Happen When You Least Expect Them To, According To Psychology
Have a little faith.
panophotograph | Shutterstock Ever hear the saying, "Good things happen when you least expect them to"? It seems like nothing happens how you want it to when you wait expectantly, but when you let life play itself out, good things happen by themselves — probably because you aren't anxiously waiting for them to happen.
Water only seems to boil when you stop watching and waiting for it to happen. Ironically, it's the kind of advice you get whenever you want it the least. Why does this saying seem to sing true, proving your mother correct (ugh) and your efforts futile? Well, it often has something to do with the art of distraction and our human need for breaks.
Here are four reasons why good things happen when you least expect them to:
1. You need a break to see the bigger picture
You can think more clearly when you are engaged in another activity or taking time to rest — focused on something besides your goal. In a groundbreaking 2012 study, Mary Helen Immordino-Yang and her colleagues at USC and MIT explained, “Rest is indeed not idleness, nor is it a wasted opportunity for productivity.” It's an essential part of learning and cognitive function. Also, it helps lower stress levels, which, if not well-maintained, can lead to serious health consequences.
Remember those moments when you solved a challenging math problem in your head while doing the dishes? Or when you figured out how to end your novel on your walk with your dog? Yeah, it’s like that.
2. You need to stop worrying about "settling"
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According to a 2014 study by the University of Toronto, researchers discovered that most people who settle for so-so relationships do so not because they are logical or rational but because they fear being single—they "settle" out of desperation.
When you let fear and worry dictate your life, you distract yourself from other activities, goals, and opportunities. Demonstrating a desperate need for something can make you settle for something you don’t want – something that isn’t right for you. However, embracing the unexpected moments, like the ones in which you suddenly realize how to resolve a situation that has been stewing in your mind forever, can bring you tremendous joy.
3. You need to give up control
Only when you relinquish control over a situation, do you get what you want out of it. 2018 research published on Psych Central suggests that the need to always be in control often stems from a combination of factors, including anxiety, low self-esteem, past traumatic experiences, a desire to feel safe, and a fear of uncertainty. That feeling of control over outcomes can even mitigate the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
If you’re anything like me, then you hate hearing that; occasionally, trying is the very thing that sabotages your chances of succeeding. Though, is that really what that adage is saying? Let’s break it down into a more productive form of advice for people waiting for something to happen because, after some consideration, I think it can be great advice as long as it's not misunderstood.
4. You need to live in the moment
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Even though it’s mostly true, the saying doesn’t want you to give up. Instead, it wants you to live in the moment rather than for the future. Kelli Fisher, a life and relationship coach also discussed this concept, stating that allowing yourself to do what makes you happy and healthy can lead you to find great things, especially a significant other.
So, don’t stress about your future career path, when you’ll find someone you love, or whether your life will work out in the end — at least, try not to. Remember that when someone tells you it’ll happen when you least expect it, you can be confident that you can follow that saying without sacrificing your core values.
Meaghan Summers is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, and relationship topics.