What Happens When You Drink An Entire Bottle Of Marijuana Lube
Hint: Nothing good.
Getty Images Mira Gonzalez is a poet and a writer.
Her critically acclaimed book I will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together helped establish her as a cool girl poet, and her work is known for its brutal honesty and is described as being weirdly compelling.
I'm saying that Mira Gonzalez isn't afraid to go there, and her story is no different.
While I know that many lubes aren't only edible, but are also delicious, I don't think it's ever occurred to me to drink some on their own, nor would I think to drink the entire bottle of marijuana lubricant.
But Gonzalez has done it and lived to tell the tale.
She starts by explaining how she got her first yeast infection shortly after getting her period for the first time, and how she was too young (age 11) to fully understand what was happening to her.
Unfortunately, that first yeast infection was only the beginning; she regularly (at least once a month) gets yeast infections.
When Gonzalez started becoming sexually active at age 15, she discovered that almost everything you could put in a vagina, such as latex condoms and store-bought lubricants, caused her to have a yeast infection, which increased the frequency of the yeast infections.
Constant yeast infections are a very challenging thing to deal with.
When she heard about Foria, an all-natural oil-based marijuana lubricant, she thought she'd been saved in a way.
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Foria also has a popular new product: a weed suppository.
The lubricant combined three of her favorite things: weed, sex, and coconut oil, which she could enjoy without getting yeasty. She couldn't have been happier and more excited.
Hoping to get stoned via her vagina, she slathered the lube over the entire vaginal area, but only got a euphoric relaxing sensation.
Disappointed that she hadn't gotten high, she drank the lube.
While it seems as if she went from zero to one hundred when you're someone who feels things deeply you want every experience to be intense.
She hadn't gotten high from applying the lube, so drinking was the obvious next step.
"When I bought the bottle of Foria at my local dispensary, the 'budtender' mentioned that she also purchased a bottle and then quickly realized that she had spent $80 on a bottle of lube, but didn't have anyone to have sex with.
She told me that she'd experimented with spraying it in her mouth and realized that it does, in fact, get you high. Hearing this was a huge comfort for me. Even if I didn't like it as a lubricant, at the very least I could spray some in my mouth and catch a buzz, right?" Gonzales explains of her lube-drinking rationale.
Gonzalez goes on to explain how, when it comes to edibles, she usually eats two or three times more than what the budtender recommends, and gets rather pissed off when people assume she can't handle her drugs.
But she failed to realize that a weed cookie or a pot brownie is very different than marijuana lube.
"A bottle of Foria has 450mg of THC in it. I didn't know this," Gonzalez said. "A suggested dose for most edibles is about 25mg and that is already a lot... Well, I drank the entire bottle. All 450mg of THC down my idiotic gullet."
What she hadn't known was that THC is absorbed differently through the vagina than through your digestive system, and the result was that she was high for three straight days.
Luckily, her boyfriend was there to take care of her.
And when she woke up crying about how badly she didn't want to go to Disneyland, even though there were no plans to go to Disneyland that day or ever, he calmed her down, made sure she was comfortable in bed with a bag of salt and vinegar chips, and Gilmore Girls on TV.
Gonzalez says, "The next few days were a blur of snacking and crying. There were 10 text threads on my phone that I don't remember typing and mysterious empty bags of Cheetos thrown about my apartment."
She doesn't recommend drinking a full bottle of any kind of lube but thinks that a few sprays of weed lube in your mouth could lead to a pleasant high.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, and Woman's Day. Visit her website or her Instagram.