5 Ways Even The Unhappiest People Can Retrain Their Brain To Feel Confident & Optimistic, According To A Neuroplastician
Neuroplasticity gives us so much more control over our brains than we realize.
Rido | Shutterstock Neuroplasticity is the neuroscientific term for the brain's remarkable ability to change, rewire, and restructure itself over the course of our lives. This ability is highest in babies and children during those rapid years of growth and development, but it never goes away. Science has repeatedly shown that we can actually direct and control it simply by managing our thoughts.
So how do you make these changes? That's where therapists, neuroscientists, and people like certified neuroplasticity practitioner Jennifer Furse, who teaches courses on these practices, come in. "Happiness, confidence, and optimism aren't just personality traits," Furse said in a TikTok video. "They're patterns your brain can be trained into." She shared five concepts she has found to be life-changing because of the shifts they help people make in the relationship between thoughts and reality.
A neuroplastician shared five ways to retrain your brain and shift the path of your life:
1. Talk to yourself like someone you respect
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"Your brain believes whatever you repeatedly tell it," Furse said — like my therapist said, quantity over quality. "If you constantly think 'I'm not good enough' or 'things will never work out for me,' your brain will filter the world to prove you right." So you take every bad thing that happens as confirmation and regard every positive thing or opportunity with suspicion and self-sabotage.
Furse suggested you instead "speak to yourself like someone you deeply respect" — even if it doesn't feel true, because it won't at first. But the key to neuroplasticity is repetition. In my case, my therapist told me to spend time every single day repeating these new truths out loud to myself.
"Your brain listens to you," Furse explained, and in time, it will create a new neural pathway based on that respect you're showing yourself.
2. Replace bad habits with good ones
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"Willpower fades because it relies on constant effort," Furse said, "but your brain is designed for efficiency."
I used to have a therapist who put it this way: "Brains work on quantity, not quality," meaning that repetition, and not whether thoughts are positive or negative, is the key to our mental states.
Furse explained that we don't struggle with things like self-doubt or bad habits because we're weak, but rather "because your brain has been running the same neural loop on repeat," in some cases for our entire lives.
The fix? "You have to override it with a stronger one," Furse said. "Every time you redirect your focus and reinforce a new response, your brain weakens the old wiring and strengthens the new."
3. Trust yourself enough to take action
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We often confuse confidence as being the absence of fear, but Furse said this is a misnomer. It's simply about "training your brain to trust that you'll figure things out." And this means being proactive — even when it's uncomfortable.
"Take action before you feel ready," Furse said. "Your brain adapts to the level of certainty you give it." And take it from one who's only just getting around to the things he wants at 46: If you're waiting for the moment you feel "ready," you'll be waiting forever — because it is your brain's literal job to keep you safe by maintaining the status quo!
4. Listen to your emotions
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"Most people try to suppress or ignore negative emotions," Furse explained, "but emotions aren't meant to be silenced — they're data telling you when something needs attention."
Rather than pushing an emotion away, Furse said to "ask what this is trying to tell me." A therapist I've worked with suggests a protocol in which you identify what you're feeling, assure yourself it's a "normal" way to feel, and then offer your brain a counterpoint that is true.
For example, it's "normal" to feel frightened before a job interview, but what's true is that you're qualified, prepared, and deserving of being considered, and if you don't get the job, you have a support system that will help you to continue navigating the search for work. "The moment you decode [the emotion], you take back control," Furse said, and this, in turn, tells your brain that you're safe and shifts the way you show up in life.
5. Embrace change
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The idea that you're "stuck" is ultimately not true — even if it feels like it is. Neuroscientists say that our brains are literally changing all the time, from the day we're born until the day we die.
Or as Furse put it, "you are not the same person you were a year ago, because your brain isn't either. The only question is: Are you shaping it intentionally or letting old patterns decide who you become?"
We have so much more agency over our brains than most of us are ever taught. We're not at the mercy of our pasts and our thoughts, and while we can't change what's happened to us, we can change how we tell our brains to think about it. Seizing that opportunity gives us power that can quite literally be life-changing.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
