3 Ways The Healthiest People Handle Their Insecurities
We all get insecure and jealous at times. It's what you do with those feelings that matters.
antoniodiaz / Shutterstock Feeling insecure lately in your relationship? You're not alone — we've all had those moments. But learning to control your insecurity is essential to maintaining healthy relationships with yourself and others. But how do we do this?
Licensed therapist Jeff Guenther lays out three healthy ways you can handle those inevitable moments when you feel jealous or insecure in your relationship.
Three Healthy Ways To Handle Jealousy And Insecurity
1. Stop shaming yourself.
We're all going to feel jealous and insecure at times. But you know what, that's completely normal.
However, when we shame ourselves for feeling this way, we're not learning to work with ourselves and our issues.
As well as, "Feeling jealous and then heaping shame on top of it is just bad business," says Guenther.
So, what should we do instead? Try showing yourself grace, kindness, and compassion. Understand your emotions and how they're just a normal part of being human.
Struggle with being kind to yourself? "Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend," says Guenther.
How would you respond if your best friend was feeling insecure? Likely, you would hype your best friend up. You would tell them how special and amazing they truly are.
And just like you would talk to your best friend, that's exactly how you should be talking to yourself.
2. Talk about it with your partner.
When you're feeling unsure, talk to your partner. And I understand, for many, this can be hard. Growing up, a lot of us were taught that expressing ourselves was cringeworthy or a sign of weakness.
But if you want to create a healthy relationship built off honesty, respect, and security, learning to communicate is key.
Guenther says, "It's a sweet and honest way to connect and allows your babe to validate your feelings and give you reassurance."
Just make sure that when you sit down to talk, you're focusing on your own feelings. Never accuse your partner of anything.
Be sure to use "I" statements when explaining your feelings. Say, "I feel jealous babe. Can you comfort me?" And never say, "You're making me feel jealous, you need to comfort me."
3. Get curious about where it comes from.
Sometimes, insecurity can stem from past relationships. And knowing where your jealousy and insecurity come from can help you manage it better.
Guenther advises us to, "Practice tolerating the uncomfortable feeling when it pops up."
When you feel insecure learn to spot that feeling right away. Once you notice it, acknowledge that insecurity, but don't let it consume you.
Instead, focus on the physical way it makes you feel. And ask yourself, "What is my insecurity trying to accomplish?"
Remember to take deep breaths and relax into your insecurity. If needed, take a walk to clear your mind.
Dealing with insecurity, especially in relationships, is hard work. And insecurity tends to sneak up on us and mess with our relationships.
But using these tips can help you get a handle on your insecurity. Don't get me wrong, it'll take some work, and you might slip up now and then.
But if you keep at it, you'll eventually get to a point where insecurity doesn't rule your life.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.