11 Ways Good People Block Their Own Blessings Without Even Knowing It
You're the only person in control of the happiness and blessings in your life.
Yuricazac / Shutterstuck Many people struggle to reconcile the harsh reality that they’re the only ones in control of their own future, life, and happiness, even given unexpected life changes and unpredictable stress. As mindfulness expert Robert Puff, Ph.D., suggests, we can only control ourselves and alter our reactions to challenges to better reflect the kind of person we want to be. Unfortunately, there are many ways good people block their own blessings on a regular basis without even knowing they're doing it.
Everything we do is a choice — from our careers to our wellness routines and the relationships we choose to focus on. If we’re not careful, it’s possible to adopt behaviors and lifestyle choices that subtly undermine our happiness and well-being. Recognizing less than helpful habits and thought patterns can empower you to live a more intentional and fulfilling life.
Here are 11 ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it
1. Latching onto their own ego or pride
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While the term “ego” generally holds a negative connotation — think: “egotistical” or “ego death” — it’s more accurately described as a bridge between our desires, reality, and moral values, according to clinical psychologist Urvashi Jain. While a fully functioning ego celebrates adaptability, challenge, and emotional stability, an underdeveloped one tends to spark anxious thoughts and fear.
Many of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it is letting their underdeveloped or insecure ego take over — seeking comfort and a misguided need for stability (aka stagnancy) over challenges that provide opportunities for growth.
Adopting a more self-aware, intuitive, and emotionally grounded mindset starts with accepting that your ego shouldn’t drive 100% of your decisions. Your comfort zone is meant to be crossed, your challenges meant to be conquered, and your personal growth meant to be indulged by overcoming the desire for comfort your ego seeks.
2. Letting their inner critic shine
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According to life coach D. Ivan Young, a person’s harsh inner critic can manifest in a number of ways — from planting seeds of self-doubt to seeking out toxic relationships and overlooking emotional needs in the face of low self-esteem. Everyone deals with this nagging inner voice from time-to-time, and it’s impossible to get rid of it completely, especially in the face of societal expectations, trauma, and unexpected life changes, but the people best at mediating it are also the most successful and blessed.
One of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it is letting their inner critic roam unrestricted — urging them to sidestep opportunities for growth, speak negatively about themselves at the expense of their confidence, and feed into toxic relationships that set them back from their goals and happiness.
Young suggests that taming your inner critic is mostly about acknowledging where its negative thoughts come from. Once you acknowledge the root cause of your insecurity or emotional distress — whether it’s trauma, a bad relationship, or something entirely different — it’s possible to rewire your brain towards a more positive mentality.
3. Hiding in negativity
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Hiding in a negative mindset and letting negative thoughts is one of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it. According to experts from Northeast Georgia Physicians Group, negative thinking not only adversely affects a person’s mental health, sparking anxiety and depressive symptoms, it also harms your physical health, sabotaging immune system functions, sparking digestive issues, and causing fatigue.
When you’re battling illness, brain fog, and low self-esteem — all consequences of a hyper-negative mindset — you have less capacity for personal growth. You’re not only less willing to try new things and harbor an optimistic mindset about the future, you feed into negative thoughts that have the power to sabotage your general mood on a daily basis.
Of course, changing this negative mindset doesn’t require hours speaking positive affirmations into the mirror or being overly optimistic all the time. Life happens. It’s simply about recognizing when you immediately spiral into negativity and simultaneously adopting a more positive train of thought.
4. Holding grudges
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According to a Harvard study co-authored by Tyler VanderWeele, holding grudges can genuinely sabotage a person’s long-term emotional and physical health. While it might feel overwhelming or anxiety-inducing to consider, forgiveness is almost always the better option when it comes to moving forward and prioritizing yourself, despite being more difficult, especially the larger the offense.
Forgiving other people and letting go of grudges doesn’t mean you have to condone a person’s misbehavior or trauma. “Forgiveness acknowledges the wrong and helps you be free from it,” Vanderweele suggests. “It frees you from the offender as well. When appropriate, forgiveness can lead to restored relationships, bringing happiness, satisfaction, and social support — which evidence also links to better health.”
It’s possible to experience the better health outcomes associated with forgiveness while still pursuing justice. Just because you’re choosing to let go of a grudge doesn’t mean you’re forced to reconcile. It’s simply an act of self-advocacy that encourages you to look inward, prioritize your wellbeing, and move forward.
5. Talking poorly to others about themselves
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According to a 2019 study, positive self-talk is correlated with greater rates of success, not just in tangible and physical environments like sports performance, but also from an emotional and mental health perspective. When you tell yourself and others that you're capable of achieving something, you’re much more likely to actually achieve that thing than if you do the opposite.
Especially in social settings, speaking negatively about themselves is one of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it. It may feel like second nature to rely on negative self-talk and deprecating humor to converse with others, but it only sparks more detachment and stress than connection.
By speaking fondly of yourself, your talents, and your character, you encourage others to believe those things — helping you to cultivate better relationships with yourself and others.
6. Seeking happiness from others
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Insecurity, low self-esteem, and external validation often go hand-in-hand, sabotaging people’s ability to be fully present and confident with themselves without relying on others to feed their ego or validate their accomplishments.
From setting a boundary in a relationship, to sharing their success with peers, and even picking out an outfit, one of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it is prioritizing outward opinions and beliefs over their own. A 2016 study on external validation suggests that many people with a high need for approval let other people completely dictate their self-esteem, blocking their ability to self-improve, boost positive emotions, and find comfort.
Ironically, finding ways to internally validate yourself is almost always consistent with more external praise and validation, according to clinical social worker Andrea Rosenhaft, as people are generally drawn to people with a confident aura and sense of security.
7. Numbing emotions, rather than experiencing them
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While it’s not uncommon for many people going through traumatic events or emotional overwhelm to occasionally experience emotional numbness — their brain’s natural way of immediately coping with a flood of complex and uncomfortable emotions — a reliance on this avoidant mentality can spark more harm than good, according to experts from UnityPoint Health.
By relying on vices or actively suppressing and avoiding their own emotions, good people block their own blessings and opportunities for self-improvement. They’re not only setting themselves up to be more emotionally unstable, with a slew of complex emotions bubbling beneath the surface, waiting for an outburst — they’re sabotaging chances to build confidence and self-awareness.
Without emotional regulation skills and coping mechanisms, life isn’t just harder. The joys of it — from building relationships to finding a stable sense of self-esteem — are quickly destroyed.
8. Refusing to ask for help
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Stanford researcher Xuan Zhao argues that asking for help or advice doesn't just encourage people to perceive you as more confident and intelligent, it also acts as a means for bonding and connection. Whether it’s in the workplace, in relationships, or in their personal lives, refusing to ask for help under a misguided belief of hyper-independence is one of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it.
Of course, you can gain knowledge and support by asking for help, but you also open up the opportunity to build a new connection or relationship with the person you’re conversing with.
9. They avoid discomfort
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While many good people seek out comfortable lifestyles and a sense of comfort in their routine, shaping your life around your comfort zone is a recipe for stagnancy. Personal growth and experience lies in the uncomfortable unknown — trying things you’ve never done, talking to strangers, and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations that urge you to grow.
Refusing to step outside of their comfort zone is one of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it — living their lives focused on mediating anxiety, rather than seeking out challenges.
10. Trying to manifest things outside their control
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While manifestation is a powerful tool for shaping your life, when done without tailored intentions, it can be one of the ways good people block their own blessings without even knowing it. By focusing their manifesting techniques on things completely out of their control — like breaking up a relationship, trying to change someone else’s attitude, or sometimes manifesting tangible items — they set themselves up for disappointment and exhaustion.
You can’t control every aspect of your life, like unexpected challenges or other people’s actions, but you do have the power to manifest a better personal response or mindset to navigate these uncontrollable experiences. Never seek happiness from the things you can’t control. It only encourages you to seek external validation and comfort to the detriment of your own growth.
11. Masking parts of their identity
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By masking parts of their identity — referred to as the “shadow self” by psychoanalyst Carl Jung — people sabotage their own happiness and the genuinity of their connections. Whether they believed negative judgments about stigmatized parts of their identity or learned to dislike pieces of their personality, trauma, or resentments by themselves, hiding parts of your true self, rather than acknowledging and healing them, is a recipe for unhappiness.
Living your most genuine life and cultivating the healthiest connections starts with getting to know yourself on every level and coming to terms with the uncomfortable pieces of your identity that you’ve actively avoided.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.