11 Ways To Detect If You're Intimidating Someone By Being Too Aware
True confidence is a practice that some people can't help but feel uncomfortable around.
EugeneEdge | Shutterstock While self-awareness is generally an envied trait, it can also be intimidating for someone who isn't as emotionally regulated or secure in their own identity. Of course, everyone is on their own journey towards growth — someone's lack of self-awareness or discomfort isn't a reason to cut them out of your life, but the ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware can help you to better support them and yourself.
With the right boundaries, words of encouragement, and confidence around these people, you have two options that work with your best interest in mind. The first: set boundaries that encourage them to grow and embrace the discomfort of self-awareness and challenge. The second: remind them of the kind of energy you expect from relationships, and if they let their intimidation sabotage their treatment of you, it may be time to reconsider their presence in your life.
Here are the 11 ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware
1. You notice their patterns
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Self-aware people aren't just capable of noticing their own patterns of behavior, both good and bad; they're also cognizant of the ways other people consistently act in conversations and interactions. Uncomfortable for someone who may act dismissively towards you, this ability to detect patterns is one of the ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware.
By noticing and simultaneously directing focus to their manipulative tendencies, unhealthy behaviors, or dismissive and invalidating language, insecure and less self-aware people may feel intimidated in conversations, as they struggle to keep up a facade or crafted image.
2. They avoid your challenges of status quo
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Even in professional spaces like the workplace, self-aware workers have a tendency to challenge rigid social structures and regulations, encouraging others to look at issues from a unique perspective. With a confidence and understanding of their own beliefs and values, they can look at complex problems from a refreshingly different angle, allowing them to comfortably question the status quo.
However, people who thrive within the rigidity of the status quo or find stagnant comfort in confining societal expectations may push back against a self-aware person's questioning mentality, diverting conversations away from their discomfort or dismissing their thoughts.
Especially if their misguided power over a conversation or identity is ingrained in the status quo, a self-aware person's challenge against it may feel disillusioning — like a direct attack on their own beliefs, despite being productive for conversations and deep connections.
3. They respond negatively to uncomfortable questions
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Considering discomfort often sparks embarrassment or anxiety in people who don't get out of their comfort zone or challenge themselves to think from different perspectives, self-awareness can feel intimidating. Especially when they're prompted towards introspection — the awareness many insecure people try to shy away from — with taboo or reflective questions, they can turn irritable or dismissive.
While it's possible to grow better relationships and into more productive interactions with people who were initially intimidated by your self-awareness, if they show no initiative to change or evolve, they're probably causing more harm than good in your life.
Like experts from the Harvard Business Review suggest, working or engaging with someone who's unaware can cause more stress and negatively harm productivity and motivation, especially in traditional professional spaces like the workplace.
4. They seem hesitant around you
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While it's generally overlooked in passing interactions by people without emotional intelligence or social awareness, someone's energy around you can be one of the ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware.
If they don't feel comfortable engaging with you or actively listening when you're speaking, they're not just dismissing and invalidating your space in a conversation, they're illuminating their insecurity and discomfort with someone who can pick up on their patterns or call out their unhealthy manipulative tactics in social situations.
This behavior can take a variety of forms, from being hesitant to accept feedback, to being generally unempathetic, or embodying unhealthy body language tendencies in conversation like turning away from a speaker or failing to make eye contact.
5. They act defensively around you
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Like licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers, PsyD argues about people with narcissistic tendencies, many individuals who are more innately competitive and defensive around others are usually compensating for their own internal struggles and insecurities.
Not only do they feel drawn to "prove" themselves and reassert a misguided sense of control or power over social situations, they don't mind using tactics like blame-shifting or condescension to do it at the expense of those around them.
If you notice these tendencies or behaviors in someone when you're around, especially if they're directed toward you, that could be one of the ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware.
Not only do they feel like they need to overpower or bring you down to make themselves feel more comfortable, they view you as a threat. And it's often because you embody traits or behaviors that make them feel insecure about their own confidence.
6. They have disengaged body language
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While words and verbal cues are essential in healthy conversations, a person's body language and nonverbal behaviors can say a lot about a person in social situations.
Like executive coach Carol Kinsey Goman, PhD argues, there's a number of body language behaviors that convey disinterest and disengagement from someone that may be intimidated by you in a conversation. From avoiding eye contact, to turning their body away from you, to indulging distractions like a cellphone while you're speaking, someone who's intimidated may not open themselves up to true healthy communication over fears of their own insecurities showing.
Coupled with interruptions or dismissive language, these body language signals can be some of the ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware of their presence, behaviors, and image.
7. They apologize often around you
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Insecure people who seek validation and gratification from others often have a tendency to over-apologize in social situations, especially towards someone they perceive to be more powerful or self-aware than them.
Although they might be intimidated by your presence, especially if you're confident and self-aware, they're also innately drawn to seeking your praise and approval, encouraging them to sabotage and set aside their own principals and beliefs to feel accepted.
While it might be occasionally frustrating, especially in an existing relationship, someone who over-apologizes generally has a better threshold for connection, like a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests, as they convey more warmth and welcoming energy towards others, rather than the dismissive and invalidating presence some people assume when they feel intimidated.
8. They seem to brag more about themselves when you're around
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To overcompensate for their insecurity and to seek praise from someone they view as innately superior to them, people who are intimidated by your presence may be prone to bragging or speaking more about themselves in conversations.
Like professor of psychology at Brown University Joachim I. Krueger suggests, bragging as a form of self-promotion isn't always inherently toxic. But when it's exclusively used to gain admiration and acceptance from others, it can subtly poison healthy connections and social interactions.
Especially as a self-aware person who can recognize why someone might feel the need to "prove" themselves in conversation, these behaviors can be one of the easiest ways to detect you're intimidating someone by being too aware.
9. They don't ask you for help or advice
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Despite research, like a study from Management Science, that suggests people who are comfortable asking for help and advice from their peers are generally perceived to be more competent, many people let their insecurity take over when they're in the presence of someone they're intimidated by.
Especially if they're driven by the approval of others or a misguided assumption that asking for help makes them seem "weak," they may suffer in silence, rather than ask someone they're intimidated by for help.
10. They only focus on superficial things in conversations with you
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While vulnerability and emotional expression can be difficult for many people, a person's inability to open up or participate in deep conversations with you can be one of the ways to detect if you're intimidating someone by being too aware.
From trying to uphold a certain image of themselves to self-soothing in the face of discomfort, intimidated people may let their anxiety take over. It makes it difficult and sometimes overwhelming to let down their emotional walls with someone they greatly admire or are nervous around.
11. You tend to lead conversations with them
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When they're not talking about themselves or trying to uphold a perfectionist image to someone they're envious of, an intimidated person may rely on others to lead conversations. Especially with self-aware people, who are intuitive to the energy of conversations and generally more emotionally empathetic to those around them, it's more comfortable for everyone when they guide a conversation and make space for everyone to feel heard.
However, this energy, even for a self-aware person, can be overwhelming. They are expected to carry the burden of social acceptance and comfort around people who refuse to socially challenge themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.