5 Phrases That Can Magically Make People Respect You More
Clinical therapist Logan Cohen discusses the five "starter sentences" to help you be assertive.
Fizkes via Shutterstock | JMBee Studio for Canva Plenty of us avoid being too assertive for fear of coming off as mean or overly aggressive. This can be a particular problem for women and girls, who are taught our whole lives that assertive women are pushy or unattractive.
However, when push comes to shove being a bit assertive is necessary at times. So, how do we get there? Licensed therapist Logan Cohen discusses the five different ways you can become more assertive in your day-to-day life.
Here are 5 phrases that can magically make people respect you more
1. "That doesn't work for me"
First, and most importantly, Dr. Cohen advises that you to get clear on your limits.
"Take time to reflect on what you are and not willing to tolerate," begins Cohen. Look at what goes beyond your comfort zone and what overwhelms you.
Cohen advises writing these limits down and reflecting on them daily. This reflection will better help you understand where you want to invest your time, resources, and energy.
2. "I'm not comfortable with that"
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Dr. Cohen advises us to practice many different phrases so we feel comfortable saying them. You can practice with someone who knows you're trying to make an effort, and even role-play. Try starting with, "I'm not comfortable with that," as it is one of the more challenging phrases to use.
When we set boundaries we usually think about what boundaries we want to set. However, we seldom take the time to practice how we plan on setting those boundaries. He continues, "These [phrases] allow you to assert yourself by intentionally factoring in your needs rather than just going along with what seems to make everyone else feel better."
3. "I need time to think about this a little more"
Rehearse difficult conversations before you get into them. Role play with a trusted friend or family member so you're ready for a little push-back.
When becoming assertive there will come a time when someone will challenge your newfound confidence. They will question your actions and try to intimate you back into your old self.
This is why you need to rehearse before you engage in these conversations. Cohen explains, "This isn't 'being fake.' It helps you get clarity on your perspective and increases your confidence about your position moving forward."
When you're feeling overwhelmed or like someone is trying to step on you, simply say "I need time to think about this more" so that you don't agree to anything you don't feel is right for you.
4. "I see it differently, here's why..."
There will always be a time when you disagree with someone. Whether it's political matters or career choices, people won't always be on the same page as you.
During times like these, it's easy to get frustrated and become defensive. However, it's important to keep your composure and learn to disagree politely, as supported by the Journal of Pragmatics (2012).
Cohen explains, "Train yourself to express a different opinion with phrases like, 'I see it differently, and here's why...' Or, 'I understand your perspective...but here's where I'm coming from.'"
Learning to be polite while also standing up for yourself can not just benefit your personal relationships, but can also help in your profession and other areas of life.
5. "My needs matter just as much anyone else's"
While you can say a phrase like this out loud to someone else, this one is at its most powerful when used as an affirmation. Research on the effects of self-affirmations helps us see how using affirmations creates new ways of thinking and feeling. In this case, stating that your needs matter as much as other people's is a way to practice believing it, so you're more likely to stand up for yourself when the time comes.
Try to create a phrase you can rely on to boost your assertiveness when you're feeling unsure or lacking confidence.
Looking for other affirmations that might help you boost your assertiveness? Mather Hospital also suggests saying:
- I am a valuable human being.
- I value myself as a person.
- I deserve to relax.
- I deserve to be happy.
Regardless of what you choose to affirm your worth, you deserve as much emotional safety, security and input as anyone else. Practicing these phrases is the first step toward reminding yourself of this fact!
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.