Vulnerability Is Hard — But It's Worth It
Tackle vulnerability head-on.
Tamara Velazquez / capturenow via Canva By Larissa Martin
Vulnerability is something that I have always struggled with, especially when it comes to close friendships.
My childhood left me with abandonment issues that created difficulties in my friendships. I struggle with being vulnerable and worry I sometimes overshare. I’m scared that I’ll lose those friends I already have.
For many years, whenever I started a friendship, I had two major patterns; first, I would trauma dump, and then, I would buy gifts for them in hopes of keeping them in my life. And I did this for far too long.
Now I have best friends I can be vulnerable with, but it took years for me to reach this point.
Sometimes, I still struggle with this and need help. I have to remind myself not everyone will leave and that they love me.
I now know that true friends will stay in my life. They will not leave when things get tough or leave without explanation. Even if people do leave, I will always have those people who will stay.
It’s not your fault if someone doesn’t last. Please don’t blame yourself like I did for years; know that you deserve better and will find those people in your life.
As I’ve grown, I found power in vulnerability. It cannot only save friendships but also strengthen them. Vulnerability shows your friends that you trust them, which is core to any strong relationship.
Vulnerability often makes us find a line between knowing what we are willing to share and what others feel comfortable listening to. Because of this, we naturally hesitate when we head into any new relationship.
Yet, showing vulnerability can open the doors to better communication and a stronger bond.
When you’re ready to tackle vulnerability head-on, know it will benefit and strengthen your relationship. Opening up to others is a beautiful thing that can heal, help current relationships, and build new ones.
I believe that many people with abandonment issues find the whole process of being vulnerable terrifying because if they open up and get close to someone, there’s a possibility that they can leave, and that is the last thing we want to experience because it’s happened too many times, and it hurts like hell. It is your normal; you expect it.
When you finally feel okay enough to be truly vulnerable, you will find yourself and your people and realize that being vulnerable doesn’t only strengthen friendships. But furthermore, it heals a part of you that has needed it for a long time.
Who in your life has earned the privilege of hearing your own story? Are you opening up to the wrong people who leave and not showing vulnerability to those right people who choose to stay in your life something to think about the next time you decide to open up to someone?
Larissa Martin is a writer and self-published author whose work covers love, lifestyle, and pop culture topics. She has had bylines featured on MSN, Yahoo Lifestyle, Thrive Global, Thought Catalog, Project Wednesday, The Minds Journal, and The Mighty.