The Unfortunate Curse Of Being Considerate In The Time Of Text Messaging

In the summer of 1987, my best friend from high school went back to visit her hometown of then Yugoslavia. I missed her immensely.

I scribbled my feelings on stationery paper, in cursive and all.

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I picked out the purple hydrangea from our garden and inserted them into the envelope. 

I decorated the stationery with scratch-and-smell vanilla cupcake stickers. The last touch — applying my mom’s reddest lipstick and kissing the envelope.

I cycled to the post office, half an hour away from our house, licked the stamp, and away it flew.

Every evening, giddy with anticipation, I opened the mailbox, sifting through junk mail.

When the letter arrived, I ripped the envelope, glitter spilling, me giggling, feeling warm and fuzzy. I had waited days for a response, and I was going to soak in as much detail as I could before I wrote my reply. The whole process left me giddy with excitement.

Forward to 2022.

I message my friend on WhatsApp. No response for a day. Then:

My friend: “Hey. What’s up?”

Me: “Hey, just saying hi. How are you doing?”

…2 minutes later…

My friend: “Good. Busy at work, but good. You?”

Me: “Oh, you know, just being a mom, same old.”

…8 minutes later…

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My friend: “Good for you!”

Me: “How’s Thomas?”

…1 minute later…

My friend: “He’s good. Looking for a new job.”

Me: “What kinda job is he looking for?”

…Disappears

We’re all busy. I’m a mom to a 3-year-old boy, for god’s sake. I get it. One can’t expect a response to a message immediately, consistently, or with full attention — all the time. But I do like a text saying that you're going to be busy for a bit instead of waiting all day for a response.

I’m the unfortunate type who cares a whole lot about text messaging etiquette.

My husband doesn’t.

He couldn’t care less if his friends don’t respond or they leave mid-sentence.

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But…how about if that happened face-to-face? Of course, he minds, he says.

Back to me being that unfortunate type who considers text messaging like face-to-face meetings.

I find it super rude to just leave without explanation or to keep the person waiting on the other side mid-conversation.

Am I just an old ‘80s fart?

Perhaps.

Should I become less caring?

Perhaps.

Do I want to?

No.

I live with the unfortunate curse of being considerate in the time of text messaging.

Can y’all relate?

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June Kirri is a freelance journalist and personal essay writer who writes about culture, parenting, and mental health.