8 Unassuming Behaviors That Make People Lose Respect For You In Seconds
Your toxic behaviors influence how others perceive you.
voronaman | Shutterstock People-watching is like peering into a continually running documentary on human behavior. It's fascinating how simple behavior shifts can profoundly influence how others perceive us.
Taking an interest in this may seem superficial, but many struggle unnecessarily without at least a basic awareness of the signals we transmit. Because sometimes, the way we act can make others see us quite negatively.
Here are 8 unassuming behaviors that make people lose respect for you in seconds
1. Impatience
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People who are impatient not only drive themselves insane with their laser-focus on urgency, but they annoy the people around them as well. Impatience isn't a trait of a respectable person, as these individuals aren't in a hurry; if they are, something in their life is out of whack.
Hurrying in an emergency is more than okay, but if this is a normal behavior, it signals to others and yourself that you're out of control, and need to feel rushed or rush others to have some semblance of power.
You're far more efficient when you move at the speed of life. You're comfortable in being able to handle what life throws at you with a relaxed sense of ownership. That is a trait of a respectable person.
2. Interrupting
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People interrupting others while they speak seems to be increasing nowadays. It's an extremely frustrating behavior that is off-putting and can make people perceive you as disrespectful.
However, many people appear to tolerate this. The speaker might allow you to trample all over their comments, but deep down, they don't respect you for this. They may not say it out loud, but you can tell when someone doesn't approve of your behavior.
There are a range of body language cues that can help you curb this bad behavior. Pursed lips indicate annoyance and distaste; nostrils flaring and frowning are signs the person is irritated.
On the flip side, a person looking into your eyes during a conversation means they are paying attention, while breaking eye contact or looking away means that person is uncomfortable or hiding how they truly feel.
To prevent people from losing respect for you, let others finish their thought and be okay with some silence in a conversation. Cutting in demonstrates a lack of faith in our own words.
Why? Because we are continually compelled to prove ourselves, rather than relaxing and giving the other space, which is a trait seen in leaders.
3. Buckling on stance
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While there's nothing wrong with occasionally changing your mind and allowing your viewpoints to shift, people will lose respect for you in seconds if your opinions or decisions are quickly and repeatedly swayed by others.
Buckling on your stance should take more than just the views of others; rather, it requires some deep thinking and internal work, along with being given facts and a differing perspective. Changing your point of view has incredible benefits, including reducing negative emotions, counteracting your inherent biases, and giving the motivation to make positive changes.
If you're willing to admit you got something wrong and that a change of mind was warranted, that's respectable. But if you're quick to agree and nod along without pause, this signals weakness and a lack of faith in your views.
People are surprisingly accommodating to even the most controversial opinions or decisions when you state what you mean, don't apologize, and boldly commit to what you say. Just remember that there's nothing wrong about admitting you were incorrect, just be sure you don't do it so swiftly.
4. Arguing
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There's a difference between arguing and engaging in healthy debate on a topic. And involving yourself in arguments that have no purpose, other than the rouse anger from others, makes people lose respect for you.
Arguing reflects a need to prove oneself, with an approach that's combative and lacking in a willingness to listen to the opposing view. However, discussion or debate comes from a healthier state, demonstrating a clear interest and openness to the opposite view.
According to Jennifer A. Samp, Ph.D., a Professor of Communication Studies at the University of Georgia, there are benefits to arguing. "Conflict and arguments are often seen as negative and things to be avoided... Yet research suggests that the process of conflict and arguing facilitates talk and awareness of another's perspective."
So, yes, while arguments can help people see things from another point of view, arguments are also like two bulls locking horns — and respectable people know to avoid these. Stepping into the ring instantly lowers yourself because it's unconscious and undermines your peace. Discuss calmly, or keep quiet and don't argue.
5. Complaining
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While people may be interested in you sharing details about a potentially solvable problem, whining or complaining about it is incredibly off-putting, and will make people look at you in a less respectable way.
Judging something as an issue and raising awareness about it is not an unnecessary complaint. However, whining about something you can't change is, and it lowers another person's respect for you.
That's because, if something can't be changed, you bringing it up pollutes the vibe with a heaviness that could have been avoided. A famous 1996 Stanford study found that complaining for just 30 minutes can physically damage the brain. The researchers found "links between long-term stressful life experiences, long-term exposure to hormones produced during stress, and shrinking of the hippocampus."
Instead of complaining, lift others up. Give solutions, rather than whining about what's wrong with everything and why you can't change your circumstances.
6. Showing little interest in others
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There's a balance between being overly and forcefully interested in others, and not being a teacher's pet. But respect will fade if you're constantly talking about yourself while neglecting to ask others about themselves.
Not everyone wants to be the center of attention, but anyone can feel deflated with little interest in reconnecting if the conversation involves one person lacking interest in the other. Few people will complain about this, but it gets noticed.
True leaders are at least curious about those they are with — not because they are feigning niceness to be liked, but because they are genuinely intrigued by the topic. It's about developing consciousness about those around them. It's about learning.
It's always a win-win to be conscious of the other person in a conversation. Because if all others hear is only about you, it's an immediate conversation-killer.
7. Devaluing your time
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If you're quick to drop everything to help someone else, you might be doing so in order to please others. But that says something else about you, which makes people respect you a lot less.
Pleasing others is not the same as maintaining self-respect. This is a hard lesson for many to learn. We all grew up knowing the rewards of pleasing parents and teachers. Unfortunately, this doesn't apply in the adult world.
Pleasing others at the expense of your integrity and freedom is not empowering. According to James Madison University, "excessive people pleasing has the potential for numerous negative consequences. [A people-pleaser] may experience fear of rejection and disappointing others, have low self-esteem, difficulty making independent decisions, and difficulty setting healthy boundaries."
Instead, honor yourself first. If you do decide to help others, make sure you both gain in the process (i.e., you do it out of a genuine desire to help, not to impress).
8. Being a buzzkill
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Sometimes, people take things a little too seriously. But blocking yourself off from light-heartedness pushes people away, and makes them perceive you as someone unworthy of respect.
There are nuances to this, of course, and often, when the situation warrants it, being aggressive and assertive can be empowering and uplifting. But when we take things too seriously, we show that we can't be flexible.
According to an analytical study, researchers determined that "being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships." So, by being rigid and disapproving of others' choices or actions will change the way people see you.
The good news is that we all have the power to change our perspective to become more resourceful. And this is vital if you intend to inspire people around you.
Alex Mathers is a coach, writer, and illustrator whose work focuses on mental health, confidence, growing a business, and impactful writing. He has worked with the BBC, Wired Magazine, Medium, and Google, among others.