If You Have No Close Relationships With Women, You Probably Display These 10 Ugly Habits
These off-putting behaviors push women without you even realizing it.
stockfour | Shutterstock When a guy lets things go sour and isn't fulfilling his share in a relationship with a woman, a lot of women won't have a problem kicking him to the curb. Having faced the ugliness of the dating world, women know how to break up with a guy who is wasting her time.
Some men swear they just “don’t vibe with women” but let’s be honest, it’s not the women, it’s the ugly habits. From moodiness to deceit to selfishness disguised as self-care, these behaviors quietly push women away and leave certain guys wondering why their closest female connection is with their Alexa. Here are ugly habits that reveal more than just bad manners — they signal a deeper disconnect from meaningful relationships with women.
If you have no close relationships with women, you probably display these habits:
1. Moodiness
Guys hate to be poked and prodded to discuss their feelings. We get that. But shouldn't you feel lucky you have someone in your life who cares enough (and is attentive enough) to notice a change in your mood and ask what's up?
Rather than get testy with us, why not just tell us you're in a mood and would just prefer to sulk for a bit before opening up? Too touchy-feely for you? Then just say, "I'm OK. Don't worry. Thanks for asking."
The thing men should understand about women is we sense when something is off in a matter of seconds after you step through the door. If you don't want to be asked what's wrong, make a better attempt to hide whatever is bothering you. Don't sulk.
2. Selfishness
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Sometimes the intimacy between two people is just bad. Fumbling is cute the first time but after a few months? It's just awkward.
You need to ask if we like certain moves. Listen to us. Pay attention. If you mentally check out during intimacy and focus on yourself, you're missing all the cues we give you to let you know things are amiss or spectacular.
We feel awkward about telling you what works for us and what doesn't. We worry you'll think we've "been around" or we'll offend you. So you have to meet us halfway on this by paying closer attention and being connected with us in bed.
Listen to us if we say we don't like something. Don't tell yourself we'll eventually see the light and realize how amazing it is. If we tell you we didn't like it, we didn't like it.
3. Inability to communicate
Nothing aggravates me more than the one-word answers, grunts, or the slow droning of a conversation where you can tell he's distracted and not focused on what you're saying. OK, so you're not a phone person. That's fine. But do you have to be so obvious about it?
If you can't tear yourself away from a game or an article or something, don't answer the phone. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. Send it to voicemail then text us and say you'll call us when you're through doing whatever you're doing.
"It can be tough to share your thoughts and feelings with complete honesty, especially with your partner whom you want to make happy," advises life coach Lisa Lieberman-Wang, "But, telling the truth isn't just a behavior, it’s a complete way of living and being in your relationship. And, the importance of communication with your partner, can't be emphasized enough. "
In other words, communicate! Give us a heads-up that you'll be busy so you may not be able to talk much.
4. Mind-reading
I hate when guys decide they have my intentions all figured out because I called or emailed him to confirm the plans he made! Guys, we have lives, too. We have jobs, we have friends, we have hobbies. We're planners.
Just because we'd like to plan our weekend on Wednesday doesn't mean we're flipping through bridal magazines and picking out dresses. Women are always trying to show men that we "get" them by not being too demanding or inquisitive. How about some reciprocity here?
5. Lying
Now, this one I have to meet you halfway. I get why you lie. You want to avoid drama. But if you are going to lie, you better be good at it. Because, a) we usually know, and b) if we're particularly cunning, we'll catch you in the act because we pay attention. To everything. We know when things are wonky.
If we ask you why you lied, don't put it on us and say that you "knew" how we'd react. No. You didn't. You didn't know how we'd react because you lied, as shown in Human Brain Mapping studies, so you didn't give us a chance. But if you lie just to lie? You're automatically labeled a sociopath.
6. Overworking
Yes, many of us ladies want a man with drive and ambition. And there are plenty who are happy to trade in time with their man for a nice house in the Hamptons or trips to Paris three times a year. Those women are not all women.
Many of us want to see you, talk to you, and check in with you. Why? Because we like you and like spending time with you.
We love a man who has a great work ethic. We're not so crazy about men who love their jobs more than us or who can not prioritize us from time to time.
7. Treating them differently around friends
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I'm not talking about excessive PDA here. Most of us know not to embarrass you by hanging off of you when you're with your friends. We know that makes you end up looking like the guy with the clingy girlfriend.
But taking a tone or attitude with us so you can show your friends you wear the pants? Bite us. And you can dream on if you think you'll be sleeping in our bed that night, so you might as well go home in a different cab.
8. Being cheap
Thursday night special at the local diner? How fun! Twice a week? Eh.
Are you the guy who always (meaning every week) looks for those free drink specials at local bars or the two-for-one burger deals? That's a turn-off. Frugal is smart. Cheap is not.
9. Not listening
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Research from Social and Personality Psychology supports how sometimes women just want men to listen. It's sweet that you want to fix our problems, but what we need you to understand is we aren't always looking for your Rubik's Cube-oriented problem-solving skills. That's why we turn to our dads. (Sort of.)
You don't want us to think of you the same way as we do our fathers, do you? (Read: no!) Please wait for us to finish talking, and then you can tell us what you think. Even if you don't agree with us! Just listen. That's all we ask.
10. Acting secretive or defensive
If you get all dodgy because we asked you who was on the phone, or you're always playing the pronoun game, we're going to assume you're hiding something. Like a wife. Or a criminal record.
Don't turn the tables on us and suddenly make it about how we have trust issues, are crazy, and so on. Usually, when we sense something is up with a guy, we're right. So accept the fact you've been busted and take it like a man.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym for a writer who chose to not have their identity disclosed. The author is known to the YourTango editors.
