4 Tiny Things People Who Actually Respect Themselves Never Do
True self-love comes from within.
Jamie Brown / Unsplash The ways we think about ourselves and talk about ourselves have a direct impact on our self-confidence, which means the more positive we are, the more we accept who we are in full, even with our imperfections.
Building a strong sense of self-worth takes practice, yet it’s totally achievable through small, daily changes.
Brain health expert and podcast host Jericha Szlo shared a list of things she’ll never do after learning about the neuroscience behind self-love.
Here are 4 tiny things people who actually respect themselves never do:
1. They never talk poorly about themselves
Szlo declared that she’ll never speak badly about herself, either out loud or in her head, even for just a second.
“How you speak to yourself forms your identity, and your identity creates your external reality, and the brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not,” she explained. “So, it doesn’t know that you don’t mean what you say.”
In a separate post, Szlo dove deeper into why negative self-talk is so damaging, noting that it’s a common habit that can be very hard to break.
She touched on the way people might justify talking down to themselves as a form of self-deprecating humor or constructive criticism, saying, “I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but your brain actually doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not. Your conscious mind does… but your conscious mind only controls 5% of your brain power and has very little say in what you actually perceive.”
Szlo revealed a tool that people can utilize to boost their positive self-talk: “Visualization is one of the most powerful manifesting tools, because your brain doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not. So, it actually starts to shape new neural pathways and change your physiological state and change your identity and actually get you to act upon things differently than you would in the past.”
“When you’re seeing things in your outer world, you're not seeing them through your eyes,” she continued. “So when you allow yourself to speak poorly about yourself, your brain thinks it’s the truth.”
A simple way to combat negative self-talk is to practice affirmations. The more you tell yourself what you like about yourself, the more you’ll realize just how amazing you are.
2. They only let people into their lives who treat them how they deserve
Szlo’s next course of action to cultivate self-worth was based on who she lets into her life and what energy they offer her.
She doesn’t form close connections with people who drag her down or deplete her. She only welcomes people into her life who treat her the way she wants to be treated because she knows that she’s worth it.
Vanessa Kintaudi / Unsplash
She explained how accepting negative behavior from other people means “accepting that how they treat you is true to your self-worth.”
“Even if right now, you are someone who knows your worth and you think that because you know your worth, this won’t happen, if you accept that behavior from others, over time, this will start to shift your neural pathways from someone who has high self-worth to someone low self-worth,” she said.
“You’re exposing yourself to consistent behavior that speaks to low self-worth.”
When we surround ourselves with empathic, grounded, and genuine people, we build the kind of community we deserve, one based on mutual respect and care.
3. They don’t seek outside validation
People who truly respect themselves know that their self-worth comes from within, which means that they don’t look for approval in the opinions of other people, even those they’re closest to.
Szlo revealed a major truth about the human experience, saying, “At the end of the day, you only have yourself.”
“People you love, whether it’s friendships, relationships, family members, can come and go at any point in time,” she said. “The only person that you will forever be in the presence of is yourself.”
Toa Heftiba / Unsplash
While this might seem like a scary reality, Szlo framed the concept in a positive light. By acknowledging that we are our own best support network, we’re able to build the kind of life we want to live, the one that nourishes us most.
“When all is said and done, the only peace and freedom that I feel from within is the peace and freedom I created for myself by living my life the way I desired,” she concluded.
We can only truly live for ourselves, and the sooner we come to terms with that truth, the bigger we can bloom.
4. They don’t base their value on what their body looks like
Szlo’s final actionable technique for practicing self-love was based on separating how she feels about herself from her physical appearance.
“Whether you want to believe it or not, beauty is energy. It is not physicality,” she declared. “When someone shows up in the emotional state of confidence and security, which are subconscious beliefs, they radiate more beauty and more attraction than the picture-perfect model sitting next to them.”
True beauty comes from knowing who we are and accepting all of our raw, messy parts, which make up our whole selves.
Taking small steps toward self-respect and being gentle to ourselves during the process is the best way to love ourselves completely.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.