8 Tiny Things That Make You More Attractive — Without Changing Your Appearance
Though appearance is important, it's not the only thing that can boost your attractiveness.
Tabitha turner | Unsplash, Bianca Marie Arreola | Canva I wasn’t always comfortable speaking with people, let alone confident socially. It took me years of awkward moments, social anxiety, and self-beratement to get to a point where social environments brought more clarity for me. I’ve since learned some interesting aspects of human behavior that benefitted my relationships tremendously. Though appearance is important, several behaviors can boost your attractiveness.
Here are 8 tiny things that make you more attractive — without changing your appearance:
1. Letting people speak
Do you ever notice how frustrating it is when you’re mid-sentence and somebody cuts in with their comment? Right. It is annoying, and it is disrespectful. This is how it is felt when the positions are switched too. Honor someone’s words by giving them the needed space to finish their sentence. There’s no rush. This isn’t a competition to prove who can squeeze in more stuff in a given time frame.
More than anything, a healthy and meaningful conversation is one in which parties are respected and heard. So listen and be patient. When you do this, you won’t come across as uninteresting. Much the opposite. This level of care will pitch you as the authority because you don’t have the urge to jump in to prove yourself from a place of lack.
2. Making others feel more important
In a world where almost everyone is clamoring for attention, it is refreshing to come across someone who isn’t in a hurry to take the limelight. Instead, your priority is making others look good. And when they’re seen in a good light, you’re the one that gathers the attention you’re looking for.
Ask questions. Throw in some praise. Forget trying to look good. It only attracts self-consciousness. Be the leader who puts others forward.
3. Making gentle eye contact
After a long day of screwing our faces up in front of a small screen, it can be a strain to return to the real world of looking at another human in the eye, au natural. But if you can train this approach to conversation as a habit and connect with someone attentively and with a slight smile behind soft eyes, you will nurture that connection further.
People will feel drawn to you, and trust you more, and their attraction to you increases.
4. Being chill regardless of situations
Don’t be the guy who gets needlessly emotional and overly serious just because the topic of conversation appeared to prompt it.
Relax. Be light-hearted, and steer clear of unnecessarily contentious issues unless the discussion was set up to focus there.
This isn’t about you. This is about fruitful connection-building. Be the lead here. Demonstrate that you aren’t attached to any particular outcome by keeping your tone breezy and your demeanor upbeat. This will be felt like osmosis by those who are with you, and they will subconsciously be grateful for your calming influence.
No great conversation sprung out of nervous, fidgety, and overly aggressive tension. Don’t take things so personally. Remember, you’re there to make others feel better and more at ease. This is an attraction booster.
5. Revealing a funny flaw
Few are willing to reveal what they perceive to make them appear weak. That’s why we walk around all strung out like we stuck a javelin up our behind. It takes courage to reveal yourself as the only flawed human in the room. This doesn’t mean airing your dirty laundry, however. You’ll come across as depressed if you keep bringing up things about yourself that echo a form of self-disgust.
Tell us about how you were awkward as a kid. Or show us your nerdy side with a cheeky glint in your eye. Go against the grain, and show us why you’re not like everyone else. Be willing to reveal something a little quirky about you in a humourous light. This shows you are real. People love this. The attraction equation always consists of a hint of light and ultimately loving self-deprecation.
6. Constructing silence
Silence in conversation is taboo. People avoid it with "ums" and "aahs" to cover up the discomfort they perceive silence to invoke. But silence can be pure power when we can learn to respect it. Speak, but break up your words with appropriate pauses. Don’t feel the need to rush through everything — this suggests a lack of faith in what you have to say.
The beauty of silence is that it buys you time to think. With that, your words will be better formulated, emerging from a place of intelligence — not the mucky cobwebs of your overwhelmed mind.
7. Repeating someone back
Because so many of us are too busy coming up with something witty or intelligent to say next, genuinely listening to people is missed. Few people expect to be deeply understood. Talking becomes a sparring match, with the volume gradually rising.
You’re different because you occasionally repeat what others say in a way that demonstrates comprehension. Few do this because they’d think it reflected poorly on you — as though you’re not very bright and can’t think of much to say. However, this isn’t the experience for those you are repeating back. They will feel heard, and their respect for you will grow.
8. Being a little goofy
In an overly uptight world, being goofy is refreshing. This needn’t mean being a relentless clown-like figure. Just bring in a little goofiness. It shows confidence. It also takes courage to be the guy who injects a little quirky fun into proceedings, which is attractive.
Not everything you say needs to be within the rigid lines of what is socially appropriate and expected. We’re not all here to sit through a conversation like a nodding donkey with zero personality. Push the boundaries a little. Don’t always feel you need to say things that always make sense. Tell a joke. Put a napkin on your head as a dope hat. Have fun and bring others into your fun frame. This will draw people to you, and they won’t even know how you did it.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.