7 Tiny Things You Do That Instantly Scare Men Off
Men can tell the way you feel about yourself.
The Everett Collection | Canva Growing up on fairy tales and social conditioning, it's very easy to expect that a relationship will make you happy in life. But what if that's not a healthy dream to have? What if a healthy, happy guy is looking for a healthy, happy woman who is taking care of herself, filled with self-love and self-confidence? A woman who is healthy in mind and body? A woman who, instead of looking for a guy to make her happy, she's looking for a guy to add to her already happy life?
Here are 7 tiny things you do that instantly scare men off:
1. You obsess about your body
When you're obsessed with your body and unhappy with your weight, this problem will show through no matter how hard you try to cover it up with a smile. The reason it becomes visible to a guy you're dating is because you take your body with you everywhere you go. When you're unhappy living in your skin, that level of unhappiness simply cannot be covered up forever.
The problem with being obsessed and unhappy with your body is that a happy healthy guy is ... well .... he's happy and healthy! He wants a gal who is happy and healthy too, but how happy and healthy can you be when you're not happy in your skin? How happy are you when you're constantly obsessed about your weight and your body while feeling "not good enough" to be with a happy, healthy guy?
In this situation, it might look like he runs away but it's possible that you could throw a sabotaging wrench in the relationship to drive him away. The good news is that once you get right with yourself, then you will naturally attract the right guy for you who will match your happy and healthy life and body you're already rockin'.
2. You obsess about food
An unhealthy obsession with food can easily fuel emotional eating, yo-yo dieting, binge eating, and more. Disordered eating does not stay hidden no matter how many times you might binge in secret. This problem ends up impacting all areas of your life, especially when it comes to dating and relating because it directly impacts your level of self-esteem and self-confidence. According to a 2021 Harvard study, stress is the biggest factor in why people start to overeat.
When you're not living healthy with yourself, with your body, and with food, then how can you truly be happy in your life? What many are doing while they are struggling with their food and weight struggles is looking for a guy to make them happy, but this only creates pressure for the guy because he'll be able to feel that it's "his job" to try to make you happy. A happy, healthy guy isn't looking for that kind of job. He wants a woman who is already taking care of her person's mind-body fitness, a woman who is feeling great in her body, and who lives in a healthy relationship with food.
If you make it your job to get happy now by getting right with your body, with your eating behaviors, and with yourself, then it will be so much easier for you to attract a great guy because that's the kind of gal he wants in his life: one who is already happy and healthy herself, in body and mind. He won't run from a woman who is on solid ground with herself.
Pexels / Jane Trang Doan
3. You consistently doubt yourself
Self-doubt is simply not attractive. Self-confidence is! If you're second-guessing yourself constantly then your self-doubt will shine through. You might succeed in hiding it for a short time but eventually, it will come out. The problem with living your life while consistently doubting yourself is that this makes a secure person feel uncomfortable.
A secure guy, for example, could run away from a woman who isn't on solid ground with herself because he wants a secure place to come home to. He doesn't want to live in Wobblyville. Shore yourself up, gain the belief in yourself you need to move forward in your life with confidence and your self-confidence will shine a bright beacon to attract the kind of guy you'd love to meet!
4. You constantly seek approval
When you seek approval from anyone except yourself, you're asking them to tell you that you deserve to be here. Seeking approval because your self-worth and self-confidence are low is not attractive to a healthy happy kind of guy. This kind of man wants a woman who is sure of herself.
While you won't necessarily be sure of yourself 100 percent of the time every day of your life, if you are on solid ground with YOU at least 90 percent of the time then you're doing great. Keep in mind that the only person on the planet whose approval matters is the approval you seek from yourself. If you don't approve of yourself because you have unhealthy behaviors that make you unhappy with your body and/or your life then change those behaviors.
The quickest and easiest way to do this is by working with a high-level coach who specializes in the area of life you want to transform but either way, get those parts of yourself that you don't approve of transformed so that you'll be happy with you. That is what matters most, always and forever.
5. You're hiding out
You have dreams but you're not going for them. You're playing it safe and holding back. You've confided your dreams to your guy but when he asks you what you're doing to move towards them, you don't have an answer because you're hiding out and holding back. Hiding out and holding yourself back from living your best life in your best body can scare off a happy, healthy guy because a man like that is naturally going for his dreams in life.
A happy, healthy guy wants an equally happy healthy partner in his life! If you're afraid to leave your comfort zone and come out of hiding to stop playing it safe and go for your best life (and your best body!) then ask yourself how you're going to feel about yourself 10 years from now if you're still playing it safe then. The thing is, nothing will change for the better unless you make the change. Do you want to make your fears more important than your dreams?
6. You blame others (and maybe him!) for your problems
Personal responsibility is attractive. Taking full personal responsibility for your health and happiness will attract a stellar guy who is happy and healthy himself. Blaming others for your problems will scare a happy, healthy guy away faster than the speed of light. Blaming others for your problems is a sign of a victim mentality which is a repellant to a man who is healthy in mind and body. He wants a woman who takes full responsibility for her mistakes and makes changes to improve what she needs to. A great guy wants a great gal so that he can have a wonderful partner in his life, just like she will get a wonderful partner with him in her life!
7. You try to change him
If you've read any books on relationships and relationship nurturing, you've learned that one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to go into a relationship while thinking you're going to change the things you don't like about him. A healthy, happy, awesome man is good with who he is. A woman who tries to change him when he's already happy with himself will rub him the wrong way (not attractive!)
Even if you're very happy with yourself and you're healthy in mind and body, happy with your work, with your life, and you love the body you're living in... even if you've got all of these positives going for yourself, if you try to change a man you're in a relationship with this will scare a great guy away.
Why? Well, would you want a man who is trying to change you when you're super happy in your mind, body, and life? Would you want a man to tell you what to do when you're confident in who you are, in what you're doing, and while you're not perfect (no one is) a guy who attempts to change you will scare you away from him! Make sense? After all, why would you want to put up with that when you're already happy with you?
So, you can understand why he'd run far away if you were to try to change him. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a personal choice. Happiness is not dependent on anything or anyone outside of you. The healthiest and happiest relationship you can ever have is a relationship with a man who is taking full personal responsibility for his mind-body health and happiness while you are doing the same for yourself. Then, when you both come together in a relationship, the magic will happen.
The best way to scare a happy healthy guy away is to expect him to make you happy. The best way to attract a happy healthy guy is to get happy and healthy in your mind, in your body, and your life. Clean up any unhealthy behaviors in your life whether those are unhealthy behaviors that impact your body, your eating, your weight, your work, and/or your day-to-day life experience.
By cleaning up and releasing any unhealthy behaviors, and replacing them with healthy behaviors, you'll be creating a healthy relationship with yourself, your body, and your overall life. Then you'll be in the perfect position to attract the amazing relationship you'd love to have after you've created an amazing relationship with yourself.
Any solid, healthy, happy guy would love to be in a relationship with you once you've created a happy and healthy relationship with yourself, with your body, and in your life. You won't need to fear "scaring away" a wonderful man when you're super wonderful yourself. Keep in mind that if a man were to leave when you're happy and healthy with your body, with your life, and with yourself, then expect that an even better match for you is on the way. Why? why in the world would a guy leave you when you're living fully happy and healthy with you unless there's a man who's an even better match out there who you're meant to meet?
JoLynn Braley is the founder of The Inner Self Diet, author, mentor, speaker, weight loss mindset expert, and podcast producer.