The One Tiny Thing That Matters Most In Friendships
It comes down to gratitude.
Dhananjay Sharma | Canva, Recommendation letter | Courtesy Of Author “I’m moving to America in a couple of months,” Saloni, one of my childhood best friends, told me over lunch. It was a bittersweet moment. I was both happy for her — that she was going after her dreams — and sad that I wouldn’t get to have regular lunches with her.
After returning home, I noted that I’d have to think of a good going-away present for her. I thought a lot but couldn’t think of something great. So, I put the task on hold for a while.
Then, one day, on another lunch, Saloni excitedly told me that her boss had done something unexpectedly great for her. He wrote her an amazing Letter of Recommendation without her even asking for one! It was very thoughtful of him, and her tone of voice indicated how joyous she felt because of it.
Right at that moment, I thought to myself, “This is it! I should also write a letter of recommendation for her!”
So, a while later, I did. Only, I’m not her boss or colleague — so I didn’t recommend her as an employee; I recommended her as a friend.
Here’s the letter I typed for her:
Millennial and Gen-Z Population
United States of America
37.0902° N, 95.7129° W, Earth
Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy.Dear People of America,
It is my pleasure to enthusiastically recommend Saloni for the role of a ‘Friend’ to the Millennials and Gen-Zs of The United States of America.
My name is Akshad Singi. I’m a writer exploring the intricate nature of human connections, among other areas of life. And I’ve had the distinct pleasure of being engaged in an 11-year-long friendship with Saloni. We’ve evolved from strangers to acquaintances to good friends to best friends over this decade-long amity. And of all the people I’ve known and befriended over these years, Saloni is easily the most amiable and carefree person who’s also equipped with a highly intuitive understanding of what it means to be a great friend.
During our time together, Saloni repeatedly proved to be cheerful, altruistic, and awesome. In fact, her awesomeness has had a profound impact on several others, and her peers from both her school and her college only have words of appreciation for her.
My one-on-one breakfasts, lunches, and music-laden long drives with Saloni have provided me with a truckload of deeply contemplative conversations about life itself that continue to affect my decisions and perspectives to this day. I’d even go as far as to say that it’s impossible to not have a great time when you’re with her
However, Saloni’s greatness is in no way limited to the way she conducts her friendships. She’s also an extraordinary artist who can create digital art and paintings that will make your eyes pop.
I’m confident without reservation that Saloni would make for an excellent pal for someone who’s looking for one. As a tirelessly fun-loving and wise person, Saloni would be a great addition to anyone’s life.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like me to further elaborate on Saloni’s awesomeness.
Thanking you,
Akshad Singi
Here’s how she reacted:
Photos via author
As you can see, she was ecstatic after reading it. And hence, it ended up being the perfect gift!
But when you think about it, it didn’t take much effort. I didn’t know how to write a letter of recommendation. So, I googled and searched for a few templates. I picked one of them and then reworded it to recommend her as a “friend” instead of an employee using details from our friendship. And I stuck with the formal tone of an actual recommendation letter to retain the creativity. That’s all.
It must have taken me a little over an hour. But she’s probably going to remember it for the rest of her life. That’s an incredibly high return on investment.
So what’s the leverage point? The fact that I paid attention.
She didn’t care that my gift to her cost zero bucks. She didn’t care that it didn’t even require a lot of effort. But she loved it because I listened. She loved it because I cared about what made her happy.
That’s what matters most in friendships. Don’t just tell someone you care about them. Show them with your actions that you care about them and their happiness — and you’ll have a friend for life.
Akshad Singi, M.D. has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, and more.