11 Times In Life Truly Brilliant People Know To Stay Silent At All Costs
Our words have power, but sometimes our willingness to stay silent can be more profound.
Josep Suria | Shutterstock From technological distractions to burnout in professional spaces, many individuals struggle with embodying the silent spirit many truly brilliant people know well. Like experts from the Harvard Business Review argue, staying silent isn't just important for personal growth and mindfulness when you're alone, it's also impactful for social interactions, mediating conflict, and making space for others to feel heard and understood.
There are many times in life truly brilliant people know to stay silent at all costs, protecting their own emotional and physical well-being, but also the strength of their connections and relationships. By quieting their inner critic, making space for others, and leading with empathy, they can make an impact without saying a single word.
Here are 11 times in life truly brilliant people know to stay silent at all costs
1. When they're unsure about something
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While there's many cases in life when challenging ourselves with things we're not sure about or that are out of our comfort zones can be incredibly healthy, in certain conversations, there's power in staying silent. For example, don't give unprompted advice to someone in a conversation you know nothing about, especially if there's already other people present that can share helpful and productive insights.
While it might take a level of self-assuredness to stay silent and admit that you're not incredibly knowledgeable about something, it's often perceived as more confident and competent to others when you're willing to take a step back.
When we refuse intellectual humility in the name of ego, we often lose sight of healthy, open, and productive conversations, as we seek out information and misguided evidence to support our misguided assumptions and beliefs — even about topics we know nothing about — like a study from the journal eLife suggests. Instead of trying to project an image that you're "all-knowing," find ways to contribute to healthy conversations with more humility.
2. Listening to someone vent
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Being able to actively listen to others, instead of waiting for your turn to speak or offering unsolicited advice, is a powerful skill that can improve your relationships, increase your confidence, and help support a more balanced emotional state. Even in professional spaces, studies like one from the Psychological Bulletin argue that feedback isn't always productive; in 38% of the studied cases, communicative feedback between colleagues actually negatively affected performance.
Figuring out the perfect balance between feedback and active listening isn't just empowering for situations like this, but for our general personal relationships and emotional health. The more comfortable we are making space for other people to feel heard and valued, the more willing they are to bestow that same kind of respect towards us, along with an empowering connection or relationship.
3. When they're overwhelmed by uncomfortable emotions
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According to autism-ADHD psychologist Dr. Megan Anna Neff, uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, embarrassment, and anger can distort our realities in ways that can occasionally urge us to overreact, misjudge others' intentions, and reinforce our negative thoughts and self-talk. While avoidance and stepping away isn't necessarily the best way to deal with uncomfortable emotions during conflict, figuring out how to balance emotional regulation, communication, and space is required.
Don't let your emotions take over — these moments are some of the times in life truly brilliant people know to stay silent at all costs, willing to listen instead of reacting with their overwhelming anger or anxiety in mind.
4. When other people express their need for space
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Ensuring that other people feel heard and understood in conversations starts with respecting their boundaries, even if that means taking space away from them, staying silent, or taking a break in a relationship. As long as your needs are being equally respected and communicated, staying silent when someone asks for space can be beneficial for everyone involved.
Let them take their time to regulate their emotions, think about their feelings, and re-assert their own boundaries. When you come back together, not only will everyone feel more emotionally balanced and comfortable, you can have a more productive conversation with your best interests in mind.
5. In situations where they're drawn towards impulsivity
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Many extroverted and impulsive people tend to act before they have a chance to think — either processing information while talking, or jumping into situations head first without considering all the consequences.
This situation, when they feel drawn towards impulsivity, is one of the times in life truly brilliant people know to stay silent at all costs, because they have a chance to unpack their emotions and plan, prioritizing spontaneity over impulsivity.
6. When they haven't had a chance to process their emotions
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When faced with loss, surprise, or trauma, many of us struggle to immediately compartmentalize or address our emotions, burdened with grief or anxiety that affects our communication and decision-making skills. While these uncomfortable emotions may linger for a long time, affecting our daily lives and contributing to shifts in our identities, there's a way to ensure you're acting appropriately and making space for your emotions in the moment: staying silent.
Instead of acting impulsively with a skewed perception of reality, take space to regulate your emotions, heal, and move forward. When we don't address or acknowledge uncomfortable emotions in conversations, they can spark resentment and urge us to act in inappropriate ways in conversations that sabotage our relationships.
7. When they feel pressured to talk poorly about others
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According to a study published by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, the way we speak about others and communicate genuinely affects the way we're perceived by others. For example, if we express gratitude and give compliments to other people, they're more likely to associate those good qualities with us, but if we're engaging in dramatic conversations and talking poorly about others, we also adopt those negative ones.
Instead of feeding into the pressure and drama of these anxiety-ridden conversations, truly brilliant people stay silent to avoid affecting their perception, identity, and relationships in negative ways.
8. When they're drawn towards negative self-talk
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While it might seem stereotypical, the ways that we think and speak about ourselves genuinely influences the way other people perceive and view us, especially in relationships. When we don't feel worthy or deserving of love, and we're comfortable enough to express that with others, we cultivate a misguided truth that other people start to believe.
By ensuring they keep their negative self-talk to themselves, acknowledging and addressing it in productive ways, truly brilliant people use silence to their advantage. They never influence another person's negative perception of them or introduce toxic communication tendencies into their relationships.
9. When they're faced with defensiveness or maliciousness in a conflict
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According to clinical psychologist Geraldine K. Piorkowski, using a "counterattack" against someone with hurtful intentions, a malicious attitude, or defensiveness during a conflict is hardly productive. Instead of adding more emotion and fuel to the fire, find ways to leverage empathy and open communication to resolve conflict.
Truly brilliant people use their silence to regulate their own emotions and craft their productive answers, finding ways to de-escalate conflicts rather than continuing to heighten it.
10. When they're being provoked or insulted
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When self-advocacy and defensiveness aren't working to stop provoking behavior or hurtful comments from others, truly brilliant people may use silence to their advantage to de-escalate conflicts and force their perpetrators towards introspection.
When you don't respond or emotionally react, you remind the people insulting you that they don't have power over your emotional state, taking the power in situations where perpetrators yearn for control.
11. When they're struggling creatively
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According to Anna Kornick, the author of "Time Management Essentials: The Tools You Need to Maximize Your Attention, Energy, and Productivity," there's a powerful link between silence and productivity, whether it's more analytic work in professional spaces or creative outlets at home. When we're struggling with innovation, making space for silence can help everyone to hone in, as unlocked flexibility in our brains is essential for coming up with new ideas and focusing.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.