This Quote Hits Hard — And It Might Explain Why Your Life Feels Like A Struggle
Ever feel dealt a losing hand with no control over your destiny?
Daniil Lobache | Unsplash If there’s one thing I’ve noticed lately, it’s how many people seem resigned to their lives. We’re in a period of history where learned helplessness and hopelessness seem to be the general vibe of the people.
I can’t honestly blame them. Sometimes, it’s because of how their dating life is going — one too many rejections, one too many times being ghosted, maybe too many remarks about a person’s weight, or one too many reads about how people want anyone but you. In other situations, it’s the economy. And once again, that’s also a legitimate issue.
We have a bunch of billionaires and corporations bilking the American people out of a living wage while they raise the cost of everything. Oh, and they also pay less taxes. Talk about the odds being stacked against us, right?
Yes, times are hard for all of us, but that doesn’t mean it has to be this way. I’m going to get a bit zen with things right now. I’ll tell you a little secret: I was born with a very bad hand of cards regarding social skills, neglect, and having the right "gear" to be popular in school. It’s true.
But, as I got older, I realized something. Yes, I could take the cards I was handed, lie down, accept defeat, and feel like no one would ever love me. No one would have blamed me for doing so. I had every right to be angry, upset, and depressed over things. The people who were supposed to be in my corner were never there. This was not my fault. I was asking for help.
But while this was not my fault, how I reacted to things was my responsibility.
We all deal with bad hands in life, some more than others. Some of us cannot walk. Others are diabetic. Some are bipolar. Others are as homely as an old tire.
Your life is your responsibility regardless of what cards you’re dealt.
If you’re stuck blaming everyone else for your shortcomings, you’re going to be in a nursing home, looking back at everything, realizing you wasted your life. In life, you will control your actions and yours alone.
Your job is to do what you can to bolster your quality of life and to improve yourself until you become the person you wish you’d be. How other people react is on them.
If that quote hit hard and your life feels like a struggle, here are 10 ways to take control and improve the quality of your life:
1. If you decide to give up on something, own it.
No one can make you successful if you’re not putting in the effort. And if you’re not putting in hours, people will notice that and will not want to extend offers to you. Only quit a goal if you don’t like it in your life.
2. Understand that there will always be people who tear you down.
Xavier Lorenzo / Shutterstock
What they do reflects on them, not you. It’s not your fault.
Your responsibility is to defend yourself from these people and to protect your interests to the fullest extent of the law. That’s why knowing your rights is so important.
Understanding others' actions as reflections of their internal states rather than personal attacks is crucial for healthy relationships and emotional well-being. According to a 2022 study, this perspective promotes empathy and reduces defensiveness. Learning to detach from others' behaviors can also allow you to focus on your actions and reactions, encouraging self-reflection and personal growth.
3. Know that other people’s inconveniences are not your emergency.
Oh, your goals don’t follow their expectations. Too bad. Not your problem.
Focus on what you want, not what others want you to do. If they can't handle it, you can block them out of your life.
4. Recognize that lousy behavior gets bad results.
Whether it’s the guy who lashes out at the girl who rejected him or the coworker who steals from the till, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that bad behavior will catch up with you 9 times out of 10. When it does, it’s on you, and people will probably not care about why you did it.
A 2017 study concluded that understanding the connection between actions and consequences, particularly negative ones, is crucial for learning and personal growth. It influences behaviors and decision-making, helping individuals avoid harmful actions and develop more positive behaviors.
5. Remember that harmful beliefs lead to damaging outcomes.
We’ve all heard of people who advocated against social services or were anti-rights until they needed those rights.
In life, flawed assumptions or beliefs have a way of blowing up in our faces. Don’t wait until you’ve been humbled to protect the rights of others and make society better.
6. Accept that you won't always get what you put in.
But you are far more likely to get something than nothing.
I’ll be honest. I did not get a hundredth of the effort that I put in with most men back to me. I also don’t get much back from all the applications I put into jobs. But, once in a while, I’ll strike gold.
If I had not made all that effort to find golden jobs and a spouse, I would not have made enough to live on my own, and I would not have been married.
Effort doesn't always guarantee the desired outcome, but it does increase the likelihood of achieving something rather than nothing, emphasizing the value of persistence and a growth mindset. According to a 2022 study, understanding that effort doesn't always guarantee success but increases the chances of achieving something can foster perseverance and resilience in the face of challenges.
7. Know that even wealth doesn’t protect you from the consequences of your actions.
Even if you are rich, you should expect to face consequences for your actions. Even politicians get held accountable and lose face when caught in a scandal. At the very least, you want to be the person who people look back and think, "You know, he/she/they made it despite the odds. I liked them."
8. Don't refuse help, but don't expect others to save you, either.
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
It’s true. A large portion of the world seems to be gleeful when people aren’t doing as well as they are.
I searched for ages for a guy who just wanted a housewife, who wanted to save me from my time being homeless. No one wished for me until I saved myself. It’s food for thought.
Refusing help can lead to adverse outcomes, such as increased stress, isolation, and potentially worsening situations. Researchers also emphasize the importance of taking ownership of your problems and actively seeking solutions rather than waiting for someone else to fix them.
9. When in doubt, improve yourself.
This never hurts. According to a 2023 study, self-improvement helps individuals develop resilience and overcome challenges and setbacks, fostering a growth mindset where difficulties are seen as opportunities for learning and development. Self-improvement can also improve communication skills, empathy, and emotional intelligence, essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships.
10. Understand that if you don’t do anything to better yourself or your life, your life will never improve.
I’ve noticed that my life decayed every time I stopped practicing self-care or trying to better myself.
This isn’t just a "me" thing. It happens with everything that needs maintenance — relationships, careers, money. When you stop doing things that improve your life, the good stuff will start to vanish. The biggest adversary you’ll ever have in life is you.
I remember a quote by Anthony Bourdain that sums this up pretty well: "I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lie in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy."
It’s hard to pull yourself out of that mentality and even harder to stay out of it, especially when you just want to laze about or feel sorry for yourself. Life is not a pity party.
Take a look at the People cover and take note. No one who hits the red carpet has the luxury of wallowing around and playing Elden Ring or whatever it’s called.
Why? Because they are the people who get up, position themselves a certain way, and do what they can to avoid being the person who blames the world for their failings. It’s not your fault; dealing with it well is your responsibility.
So yeah. It’s not your fault that you were born with a bad hand. It’s not. But it is your fault if you let it define you. The only person who has the right to define you is you.
If you or somebody you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.